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Pentagon awards contract to United Airlines to forcibly remove Assad

  

Category:  The Lighter Side/ Humor

Via:  kavika  •  7 years ago  •  17 comments

Pentagon awards contract to United Airlines to forcibly remove Assad




 

Pentagon awards contract to United Airlines to forcibly remove Assad






WASHINGTON — The Pentagon announced Tuesday it had awarded a sole-source contract to United Airlines for work related to the forcible removal of President Bashar al-Assad from Syria.

The contract, worth $2.1 billion, tasks the airline company with locating Assad, grabbing him from his seat in the presidential palace, and “dragging him out of Damascus by his arms.” The contract also notes that Assad should be “ asked several times, politely ” to give up his seat of power, though if he refuses, United workers should bloody his nose up a bit, according to the posting at FedBizOpps.

 

The award comes just days after President Donald Trump authorized the launch of cruise missiles at a Syrian air base, in response to Assad’s use of chemical weapons. Two Navy ships launched 59 Tomahawk missiles into Syria, which destroyed roughly 20% of its operational aircraft and a Green Beans Coffee shop being used by the Russian army.

Soon after the strikes, some in the Trump White House began calling for regime change in Syria. Nikki Haley, the US ambassador to the United Nations, told reporters that peace in Syria “could not be achieved” with Assad remaining in power.

Though US military officials have struggled in recent months with a plan for removing Assad, United Airlines cleared its final hurdle for the military’s request for proposal on Monday, when it ordered police officers to forcibly remove a passenger from a flight that was overbooked.



Read more: http://www.duffelblog.com/2017/04/pentagon-awards-contract-united-airlines-forcibly-remove-assad/#ixzz4e8mLPID3


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Kavika
Professor Principal
link   seeder  Kavika     7 years ago

America's secret weapon.

UAL and the Airport Police.

 

 
 
 
pat wilson
Professor Participates
link   pat wilson  replied to  Kavika   7 years ago

Offering red-eye and black-eye flights !

 
 
 
Randy
Sophomore Participates
link   Randy  replied to  pat wilson   7 years ago

LOL!

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
link   seeder  Kavika   replied to  pat wilson   7 years ago

LOL, good one Pat.

 
 
 
Spikegary
Junior Quiet
link   Spikegary    7 years ago

United Cooking.jpg

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
link   seeder  Kavika   replied to  Spikegary   7 years ago

Scrambled I assume.

 
 
 
Spikegary
Junior Quiet
link   Spikegary    7 years ago

Kim United.jpg

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
link   seeder  Kavika   replied to  Spikegary   7 years ago

LMAO, I wonder if it's a 1st class ticket. The little emperor and all that.

 
 
 
Bob Nelson
Professor Guide
link   Bob Nelson    7 years ago

 
 
 
Spikegary
Junior Quiet
link   Spikegary    7 years ago

Moving forward, United Airlines has hired a new Spokesman:

United Neegan.jpg

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
link   seeder  Kavika   replied to  Spikegary   7 years ago

LOL, the perfect fit

 
 
 
Spikegary
Junior Quiet
link   Spikegary    7 years ago

They are having some PR 'Timing' issues with their new App though:

United App.png

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
link   seeder  Kavika   replied to  Spikegary   7 years ago

''Drag and drop feature''

Well that is really putting their foot in the old mouth...

 

 
 
 
Steve Ott
Professor Quiet
link   Steve Ott    7 years ago

whenyoureinaunitedairlinesplaneanditseems18791989.png

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
link   seeder  Kavika   replied to  Steve Ott   7 years ago

Beware, your seat my be wanted.

 
 
 
Randy
Sophomore Participates
link   Randy    7 years ago

laughing dude laughing dude laughing dude laughing dude laughing dude

 
 

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