The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not Represent Me As a Person - McSweeney's Internet Tendency
Category: Op/EdVia: sandy-2021492 • 3 weeks ago • 18 comments
By: eligrober (McSweeneys Internet Tendency)
"I never said any of these things since I have been elected for Congress. These were words of the past, and these things do not represent me." — Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, addressing conspiracy theories and violence she has endorsed and promoted over and over again.
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Before you make the mistake of rushing to judgment, I want to make one thing absolutely clear: the terrible, awful things I have said and done and enabled and incited over and over again for most of my life and right up until a few days ago do not represent me as a person in any way.
Sure, you can look at only the part of my life where I said and did incendiary and hurtful things. But that would only be about ninety-seven to ninety-eight percent of my life. What about the other two to three percent, which all occurred after I found out I was hurting my image and career? Shouldn't that matter just as much, if not more?
And what kind of example does it set, that we must be held accountable to the despicable ideas and lies we used to publicly promote and endorse many hours and minutes ago in the past? Are we as people not allowed to change for the better, in just the last few days, once it's our very last resort to keep a job we shouldn't have?
Besides, these things that everyone is claiming I believe are complete distortions of what I actually said! The media constantly takes things I say and then repeats them on their news shows and in their magazines, and they always leave something out, like the thing I haven't even said yet that lets you know I don't believe the thing I already said.
If the media wants to be completely accurate, they should write down every word I've ever said in my entire life, then wait for me to finish saying everything I'll ever say, and then publish only the good things that everyone will like. Only then would they be totally unbiased. Until then, they're just cherry-picking.
Have you noticed that I've gone over five paragraphs without saying and believing and doing the things everyone is accusing me of saying and believing and doing? Doesn't that show you how much I've changed ever since my publicist and lawyer and bosses told me that I need to change? Well, I think it does.
I think I've done a great deal of growing and learning in the last seventy-two to ninety-six hours. And I'm a completely different person now than I was all that time ago last week. So I'm going to wait until everyone moves on to focusing on someone else who's been caught doing and saying bizarre, harmful things for most of their life, and then I'll go back to doing what I do best: things that definitely don't represent me as a person.