After Conviction For Sex Crimes, Ghislaine Maxwell Announces New Job At CNN

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  jeremy-in-nc  •  4 weeks ago  •  34 comments

After Conviction For Sex Crimes, Ghislaine Maxwell Announces New Job At CNN
"We called Maxwell as soon as the verdict was read," said CNN President Jeff Zucker. "Ghislaine has shown us she has exactly what it takes to work here. This has nothing to do with the fact that she's really good at committing sex crimes. We are hiring her for her... um, many other qualifications. Yeah. Qualifications."

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



Ghislaine Maxwell has been convicted on 5 counts related to sex crimes committed against minors for over a decade. A few minutes after her conviction, she announced she has landed a brand-new job at CNN.

"We called Maxwell as soon as the verdict was read," said CNN President Jeff Zucker. "Ghislaine has shown us she has exactly what it takes to work here. This has nothing to do with the fact that she's really good at committing sex crimes. We are hiring her for her... um, many other qualifications. Yeah. Qualifications." 

Maxwell will replace Wolf Blitzer as an anchor on The Situation Room and will also be placed in charge of the hiring of all new female interns.

"I am humbled to have been given this new opportunity at CNN," said Maxwell, "and I promise to do my best to find the very best girls—er, I mean, news. The very best news. Yeah. That's what I meant."

Ghislaine Maxwell will broadcast the news from her federal prison cell in New York City until her sentence is completed, or until she kills herself.


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Jeremy Retired in NC
Masters Participates
1  seeder  Jeremy Retired in NC    4 weeks ago

Seems legit.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
2  Buzz of the Orient    4 weeks ago

Shouldn't this be posted under satire?

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
Masters Participates
2.1  seeder  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @2    4 weeks ago

Satire tag is showing on my screen.

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Principal
2.1.1  Perrie Halpern R.A.  replied to  Jeremy Retired in NC @2.1    4 weeks ago

No, it wasn't. You have to pick "Satire" from the drop-down. It was listed under "News and Politics" but I fixed that for you without a penalty, since it seems you didn't realize that was the case. 

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
2.1.2  Ender  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @2.1.1    4 weeks ago

I admit I am not good with the tags and forget that.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
2.1.3  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @2.1.1    3 weeks ago

Thank you for proving that what I had said was correct.

 
 
 
Greg Jones
Professor Guide
2.2  Greg Jones  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @2    4 weeks ago

It is, look closer.

 
 
 
Dismayed Patriot
Professor Participates
2.2.1  Dismayed Patriot  replied to  Greg Jones @2.2    4 weeks ago

Perhaps that should be reflected in the "category" which at the moment simply says: "News & Politics".

Once again the conservative Christian supposedly "satire" BabylonBee just makes up some fucking ridiculous claim and their clearly confused conservative readers make comments like "Seems legit".

They might as well have posted the story and headline "Evidence of Epstein Trying to Blackmail Donald Trump and Trump visiting Epstein in Prison just prior to his Mysterious Suicide". It has exactly the same amount of "funny truth" as this moronic slanderous Bee headline.

This also reeks of right wing conservative Qanon bullshit. I suppose if right wing conservative Republicans just claim that their Qanon conspiracy theories and lies are just "satire" then it shouldn't matter how many fucking moronic right wing conservatives actually believe that shit.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
2.2.2  Texan1211  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @2.2.1    4 weeks ago

And once again, some can't accept satire when it is directed at their pet people or institutions.

Have you ever seen any satire piece from the source that you actually liked?

 
 
 
Dismayed Patriot
Professor Participates
2.2.3  Dismayed Patriot  replied to  Texan1211 @2.2.2    4 weeks ago
Have you ever seen any satire piece from the source that you actually liked?

I haven't seen much from the BabylonBee that was anything but barely masked contempt for anyone who wasn't a right wing white conservative Christian. It's what they do, they manufacture supposed "satire" by hiding right wing conservative beliefs and conspiracy theories against their opponents in what would be considered vile libel if it wasn't hiding behind satire legal protections. It's like if I posted a seed that I labeled as "satire" that claimed: "Texan 1211 said with a grin on his face "Officer, I wasn't raping that sheep, I was just trying to push him through that fence from behind, over and over and over again..." - Satire... Just making up bullshit quotes and putting them in the mouths of people you hate then claiming it was a joke, isn't really satire and definitely isn't funny. It's weak, lame and shows a severe lack of intelligence as the right wing white conservative Christian Bee writers demonstrate daily.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
2.2.4  Texan1211  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @2.2.3    4 weeks ago
I haven't seen much from the BabylonBee that was anything but barely masked contempt for anyone who wasn't a right wing white conservative Christian. It's what they do, they manufacture supposed "satire" by hiding right wing conservative beliefs and conspiracy theories against their opponents in what would be considered vile libel if it wasn't hiding behind satire legal protections.

I suppose those rose-colored "victim"glasses don't allow for much true vision.

Since you don't like anything there, why do you feel compelled to comment on every article that is from there?

 
 
 
gooseisback
Freshman Silent
2.2.5  gooseisback  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @2.2.3    4 weeks ago

Dude....lighten up.

 
 
 
Dismayed Patriot
Professor Participates
2.2.6  Dismayed Patriot  replied to  gooseisback @2.2.5    4 weeks ago
Dude....lighten up.

Are you saying that the conservative Christian run BabylonBee isn't " making up bullshit quotes and putting them in the mouths of people" they hate?

those rose-colored "victim" glasses don't allow for much true vision

Clearly the largest number of "victim" members are the fans of the BabylonBee who hate CNN and other media outlets they consider the MSM who some Christians with a few screws loose falsely believe are attacking them. I'm not sure if it's rose tinted, but at minimum shit tinted glasses worn by Bee fans keep them blind to reality by making them laugh at manufactured absurdity which keeps them distracted while their right wing conservative political parties and Churches fleece the fuck out of them.

Red States and the most dependent, have the lowest incomes, are the most likely to have no health insurance, most likely to be on welfare or social security, but are also most likely to either donate to their churches or buy hundreds of dollars worth of useless confederate, Republican or Donald Trump flags, hats and other useless right wing white conservative paraphernalia.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
2.2.7  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Greg Jones @2.2    3 weeks ago
"It is, look closer."

To you and your three thumb-uppers, look closer at Perrie's comment about it.

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
Professor Expert
3  Sean Treacy    4 weeks ago

Fits right in

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
4  Sparty On    4 weeks ago

Hilarious satire but i must agree, she would fit right in on that island of misfits

 
 
 
evilgenius
Professor Guide
5  evilgenius    4 weeks ago

Let's see if now that she's been convicted she'll make a deal with prosecutors and start naming people like Trump or Clinton. 

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
5.1  Sparty On  replied to  evilgenius @5    4 weeks ago

Bubba better start looking for a non extradition country to move to.

 
 
 
Greg Jones
Professor Guide
5.2  Greg Jones  replied to  evilgenius @5    4 weeks ago

Clinton was a frequent flyer on  the "Lolita Express"

It will be interesting to see how long it will be before misfortune befalls her

 
 
 
evilgenius
Professor Guide
5.2.1  evilgenius  replied to  Greg Jones @5.2    4 weeks ago
Clinton was a frequent flyer on  the "Lolita Express"

According to documented logs, so was Trump. Anyone... And I DO mean ANYONE... that is found guilty of having sex with underage girls should be put in the deepest hole they can find. 

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Senior Principal
5.2.2  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  evilgenius @5.2.1    4 weeks ago

No Trump was NOT a frequent flyer. 7 times from 93 to 97. Bill Clinton, 26 times from 2001 to 2003

And I agree with the deepest hole sentiment.............

 
 
 
evilgenius
Professor Guide
5.2.3  evilgenius  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @5.2.2    4 weeks ago
No Trump was NOT a frequent flyer. 7 times from 93 to 97. Bill Clinton, 26 times from 2001 to 2003

I really don't care if it was 1 - 7 - 70 or 700. IF there is evidence they should be investigated. IF there is enough evidence they should be convicted. I'm not going to quibble about how 7 is so much better or how 26 is so much worse. IF they did then they are scum. Period. Full stop. End of my participation in this partisan eye poking thread.

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Senior Principal
5.2.4  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  evilgenius @5.2.3    4 weeks ago

I agree with you FFS.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
6  JBB    4 weeks ago

Actually Maxwell could end up reporting from the inside on how Trump and Co are doing in prison...

original

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
Masters Participates
6.1  seeder  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  JBB @6    4 weeks ago

Still dreaming I see.

 
 
 
MrFrost
Professor Principal
6.1.1  MrFrost  replied to  Jeremy Retired in NC @6.1    4 weeks ago

Still dreaming I see.

You don't think she'll do prison time? 

Either way, trump wishes her well. 

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
Masters Participates
6.1.2  seeder  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  MrFrost @6.1.1    4 weeks ago

The dreaming part is that Trump is in prison.  Or will be going.

She probably won't see prison either.  We've already seen Clinton's work.  She may meet the same fate as Epstein if she starts dropping names.  

 
 
 
MrFrost
Professor Principal
6.1.3  MrFrost  replied to  Jeremy Retired in NC @6.1.2    4 weeks ago
We've already seen Clinton's work.

You mean Trump, it's ok, no worries. 

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
7  Trout Giggles    4 weeks ago

I see the satire tag but you have confused people here who do no critical thinking and will think this is all true. This should be placed in something other than News/Politics...like a group

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Senior Principal
7.1  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  Trout Giggles @7    4 weeks ago

I think he can still change it. If it was a "Group Discussion" I don't think you get to designate the category whereas if it is just a general "Discussion", you do.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
7.1.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @7.1    4 weeks ago

I think there's a category for humor

 
 
 
Moose Knuckle
Freshman Participates
8  Moose Knuckle    4 weeks ago

Ed Buck convicted, Weinstein convicted and now this? Looks like all the perp donors are being rounded up. May have to get campaign cash from a non pedo for a change.  

Tough times.....

 
 
 
Kathleen
Professor Principal
9  Kathleen    4 weeks ago

On a more serious note...

This woman deserves to get the book thrown at her.

 
 
 
Ozzwald
Professor Quiet
9.1  Ozzwald  replied to  Kathleen @9    4 weeks ago

This woman deserves to get the book thrown at her.

And if that one doesn't take her out, throw a bigger book.

 
 

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