Parents Begin Disguising School Buildings As The Capitol So Congress Will Spend Billions To Protect Them

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  4 weeks ago  •  41 comments

Parents Begin Disguising School Buildings As The Capitol So Congress Will Spend Billions To Protect Them
U.S. - Parents across the nation have begun disguising their kids' elementary schools as the Capitol Building in D.C. so the government will approve funding to keep them secure.'Hello, welcome to Clem Elementary - um, I mean the Capitol Building!' said 1st-grade teacher Sally Russett to reporters. 'We are so excited for our represent ...

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



U.S.—Parents across the nation have begun disguising their kids' elementary schools as the Capitol Building in D.C. so the government will approve funding to keep them secure.

"Hello, welcome to Clem Elementary—um, I mean the Capitol Building!" said 1st-grade teacher Sally Russett to reporters. "We are so excited for our representatives to spend billions on security just like they did for the other Capitol Building in Washington! Maybe they'll put up a tall fence and metal detectors and hire men with guns—you know, like they did for themselves! That would be great!"

Experts say Congress has been very quick to secure funding to protect themselves at their workplace from violent Trump supporters who break windows and steal Nancy Pelosi's lectern, but has not been so fast to do anything about protecting kids in schools.

"To be fair, said Senator Chuck Schumer, "There aren't any important people like congressmen in elementary schools, so why would we waste taxpayer dollars protecting them? That doesn't make sense!"

But with new white-domed buildings popping up around the country, Congress seems to finally be warming up to the idea of keeping those buildings secure, as they recently announced a bill to send a Capitol Police force to all school buildings disguised as Capitol Buildings.

At publishing time, the Capitol Police plan backfired as they kept opening the doors and letting violent people inside.


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GregTx
Junior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    4 weeks ago

384

 
 
 
Gsquared
Senior Expert
2  Gsquared    4 weeks ago

Everyone should turn the slaughter of school children into a satire, right?  Why not. 

How many murdered children were buried today?  I bet you could find some great jokes there.  

Reactionaries are going to think this article is hysterical.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Gsquared @2    4 weeks ago

Thanks for your comment. Sorry that it eludes you..

 
 
 
squiggy
Sophomore Quiet
2.2  squiggy  replied to  Gsquared @2    4 weeks ago

Ya'll lost your sense of funnies?

original

 
 
 
squiggy
Sophomore Quiet
2.3  squiggy  replied to  Gsquared @2    4 weeks ago

original

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Freshman Principal
2.3.1  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  squiggy @2.3    4 weeks ago

Exactly right it would have been the waste of a good lesson.

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Freshman Principal
2.4  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  Gsquared @2    4 weeks ago
I bet you could find some great jokes there.

When will you get back to us with some?

 
 
 
1stwarrior
Professor Guide
2.5  1stwarrior  replied to  Gsquared @2    4 weeks ago

Would have been more appropriate with your "/S" tag.  Sorry you missed it.

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
2.6  Ronin2  replied to  Gsquared @2    4 weeks ago

Let us all know when Democrats stop using this tragedy to push their political agenda; and actually want to discuss making schools harder targets so this type of thing doesn't happen again?

Security guards and arming teachers are just two of the things being brought to the table. Also being discussed is having all doors put on automatic locks that can be controlled from the main office. Only having 1 point of access open to the school at a time. Having cameras at all entrances and main hallways. Put second doors with bullet proof glass at main entrances that are locked- so people have to be buzzed in by the office.

Democrats have their damn "No guns allowed" and "No gun zone" dinner bells on the schools; and are damn well going to make sure the only people that will have guns are the government and criminals. That should fix the problem!/S 

 
 
 
SteevieGee
Senior Silent
2.6.1  SteevieGee  replied to  Ronin2 @2.6    4 weeks ago
Security guards and arming teachers are just two of the things being brought to the table. Also being discussed is having all doors put on automatic locks that can be controlled from the main office. Only having 1 point of access open to the school at a time. Having cameras at all entrances and main hallways. Put second doors with bullet proof glass at main entrances that are locked- so people have to be buzzed in by the office.

I could go along with all of that.  Sounds expensive though.  Maybe we could pay for it with a tax on guns and ammo.

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
2.6.2  Ronin2  replied to  SteevieGee @2.6.1    3 weeks ago
I could go along with all of that.  Sounds expensive though.  Maybe we could pay for it with a tax on guns and ammo.

More expensive than providing security for all of the Washington political hacks? How about we tax all politicians for the security provided to them by the US tax payer? Better still how about we turn making a political contribution from a tax deduction into a taxable amount. They are buying influence when making any political contribution it should be taxed. Say at 100 percent of the donated amount. Small contributors won't care. The Soros, Kochs, and their friends will definitely feel it though.

Taxing law abiding citizens for other's criminal acts is a crime in and of itself. How about we tax all alcohol for all of those drunk drivers that cause accidents, fatalities, the clean ups, and the court costs? Never mind that the vast majority of people don't drive drunk that use alcohol,. How about we tax all registered Democrats for all the death and damages their coddling of criminals causes? The fact that the majority of Democrat voters never will commit a crime of any kind; but the idiots they vote for enable those that do. 

 
 
 
SteevieGee
Senior Silent
2.6.3  SteevieGee  replied to  Ronin2 @2.6.2    3 weeks ago

I'm all for taxing alcohol to pay for rehab and other problems caused by drinking.  If you want to drink, you help pay for the problems you cause.  I'm all for taxing cigarettes to pay for healthcare subsidies.  If you smoke you create an easily preventable burden on healthcare systems.  I'm all for taxing gasoline to pay for highway improvements.  Why should those who don't drive have to pay for freeways? 

If, as you say, we need to harden our schools and pay billions for security so that people can have guns, why shouldn't gun owners have to help pay for it?

As far as security for "political hacks"?  I remember being in my 20s years ago sneaking around in our capitol building and other buildings here in Cali.  We called it urban spelunking.  It's filled with secret hallways and lots of cool libraries and stuff.  I have a photo of me and my gf making out on the supreme court bench. We never got caught.  There was practically no security at all.  Those days, sadly, are gone.

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Freshman Principal
2.6.4  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  SteevieGee @2.6.3    3 weeks ago
If, as you say, we need to harden our schools and pay billions for security so that people can have guns, why shouldn't gun owners have to help pay for it?

A federal excise tax of 10–11 percent on the import and production of firearms and ammunition has been in place since 1919.  Some states and locals have additional taxes on firearms and or ammunition in addition to their sales tax.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
3  Buzz of the Orient    4 weeks ago

Taking into consideration the brainpower (?) of those who stormed the Capital Building on January 6th, wouldn't the schools be taking a big chance of being stormed by ignoramuses who still believe Trump won the election?

 
 
 
squiggy
Sophomore Quiet
3.1  squiggy  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3    4 weeks ago

One intruder was killed by an armed Capitol agent - where’s the funny part?

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
3.1.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  squiggy @3.1    4 weeks ago

One insurrectionist breaking the law was killed by an armed Capital agent whose responsibility was to protect the Capital Building and the lawmakers.  There, fixed that for you.

 
 
 
squiggy
Sophomore Quiet
3.1.2  squiggy  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.1.1    4 weeks ago

Here’s your cookie.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
3.1.3  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  squiggy @3.1.2    4 weeks ago

No cookie there that I can see - is it an internet cookie?

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.1.4  Texan1211  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.1.1    4 weeks ago
One insurrectionist breaking the law was killed by an armed Capital agent whose responsibility was to protect the Capital Building and the lawmakers.  There, fixed that for you.

Did you think most people don't know what the functions of the Capitol Police are?

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
3.1.5  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Texan1211 @3.1.4    4 weeks ago

My reply to squiggy, and not to you, was to indicate that what happened was NOT FUNNY.  Your reply is totally unnecessary. 

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.1.6  Texan1211  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.1.5    4 weeks ago
My reply to squiggy, and not to you, was to indicate that what happened was NOT FUNNY. 

I read who your post was to. My post was to you.

Sorry, I missed the whole part where you said something about it not being funny, perhaps you can point it out to me?

Your reply is totally unnecessary. 

And I considered your reply to him to be unnecessary, I just had the manners to not say it then.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
3.1.7  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Texan1211 @3.1.6    4 weeks ago

Since this article is SATIRE, nothing is serious, so why don't you just stop trolling me.

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
3.1.8  Ronin2  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.1.5    4 weeks ago

Another person that doesn't know what an insurrectionist is.

Tell us all what insurrections try to seize control of government with no firearms; bombs; at least some support of the military; and w/o a plan to hold any territory or vital assets? They got bored and left for happy hour! As compared to the killing and destruction caused by BLM and Antifa all across the US for over a year; it was a slow day in DC. They didn't even have the balls to burn anything down! Some insurrectionists. 

 
 
 
squiggy
Sophomore Quiet
3.1.9  squiggy  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.1.1    4 weeks ago

“There, fixed that for you.”

You didn’t fix shit - you retyped what I said, for fucks sake. Armed guards work. It’s exactly why I questioned you yesterday about needing Chinese guards, in your utopia, with rifles. 

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
PhD Guide
3.1.10  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  squiggy @3.1    4 weeks ago
One intruder was killed by an armed Capitol agent

One UNARMED person killed.  

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
3.1.11  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Ronin2 @3.1.8    4 weeks ago

Call it whatever you want.  I watched it on TV.  It was a real eyeopener to watch - everyone here couldn't believe that it was AMERICA - it had to be some third world primitive nation.  But go ahead and defend it, call it a Sunday school picnic if you want. 

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.1.12  Texan1211  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.1.7    4 weeks ago
Since this article is SATIRE, nothing is serious, so why don't you just stop trolling me.

I wish people would stop using "trolling" when they can't respond with anything else.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
3.1.13  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Texan1211 @3.1.12    4 weeks ago

Do you remember this comment quoted from META?

"If you are not a troll, why does almost everyone on this forum think you are?" 
 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Freshman Guide
3.1.14  Right Down the Center  replied to  Texan1211 @3.1.12    4 weeks ago

Some people actually think they are worthy of being trolled. Most have nothing worthwhile to respond to so if you do they like to pretend they are being trolled.

 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Freshman Guide
3.1.15  Right Down the Center  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.1.13    4 weeks ago

Are they taking a troll poll?

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
3.1.16  JohnRussell  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.1.7    4 weeks ago

This the sort of meaningless blabber we get from this person 24/7. 

 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Freshman Guide
3.1.17  Right Down the Center  replied to  JohnRussell @3.1.16    4 weeks ago

You up side-trolling early this morning.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.1.18  Texan1211  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.1.13    4 weeks ago

As I have tried to explain in plain English many, many times before, why would I care what some anonymous person on the internet thinks of me?

I don't seek validation from folks, I don't need it, and can only feel pity for those who do.

Plus, I am not responsible for what some idiots think.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.1.19  Texan1211  replied to  JohnRussell @3.1.16    4 weeks ago

JR, the day you can recognize babbling will be the day you finally stop posting such inanities.

I am anticipating that day never.

 
 
 
Nerm_L
PhD Principal
3.2  Nerm_L  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3    4 weeks ago
Taking into consideration the brainpower (?) of those who stormed the Capital Building on January 6th, wouldn't the schools be taking a big chance of being stormed by ignoramuses who still believe Trump won the election?

Those ignoramuses stormed the Capitol with flag poles, bicycle racks, and deadly fire extinguishers.  And the central government responded with guns, lotsa guns, more guns.  The central government responded with fear and force.  It was a Shanghai moment.

The response of the central government in the United States has been no different than the response of the central government in China to the Shanghai protests.  Repression.  Persecution.  Political revenge.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
3.2.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Nerm_L @3.2    4 weeks ago

OMG.  And to think that I started to respect your comments.  I watched on TV the Jan6 ignoramuses smash the windows and doors to INVADE the Capitol Building like a bunch of wild animals, and I'm in full agreement that they should have been treated like wild animals accordingly.   And what Shanghai protests?  I watched on TV live the unbelievable destruction of private and public property being perpetrated by the Hong Kong protesters, if that's what you mean - wild animals as well.  If you're talking about the protests about the Shanghai covid lockdowns - the lockdowns worked and nobody starved to death, and Shanghai is opening up again - a little more successful than America achieves with its lame control of the virus and public scoffing at what's necessary to control it. . 

 
 
 
Nerm_L
PhD Principal
3.2.2  Nerm_L  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.2.1    4 weeks ago
OMG.  And to think that I started to respect your comments.  I watched on TV the Jan6 ignoramuses smash the windows and doors to INVADE the Capitol Building like a bunch of wild animals, and I'm in full agreement that they should have been treated like wild animals accordingly.   And what Shanghai protests?  I watched on TV live the unbelievable destruction of private and public property being perpetrated by the Hong Kong protesters, if that's what you mean - wild animals as well.  If you're talking about the protests about the Shanghai covid lockdowns - the lockdowns worked and nobody starved to death, and Shanghai is opening up again - a little more successful than America achieves with its lame control of the virus and public scoffing at what's necessary to control it. . 

That comment highlights cultural differences, doesn't it?  There seems to be a differing view on the importance and role of central government.

The Capitol building still stands.  The Senate chamber is still in use.  In fact, the Senate chamber was used on Jan. 6th to accept and certify the electoral results of the 2020 election delivered by the decentralized state governments.  The central government did not conduct an election and Congress isn't necessary for conducting elections. 

The charter document for the United States, the Constitution, specifically and deliberately limits the importance and role of central government.  That view of central government is embedded in the American culture.  That is also why many in the United States don't view the Jan. 6th riot at the Capitol as being that important.  

 
 
 
SteevieGee
Senior Silent
3.2.3  SteevieGee  replied to  Nerm_L @3.2    4 weeks ago
Those ignoramuses stormed the Capitol with flag poles, bicycle racks, and deadly fire extinguishers.  And the central government responded with guns, lotsa guns, more guns.  The central government responded with fear and force.

Just because they brought a knife to a gunfight doesn't mean they didn't come to fight.  What do you think the result would have been if they'd gotten a hold of Nancy Pelosi?

 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Freshman Guide
3.2.4  Right Down the Center  replied to  SteevieGee @3.2.3    3 weeks ago

She would raise her eyebrows and they would run away scared, scared and likely to have nightmares for years.

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
3.2.5  Ronin2  replied to  SteevieGee @3.2.3    3 weeks ago
What do you think the result would have been if they'd gotten a hold of Nancy Pelosi?

They didn't. In fact they never got close to getting any of the politicians. Because they stupidly didn't have a plan. they allowed 1 security guard to slow walk, and I mean very slow walk them, away from the congressional chamber. 

One security guard confronting all of those "insurrectionists" and they didn't kill him? Flat out they had the numbers. He never reached once for his gun. He even physically pushes the leader of the group back several times and nothing happens. The dumbasses didn't even know where they were. If they had been "insurrectionists" they would have ran right over a single security guard and known where the damn Congressional Chambers were. Instead they allowed themselves to be lead away by a very slow moving, out of shape, security guard that they never once assaulted. Yeah, they are "insurrectionists"; only in leftist land.

My friends in Serbia saw this video and said the whole thing was staged. They lived through the ouster of Slobodan Milosevic. That was an insurrection/revolution. This was a bunch of fucking morons without the will, clue, or idea of what they were going to do if they even took over DC.

Lots of death, pain, and destruction when Slobodan was removed.. 

 
 
 
SteevieGee
Senior Silent
3.2.6  SteevieGee  replied to  Ronin2 @3.2.5    3 weeks ago

Yeah, as insurrectionists go these guys were really lame.  That's for sure.

 
 

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