Herschel Walker Claims He Is Honorary Power Ranger

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  jbb  •  one month ago  •  30 comments

By:   Conde Nast (The New Yorker)

Herschel Walker Claims He Is Honorary Power Ranger
I can control the Tyrannosaurus Dinozord," the Senate candidate insisted. "Raphael Warnock can't say that.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



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By Andy Borowitz

October 17, 2022 Boro-Power-Ranger.jpg Photograph by Daniel Knighton / Getty

ATLANTA (The Borowitz Report)—Hurling an October surprise into his race for the United States Senate, Herschel Walker has revealed that he is an honorary Power Ranger.

In remarks to reporters at a campaign stop in Atlanta, Walker said that the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers designated him an honorary member sometime in the nineteen-nineties.

"They made me an honorary red Power Ranger," he said. "They gave me the red costume, and the Power Sword and the Tyrannosaurus Power Coin."

Offering further details of his superpowers, Walker said, "I can control the Tyrannosaurus Dinozord. Raphael Warnock can't say that."

Walker revealed that his status as an honorary Power Ranger was the real reason that he did not participate in the most recent candidates' debate. "They wouldn't let me wear my costume, because they claimed it was a 'prop,' " he said, adding that he intends to wear it later this month when he goes trick-or-treating.


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JBB
Professor Principal
1  seeder  JBB    one month ago

original

 
 
 
squiggy
Junior Quiet
2  squiggy    one month ago

You're looking for a crime-fighter?

312313233_8220984767973198_8131271652649635890_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_p526x296&_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=dH54x02SmYQAX996vAy&tn=eyQuu_brMTDIqSGz&_nc_ht=scontent.fwbw1-1.fna&oh=00_AT-WPggkYpjEAoJZHCFVNt5NbvH32Q3Bme3g3QL-PUtGhQ&oe=6358D34C

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Junior Expert
2.1  al Jizzerror  replied to  squiggy @2    one month ago

512

 
 
 
Sunshine
Professor Participates
3  Sunshine    one month ago

This is racist.

 
 
 
George
Freshman Participates
3.1  George  replied to  Sunshine @3    one month ago

Consider the source.

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Junior Expert
3.1.1  al Jizzerror  replied to  George @3.1    one month ago
Consider the source.

The Borowitz Report

By Andy Borowitz

 
 
 
George
Freshman Participates
3.1.2  George  replied to  al Jizzerror @3.1.1    one month ago

Exactly 

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Junior Expert
3.2  al Jizzerror  replied to  Sunshine @3    one month ago
This is racist.

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

This is satire.

 
 
 
Sunshine
Professor Participates
3.2.1  Sunshine  replied to  al Jizzerror @3.2    one month ago

Satirical content can’t be racist?  

Let us mark this day.  

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
3.2.2  GregTx  replied to  al Jizzerror @3.2    one month ago

Shouldn't it be tagged as satire then?

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Junior Expert
3.2.3  al Jizzerror  replied to  GregTx @3.2.2    one month ago
Shouldn't it be tagged as satire then?

Here's the "satire tag"

The Borowitz Report

By Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz report is one of the most popular satire columns in the US.

Andy Borowitz (born January 4, 1958) [1] is an American writer, comedian, satirist , and actor. Borowitz is a The New York Times -bestselling author who won the first National Press Club award for humor. He is known for creating the NBC sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the satirical column The Borowitz Report .

Political satire [ edit ]

In the late 1990s, Borowitz began e-mailing humorous news parodies to friends. In 2001, he founded The Borowitz Report , a site that posts one 250-word news satire every weekday. The site led to greater fame and widespread attention for Borowitz as a political satirist. The Wall Street Journal devoted a page-one story to him and his site in 2003 and readership ultimately grew to the millions. In 2005, the newspaper syndicator Creators Syndicate began syndicating The Borowitz Report to dozens of major newspapers including the Los Angeles Times , The Seattle Times , and The Philadelphia Inquirer . It is also one of the longest-running features at the Newsweek website. He has served as a commentator on the National Public Radio programs Weekend Edition Sunday and Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me! , the latter on November 12, 2006. Borowitz is also a regular contributor to humor newspaper Funny Times .

In 2007, he started blogging for the Huffington Post . His posts were featured on the home page of the blog and quickly became one of its most popular features. His popularity surged during the 2008 campaign, leading The Daily Beast to call him "America's satire king".

In 2009, The Borowitz Report began a Twitter feed, which was voted t he number-one Twitter account in the world in a Time magazine poll in 2011. Eventually, he abandoned the feed.

On July 18, 2012, Borowitz announced that The New Yorker had acquired the Borowitz Report website, the first time that the magazine had ever made such an acquisition. In its first 24 hours as a New Yorker feature, The Borowitz Report garnered the most page views on the entire New Yorker website.

Only extremely uninformed people don't know  The Borowitz Report . is fucking satire.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
3.2.4  GregTx  replied to  al Jizzerror @3.2.3    one month ago

Yes, I am aware. Just asking for a friend, as there seems to be a fair amount of members that don't seem to recognize "fucking satire" when they see it, even if appropriately tagged. 

 
 
 
squiggy
Junior Quiet
3.2.5  squiggy  replied to  al Jizzerror @3.2.3    one month ago
Only extremely uninformed people.    
...refuse to recognize satire in context.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
3.2.6  seeder  JBB  replied to  GregTx @3.2.2    one month ago

Except, it is, Greg. This is tagged as satire...

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Junior Expert
3.2.7  al Jizzerror  replied to  JBB @3.2.6    one month ago
This is tagged as satire...

I copied these "Tags" from the bottom of this article:

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
3.2.8  GregTx  replied to  JBB @3.2.6    one month ago

So satire can be seeded under news and politics? Huh?

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Junior Expert
3.2.9  al Jizzerror  replied to  GregTx @3.2.8    one month ago
So satire can be seeded under news and politics?

Borowitz is published in newspapers and online news sites.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
3.2.10  GregTx  replied to  al Jizzerror @3.2.9    one month ago

And?

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
3.3  Ender  replied to  Sunshine @3    one month ago

How is this racist? I read it and saw no racial overtones...

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
3.4  seeder  JBB  replied to  Sunshine @3    one month ago

How do you figure?

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4  Kavika     one month ago

Hershal, a man for all professions. Let's not forget that he is Cherokee.

A direct descendent of the Wannabe tribe.

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Junior Expert
4.1  al Jizzerror  replied to  Kavika @4    one month ago
A direct descendent of the Wannabe tribe.

jrSmiley_91_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
bugsy
Professor Participates
4.2  bugsy  replied to  Kavika @4    one month ago
A direct descendent of the Wannabe tribe.

Ah, so same tribe as "Pocahontas" Warren.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4.2.1  Kavika   replied to  bugsy @4.2    one month ago

Naw, more like Alex ''Comanche'' Jones another member of the Wannabe tribe.

 
 
 
Revillug
Freshman Guide
5  Revillug    one month ago

It's all a great laugh but the sad thing is that the dude is probably going to win.

Democrats really need to give themselves a top to bottom look-over and figure out why a guy like this or a guy like Trump can win in this country.

Sure, you can blame the fact that stupid racist people who disagree with Democrats are also entitled to vote. That's been the plan for the last 40 years as far as I can tell.

Me? I think the left has just gone too far (overreached) with the social issues.

They went from zero to 110 on gender in the blink of an eye. Just a decade ago, Obama was cornered into changing his position on gay marriage by a Biden gaffe and now the left is acting like anyone reluctant to abandon gendered pronouns is engaging in hate speech.

No, that wasn't hyperbole.

We went from trying to put an earnest end to discrimination to pushing books like this gem:

YSZwaWQ9QXBp

The majority of people don't want Democrats anywhere near their kids.

Also, the economy sucks. I doubt Republicans will do a single thing to help on that front. But it is what it is.

It's kind of pointless to make the case that people need to give Democrats more time to sort out the economy when people simply don't want them running society.

On the bright side, I am sure the Democrats will have no problem waiting out another 40 years in the political wilderness. It's what we do.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
5.1  seeder  JBB  replied to  Revillug @5    one month ago

Over forty years of the gop demonizing Democrats as ungodly blood sucking baby killers is paying off.

 
 
 
Revillug
Freshman Guide
5.1.1  Revillug  replied to  JBB @5.1    one month ago
Over forty years of the gop demonizing Democrats as ungodly blood sucking baby killers is paying off.

Sure, you can blame the fact that stupid racist people who disagree with Democrats are also entitled to vote. That's been the plan for the last 40 years as far as I can tell.
 
 
 
Hal A. Lujah
Professor Guide
5.2  Hal A. Lujah  replied to  Revillug @5    one month ago

Democrats really need to give themselves a top to bottom look-over and figure out why a guy like this or a guy like Trump can win in this country.

It says more about the average Georgian’s ability to see their actions to their logical conclusions than anything about Democrats.  When the country is plagued by a massive influx of unwanted children, leading to huge increases in the need for social services, huge increases in imprisonment of unsupervised offspring with little to live for, increases in gang activity and gang violence, theft by parents desperate to keep food on the table, etc. - then maybe they will figure out the scale of the disservice they foisted on their country.

 
 
 
Revillug
Freshman Guide
5.2.1  Revillug  replied to  Hal A. Lujah @5.2    one month ago

That’s basically the, “if we wait long enough for the world to collapse under the weight of GOP mismanagement voters will have no choice but to give Democrats a shot,” theory of the Emerging Democratic Majority.

We just had our shot.

Wake me up with a Ouija Board in another 40 years.

 
 
 
Hal A. Lujah
Professor Guide
5.2.2  Hal A. Lujah  replied to  Revillug @5.2.1    one month ago

It’s also reality.  This is a country who living expenses are out of control.  Ending the option for the poorest to control their family dynamics is a recipe for disaster for everyone.  They aren’t voting for Walker because he’s a good choice as a leader, they’re doing it strictly to end abortion.

 
 

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