sarah reasoner grey

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Dear Sarah

2017-03-02
By: sarah reasoner grey
Posted in: Advice

Dear Sarah,

There are so many ways to look at the issue I bring to you that I am not certain that you can give me a pat answer. I will try to relate my story as I saw it unfold. About 7 months ago I was dining with my cousin at a restaurant about 30 minutes out of my town. It is a cozy place where people can talk in shadowed corners without necessarily being overheard or maybe even seen.
I hadn't seen my cousin Edward for years so we were catching up on so much stuff that it took us forever to look at our menus and then to order dinner. So we were deep into each other's news.

When our plates came I looked up to thank the waiter and who do I see but my girlfriend's husband with somebody other than her. They were acting very intimate over the table, holding hands, she was gazing lovingly at him. I don't know her, I cannot be seen because my cousin is huge and his back is to them. I was hidden until that moment, but like I said she doesn't know me. Anyway, they left without noticing me, hanging on each other. I was upset and Edward asked me what was wrong, so I told him.

So then we started this conversation about whether to repeat what I saw to my girlfriend or not. It was incredible! My cousin was outraged with me because I said it was none of my business, insisted I call her on my cell immediately. And I'm thinking is he crazy? Why would I make assumptions and upset her like that, so wrong. Anyway, we ended our evening on a sour note because all the way home we argued about this. I never did tell her. And so, Edward was shocked at my unwillingness to blab, told me that if ever anyone saw his wife like that he would want to know immediately, and further, he told me that I was not being a good friend.

 

I on the other hand think this:

 

1.It is wrong to mind somebody else's private business

2.Don't make assumptions

3.Don't start gossip

4.This issue is between my friend and her husband and I do not want to get involved

5. Even if he is cheating I do not want to be the messenger

 

My friend is still married with no open complaints. I am pretty sure they would not be if I had spilled the beans or started something. What do you think was the right thing to do?

 

Signed,

 

Resolute

 

----------------------------------------------------

Dear Resolute,

 

This is definitely a matter of opinion and I will give you mine, short and sweet. The only person you should have spoken with about your 'sighting', if at all, is the husband. Perhaps you should have gone to his table and said hello, giving the husband the opportunity to introduce you to his dinner companion. BTW, this could have been HIS cousin!
Dowser
link 03/06/17 02:07:56PM @dowser:

Excellent advice, Sarah!!

Dean Moriarty
link 03/03/17 05:30:14PM @dean-moriarty:

She should have said hello at the restaurant. 

Randy
link 03/02/17 11:38:04PM @randy:

Stay the hell out of it! All that will happen is that you will end up the middle and will end up being blamed and resented by both.

Spikegary
link 03/02/17 01:59:28PM @spikegary:

Sound advice, Sarah.  Getting involved in something like that is to invite disaster.  Kind of like a cop getting the dreaded call for a domestic incident.......Funny story,  A friend I looked up to and respected my entire Air Force career was on TDY (Temporary Duty)  As a Chief Master Sergeant at Hickam AFB, in Hawaii.  Was in the club having a cold one ot two with his other Senior NCO friends and noticed this girl kept catching his eye, now this is an honest man, and I've never doubted his integrity for a minute.  He is a married man....well, after a while this girl came over to him (and he was a little panicked by this good looking young woman bee lining to him), she walked up and said........"Uncle Steve, is that you?".

He hadn't seen his niece in a long time and knew she was in the Air Force, didn't know she was stationed at Hickam.   It's a small world, but everything that looks bad isn't always bad.

Buzz of the Orient
link 03/04/17 12:31:01AM @buzz-of-the-orient:

Proof that people shouldn't always think the worst, or let their imaginations run away with them.

sarah reasoner grey
link 03/04/17 08:05:05AM @sarah-reasoner-grey:

Or, we might assume that what this man's wife does not know will not hurt her.

TTGA
link 03/11/17 06:00:40PM @ttga:

Or it could hurt her.  STD's are not your friends.  If the husband catches something and passes it along to his unwarned wife, I could see a major guilt trip happening.

sarah reasoner grey
link 03/11/17 07:07:01PM @sarah-reasoner-grey:

Are you saying then that the writer should have told her girlfriend what she saw in the restaurant?

TTGA
link 03/13/17 10:08:48PM @ttga:

Nope, she should have told the husband that he's been spotted and that he might want to think about knocking it off.  Not even the need for an "or else", he knows what his alternatives are without being told.

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