sarah reasoner grey

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Dear Sarah

By: sarah reasoner grey
Posted in: Advice

Dear Sarah, 

I am so glad that I can write this letter anonymously because I would never accuse anyone of wrong doing without proof. It is worrisome to me that my good friend and neighbor about a block away has been sort of missing. When I say missing I mean that the person I  walk with every afternoon is unreachable. I have been to her house twice in three weeks knocking on her door,  call her cell phone. No answer with a 'full message' recording. When I see her husband with the dog he tells me that she has digestive problems but it isn’t serious. I am definitely not a nosey person, but I am concerned for her. We have been walking together with our dogs for more than 4 years, and in that time we have confided a few things to each other. We never really talked all that much about our husbands other than family things, never about anything personal. But when her husband retired she told me that he insisted that he wanted to do all the cooking, something new to her, she told me. She never thought her cooking was all that bad. It became a kind of issue at first, but he got nasty about it and said she wasn't allowing him free rein in the kitchen. It was okay with her for a while until she started getting a sick stomach. One time when we had walked a while she wanted to go into the woods and sit on a large boulder that was our occasional 'sitting rock'. She laughed out loud when she said that she hoped he wasn't poisoning her. At that time I didn't think she was serious, but soon after that remark she called and said she wasn't going to walk until she felt better, so now I am worried. It has been weeks. Do digestive problems cause a person to never answer the door or the phone? It is on my mind all the time now; where is she, why won’t she respond, why haven't I seen her, is her husband hiding something...? I do not know if I should leave it alone or do something. Or how. We never had an argument about anything, I can't imagine why her behavior has changed so much. Is this something that should be brought to the police? Or should I just mind my own business ? I have done everything possible to reach her short of trespassing on her property and peeking in windows. Please help. 



Thinking scary thoughts



Dear Thinking scary thoughts,

If you haven't attempted before now I believe it is time to come to the door bearing a get well gift of chicken soup or flowers, or even a good book. If you are not invited in, do not get to actually see your friend, do not at least hear her voice, or are not satisfied with whatever response you get, it is probably time to discuss the problem with the local police. Be forthright. Tell them your concerns and if they agree they will knock on the door and inquire. The rest will be up to them. This is potentially frightening, and I hope that your friend is okay. Thank you for your letter and for being a concerned neighbor. It would be great if you could get back to me with the outcome.



sarah reasoner grey
link 02/20/17 07:30:56AM @sarah-reasoner-grey:

I have received the update that I requested from thinking scary thoughts:

Dear Sarah,

Quite a lot has happened since I last wrote about my concern for my friend and neighbor. Thank you for caring enough to follow up with us. Around the 1st week of December my neighbor on the south side called us and told us to have our wells tested as they have had problems with high nitrogen and manganese in the water. We are in a valley with horse and sheep farms about two miles above us. We happen to have two wells, one domestic and one non domestic for watering the grounds and vegetable garden. Our water in both wells showed high manganese and one had e coli and high nitrogen. We have little alternative for the manganese but had to shock the one well twice for the e coli. My friend who was so mysteriously absent had come down with Crohn's disease that I believe was brought on by this infiltration of impurities which we all seem to have in our wells around the neighborhood. I can't be sure but this is what I believe. At first she and her husband thought she had some form of cancer and wished to be private about it. I understand that Crohn's can be very debilitating at onset, yet I have not been able to convince her husband to have their very old well tested or resealed, or anything. He's like that. Also, they live right next to a small swampy pond that fills with water fowl in season. I pay an occasional visit but we no longer walk our dogs together. It is very sad that her husband is so unwilling to listen, but I have stopped mentioning it just to keep peace.

Thank you again for writing to me, you are very kind.

Ruby A.

link 11/21/16 11:59:35AM @dowser:

Wonderful advice, Sarah!  I have just watched several Forensic File episodes, where several people were poisoned by their spouse, and bells rang!  

I know that Thinking Scary Thoughts doesn't wish to interfere in any way, but I think it is a good idea that she is keeping track of her friend.  She may have a really good reason to be worried...  If not, at least her friend will know that she cares for her!

Glad to see you back, Sarah!

link 11/19/16 01:13:27AM @sixpick:

Welcome back Sarah!

Personally I don't think going to the door with soup or a good book is a good idea.  You really don't know what or who you are dealing with in this situation.  I don't think I would be doing a lot of talking to her husband either, not much more than a wave or a friendly jester as you pass him on the street.

Tell me who is too sick to answer her phone unless there is something left out of the story and I can imagine there could be, it doesn't seem natural or reasonable for her to completely cut you off so suddenly like that.

I would talk to someone in authority about the situation right away and get to the bottom of it as soon as possible. 

The husband sounding like he, by himself, made the decision to do all the cooking when he supposedly never did it before and the sudden missing friend along with the husband nonchalantly brushing it all off so lightly, knowing how close his wife and you were is very suspicious to me.

As a side note:

In today's world politics can play a part in relationships between people that few of us have ever experienced in our lifetime.  As strange as it seems this could be a reason.  A friend of mine has 3 sons.  One of them is totally against Trump.  He emailed his mother and told her since she voted for Trump he didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore and here is a link to an article about another situation.

I know it is a conservative site and we all know the bias of different sources of information, but if it is true, then this may be the unknown part of the story.

I have heard one of the most popular activities on Facebook these days is DE-friending friends and cutting the limbs off family trees.


link 11/21/16 12:02:53PM @dowser:

To me, it sounds as if the husband could be abusive...  Just a thought...

sarah reasoner grey
link 11/20/16 07:42:01AM @sarah-reasoner-grey:

     Tell me who is too sick to answer her phone unless there is something left out of the story and I can imagine there could be, it doesn't seem natural or reasonable for her to completely cut you off so suddenly like that.

Perhaps it is a person who has become very depressed suddenly living 24/7 with her overbearing husband. Couple that with a digestive problem that won't quit and we have this kind of a situation. In any case, we agree it is just about time to talk with the local police. I hope the writer gets back to me.

Your side note is an interesting story in itself. Sad.

link 11/29/16 12:37:06AM @sixpick:

Hopefully he'll come to his senses as the mother raised all 3 sons by herself.  All three have college educations, good jobs and it is just so strange the way the whole world has come to revolve around this election and the candidates involved.

link 11/17/16 11:03:36AM @spikegary:

Welcome back, Sarah.  I agree-police are generally willing to do health/welfare checks on people, especially those in strange circumstances.

Perrie Halpern R.A.
link 11/17/16 12:40:27AM @perrie-halpern:

I have to agree with your advice Sarah. I got to say, there are a lot of nutters out there that could hurt a spouse, but you don't want to go there immediately. 

sarah reasoner grey
link 11/14/16 05:18:49PM @sarah-reasoner-grey:

I want to mention to you Thinking scary thoughts that it might be something that has occurred in their water if they have a well. Perhaps the husband is less sensitive to certain bacteria. If you are all on the same system please consider getting your water tested.

link 11/14/16 04:45:36PM @pepe:

First off let me say Welcome back Sarah! I tried to get Perrie to let me fill in and I wasn't surprised when she replied, "Are you crazy?" I guess that was silly. 

Either way this one has all the making of a Lifetime network movie. (Wife makes me watch them with her)

I'd say strychnine poisoning for sure, the anti-freeze is much quicker. 

The crazy one says call the Police!


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