Rand Paul Thanks Tom Cotton for Replacing Him as Most Hated Person in Senate
By: Andy Borowitz (The New Yorker)
We can never have too much of the Borowitz Report around here.
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
By Andy Borowitz
July 27, 2020 
Photograph by Bill Clark / CQ Roll Call / AP
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it the "passing of the baton," Senator Rand Paul on Monday thanked Senator Tom Cotton for replacing him as the most hated person in the United States Senate.
Paul expressed surprise and no small amount of admiration at Cotton's feat, telling reporters that being ousted from the most-detested perch was "something that, quite frankly, I didn't see coming."
"When I started attacking Dr. Fauci, I pretty much thought I had the title sewn up," Paul said. "What I didn't count on was that someone like Tom was going to come out of nowhere, saying slavery was necessary."
According to Senate insiders, Cotton beat out a daunting field of competitors for Senator Paul's crown, including Mitch McConnell, Susan Collins, and Ted Cruz.
While he praised Cotton's audacity in snatching the most-loathed mantle, Paul warned that keeping the title for the long haul is another challenge altogether.
"Becoming despised is easy—staying despised is what separates the men from the boys," Paul said. "Having said that, I firmly believe that Tom Cotton has what it takes."
And Cotton comes to the podium to thank his family and his supporters without whom none of this would be possible
they're both sheet wearing morons...
Hard to win the title. I mean, there is quite a few in contention.
Bless his heart.
both of those clowns are assholes
be nice if rand paul's other neighbors would kick his ass