Laika the Space Dog indicted in Mueller's Russian probe
It appears that the list of 27 Russian individuals and companies that have been indicted, pleaded guilty, or been convicted in Special Counsel Mueller’s probe, contained the name of Laika the Space Dog, whose aliases also included "Friend of People."
According to documents obtained by us through a FOIA request, the notorious space canine has long been on the Mueller team's radar over suspicions that she and her associates may have colluded with Donald Trump to sway the results of the presidential election of 2016.
After 22 months and more than 30 million dollars, the Mueller investigation has discovered that Laika, who has been orbiting Earth since 1957, had been organizing and directing political events in the Western world, especially the U.S.A. on behalf of the GRU and the Kremlin. Among long-standing beneficiaries of Laika's subversive efforts was a major political party in the U.S., whose name was redacted in the interests of national security.
The investigation has exposed Laika's intricate methods of sending detailed instructions and functioning as a community organizer from Earth's orbit. The Space Dog's coded transmissions were disguised as regular AM radio signals, but could only be received and decoded if the recipient wore special headgear made of thin reflecting metal, otherwise known as a "tinfoil hat."
Having paid $87,000 to a security contractor for the manufacturing of ten custom-made tinfoil hats and fitting them on the heads of Special Counsel investigators, the team was able to intercept one such transmission. It appears among the previously undisclosed pages of the Mueller report:
< BEGIN TRANSMISSION >
I have been selflessly orbiting Earth since 1957, breaking space endurance records, proving Soviet Space Program is more advanced than Amerikanski Program. Man on the moon, ptooey! Amerikanski not returned to moon since 1972, and I am still up here!
But I would like to come back to Earth and help Amerikanski workers and farmers defeat capitalist oppressors and live happily like Soviet workers and farmers. They could use help from Hero Dog of Soviet Union, Friend of People, no?
< END TRANSMISSION >
Critics have accused Mueller of making "Potemkin village" indictments, since all of the indicted Russians are unlikely to ever see a U.S. courtroom. That includes Laika the Space Dog, who, experts believe, will continue to operate from space and above the law. Which, in turn, will continue to provide Democrat politicians with ways to blame their electoral losses on Laika the Space Dog.
The space canine, who is believed to be currently in orbit, was unavailable for comment.
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