Newstalkers Advice Column
I like to read various advice columns; sometimes the answers are hilarious. So, I am starting one in here. I'll go first. Useful advice is appreciated, but humorous advice will be more entertaining.
I have a friend, "Jenny." Jenny has a lot of good qualities, so I don't want to totally write her off as a friend. But she has a flaw which drive me nuts. She's fairly melodramatic and self-absorbed in general, but she's also obsessed with her job and how much she claims it sucks. As in, if she manages to corner you and you don't escape, you'll listen to a 20 minute transcript of what Bob said, and what Jenny said, and what Debra said, and then what so and so said, all to drag you down into the land of suck when you're trying to just enjoy your evening. It's the same story, over and over, and it's usually something that wouldn't even bother most people that much, but is somehow a total crisis. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.
Misery may love company, but company does not always love misery.
I've been pretty successful at avoiding getting cornered if I run into her at a happy hour, so I don't get sucked in. I try wandering over to other people when she comes in, asking them about their day, having an actual conversation, watching the game, playing games, and such. But every now and then, we do end up one-on-one and then she's on her job tirade. Oh, I forgot one thing - when she isn't bitching about her job, she's buried in her phone on Facebook. She simply cannot hold an actual conversation when she's on a "poor Jenny" roll, which is way too often.
I have a few options that I can think of:
1: Let her start talking, then after a minute of listening, take a book from her page and get engrossed in Facebook on my phone. She'll probably lose interest and get on Facebook herself, or else wander off to find someone else who wants to hear her bitch about work.
2: Let her start talking, and after a minute, jump in say "OMG! I totally know what you're talking about." Then go into a tirade on all the shitty things that happened to me at work that day, talking over her if she tries to say anything, and making sure I don't say anything positive. After a couple of minutes, she'll probably flee. After a few times of that happening, she'll probably instinctively NEVER try to talk about work with me again. But anyone who overhears me may think I've turned into her, and may avoid me too.
3: Say, "Isn't this the same monologue you've already given me 100 times? I love you, but this story never changes. I hate Stairway to Heaven because I've heard it too often, and now I hate hearing about how much your job sucks." Oh, wait - I've already tried this approach. It makes her try to vent to me less frequently, but it doesn't last. She can't help herself.
4: Hold up my index finger and say "You have one minute - give me just an executive summary." If done consistently, it should also drive her to corner someone else who's willing to listen to the entire transcript. And it's a lot faster to say than #3.
5: Suggest taking classes (she has free education as a benefit), getting a career coach and/or talking to a recruiter to see how her skills translate into other areas. Oh, wait - I've already tried this approach too.
6: Point out how many people we know who are either furloughed, working without pay, or losing work because their customer base isn't getting paid. She's lucky to have a damn job right now and to be getting a paycheck. Reality checks don't work with constant complainers or the self-absorbed, though, so I don't think this will be too successful.
What other options can you think of? I'm thinking the executive summary - it's not too rude, and it gives her a chance to vent briefly while not subjecting me to the land of suck.
The cat picture has no relevance, but I forgot we can't post articles without a picture, for some odd reason.
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Since vowing to wear this fake nose and glasses to protest the fake President, my social life has been suffering. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make friends or get dates while constantly wearing this ridiculous get-up? How can I improve my social situation with Trump still in office? Removing the fake nose and glasses before the fake president gets removed is out of the question. Thank-you.
Signed,
Lonely Victim of Trumpism
Go Hang out at Chickie's & Pete's. LOL
Nothing is strange there.
You can always pay. Worked for trump.
Dear Lonely Victim,
I would suggest changing the moustache so it doesn't look so much like overgrown nose hairs. Is that permissible with your vow?
Sincerely,
Random NT Advice Giver
Oh, that is a great one.
Find a Meatballs film festival. You will look just like Harvey Atkin who played Morty, the head counselor. You will be most popular.
I'm available
Might I suggest the tried and true method of gettin' some by replacing your fake nose with a fake nose pencil sharpener? There's nothing sexier than an innovative way to impress the ladies. Try the "music's too loud in here ... let me get your number" schtick. Pull out a pencil and shove it up your nose to sharpen it and write her number on a napkin. Don't pick a napkin off the floor ... make sure it's a sanitary napkin, not a germy one. [That was not a menstruation joke. Menstruation jokes are not funny ... period!] I find licking the sharpened end of the pencil before writing anything down makes it more legible. There isn't a girl on earth who would find your come-on inventive and sexy.
I like that.
Take out your cell phone and start recording. When she asks you what you are doing, tell her that what she says means so much to you, that you want to share it with her at a later date. Then the next time she starts, share it with her.
btw.. you can never have enough cat pictures.
Haha!
Katrix, I would say tag team the woman. Have a buddy system. When one sees the other get caught, counter act.
I like this one. My family uses this one on my ex-MIL.
The only counter action would be to get one of my friends to take my place. I supposed I could make that happen by needing to pee suddenly
ipod, wireless earbuds, and when she stops talking and her eyebrows arch, utter the words "I agree with you completely". that or give her something to look forward to at home by sending her a multi-functional vibrator anonymously, since her former husband is now obviously a resident of an asylum.
Sounds like a lot of BS to go thru for someone you'd really rather just avoid.
I have looked such people in the eye and then said, "Sorry, but I do not care"...
I know, but she does have some fun qualities. I'd rather not be quite so rude, since I've figured out how to avoid it for the most part.
Rude? I said, "Sorry". One must ignore a lot of social cues to get to there...
I may as well start it with "Bless your heart, but ... "
I do use #3 & #4 often.
Love her to pieces but my wife can go on for hours over and over repeating her displeasure at work. She now gets 90 minutes of venting after work and then reminded her 90 minutes are up, or that it's a weekend day.
LOL 90 minutes a day of bitchin, man she must be sweet.
I guess there's always a price ta pay for that. lol
90 minutes is very generous. I could only take about 15, which explains why I'm divorced now. the 2 amateur marriage counselors she worked with finally converted her.
or she fooled them.
O.M.G. I just saw myself in your wife
I bitch about work endlessly. I work with some real assholes and I don't have any friends so Mr Giggles gets the brunt of it.
So you just realized you married a saint, good for you. Now stop it.
LOL
He's no saint....he talks a lot. I'm lucky to get my weekly work bitch in
That man talks All. The. Time.
He's just bitchin anyway ..... Join in !
lol
Love that! "All. The. Time"
In social setting I'm a chatty cathy, but after years and years of talking for a living I stay pretty quiet. That drove her nuts, especially in the prison gig (she still works there) "How was your day?" "Oh fine, just another day"
She already knew differently.
My ex demanded we see a marriage counselor she picked a female counselor, I'm suspecting she thought she would have a backup.
After the first session the counselor made an appointment for a week later and said I was done. The appointment was for my ex....suddenly she decided we didn't need counseling. Lol.
What other options can you think of?
Walk away. Simple, effective and done.
IMO: Life's too short to allow anyone to make you uncomfortable, I always figured that's why GOD gave me feet and I'm not afraid ta use em.
I had a friend not long ago that I got sick of his negativity, he's no longer a part of my world, he can drag others down now instead. I am free of the man.. Good. When someone doesn't inrich your world and instead is a burden you really are better off with out them anyway.
I do walk away for the most part. She's part of a large group of friends and I don't want to be that rude. Snarky is OK, but outright rude would be too mean. She does have good qualities and I certainly have my own flaws ...
If her crap qualities out weigh the goodness IMO you are better off without her anyway. Losers dont change and from my experience obnoxious assholes just get worse the longer you know them.
If there are things you can enjoy about her, take them and leave the rest, if that causes problems the whole friendship probably isn't worth it investing your time and effort into anyway.
Millions of human on earth to be friends with, why be around people you dont care for. I'm not.
Chances are that group is about as sick of her shit as you are. Move the group on without her , maybe she'll change.
LOL Not likely. She'll just go find someone else with to share her negativity. So what, your done at that point and your then free.
I ran into her last night ... I avoided getting cornered. One poor guy walked in and she spent 20 minutes bitching about her job to him, while the rest of us chatted and watched Jeopardy. I did not win the wager on Final Jeopardy, though.
Ahh the sacrificial lamb tatic. Poor soul. Now he knows.
next
The ironic thing is that she's a funny storyteller. The first time she corners you, it's actually rather amusing, the way she tells it. He looked like he was enjoying the monologue. It will get old quick now that she views him as a willing audience, though!
That's how they achieve getting their audience. I had a friend the same way. Your right after a short time though it gets old quick and then stays old.
I finally came to the conclusion my friend was never going to change, so I did. Now we are no longer friends and he is off telling his constantly negative but slightly entertaining stories to someone else, over and over probably, meanwhile I took that time I was spending on him and did positive things for myself.
Overall I consider it I won, he lost, and I do not miss his negativity one damn bit... In fact now I question myself on WTF I put up with his negative ass for as long as I did. I dont plan on doing that again I do know that. I will drop negative people sooner from now on. Life's too short to associate with too much negativity for long that one doesn't have to.
Millions of people out there many not nearly as negative as this friend was, so I moved on.
Seriously, just confront her on it in a loving way.
Just a straight "We love you but....."
I had one friend who I had to cut contact with because she was even more negative than "Jenny" but without the other good qualities that "Jenny" has. One time I told her she was too cynical and she told me I wasn't cynical enough! And her envy of everyone and everything ... everyone else was luckier than she is ... ugh. I felt sorry for her but I couldn't take it any longer.
Yep some people are so damaged they aren't worth the time or effort. And ya cant fix others. Best to cut your own losses and move on. Good for you.
act confused and ask her to draw a flow chart
Oh, that's perfect! It will take her a while to find someone with a piece of paper, and then by the time she manages to draw it, I will have had plenty of time to immerse myself in a different conversation!
LOL IF she doesn't get the message by then, she never will.
From this type of constantly bitchin person, that's normally what ya get. empty headed, self centered, crapola, Everytime.
The ones I've met like this didn't have the brains to even know when they had been insulted and or pushed away anyhow. They just blame others. It's always someone else's fault that they are a dumbass. LOL Go figure.
Anyway, Good Luck to you.
How many times do I have to say it??! Menstruation jokes are not funny ... PERIOD!
Dear katrix,
I am beside myself and do not know what to do.
While driving my car the rear tires insist on rolling forwards. I have tied everything I can think of to fix this. I have even tried driving backwards, but this is just as bad. When I do this the front tires then begin to roll backwards.
This is driving me crazy.
Why are the called rear tires if they roll forward and front tires if they roll backwards?
I am at my wits end here.
This is just as bad as my perpetual motion machine. I have routed the exhaust from me cars engine to the induction. For some stupid reason, the engine constantly shuts itself off!!! It's all the same thing. What could the difference be?
I am at my wits end here.
Please help.
Signed,
Running in circles.
Dear Running in Circles,
You make a wonderful point. You need to take your car to the shop and have the tires rotated. When a mechanic does this to your car, it gets the tires rolling in the proper direction - the rear tires will roll backward, and the front tires will roll forwards, as they should. That's why they call it "rotating" the tires.
Regarding your perpetual motion machine, I must defer to another random NT Advice Columnist. I will suggest that you confine such experiments to the great outdoors and avoid garages for such pastimes.
Sincerely,
Random NT Advice Columnist
OF COURSE!!!
Why didn't I think of that.
Thank you so much katrix.
Now I wonder what advice might help with my perpetual motion machine?
I wonder if greasing the muffler bearings might help?
not unless they're already making a constant loud noise. Just start the engine and listen, you'll know.
Have them switch the summer air for winter air while they are rotating those rubber donuts,
You might be on to something there, Steve.
Now that is an interesting option.
hmmmm? Do you see any reason to stagger the summer/winter air balances between the 4 corners?
Only if you live where the weather is nice one day and cold the next.
Maybe you need to check your blinker fluid.
Good idea.
I might just change it. Maybe I'll upgrade to DOT 5.
Dear Katrix: My accountant diagnosed me with "shortness of funds".
I have a Script for pills to keep me from paying sales tax, which is not good for my financial health.
Pharmacies at Walgreens, Wal-Mart, Wegmans and other stores whose names begin with the letter, "w" will not honor the Rx.
What do you recommend?
Enoch.
Dear Enoch,
There are lots of places online where you can buy your pills instead. Granted, you will have no idea what's actually in them, but sometimes surprise can be fun!
Sincerely,
Katrix
Dear Friend Katrix: Sounds good to me.
Is there a downside to that, I wonder?
The Script was for Placebetol.
More than affordable, as it contains no active ingredients.
E.
Dear Friend Enoch,
There is the possibility of being arrested or dying (especially if the Internet version of the pills DOES contain active ingredients). But you will definitely not be paying sales tax if you are in jail or dead, so that's the upside of the downside.
Sincerely,
Katrix
Dear Friend Katrix: Thanks.
I think I will have a box of wine, a bottle of Placebetol: then take a nap and sleep on this.
E.
Dear Friend SMAAB: Matchless scene.
E.
I have a friend, "Jenny
I would take option# 7, that would be to find a new friend, sounds as if Jenny has run Her course.
Well, it's not as though I can keep from running into her. I live in a small town and everyone of all ages hangs out together. On the rare instance when I can't avoid being cornered, though, I need a good response.
You could tell her that your trying to adjust your hearing aid but can't quite get it tuned to hear what she is saying.
A little white lie but very effective.
Dear Brother Kavika: What?
Say what?
Enoch at the Xerox Machine, Trying to Repeat That.
Then honesty may be your last option. Ne nice but be honest. Either she'll change or the relationship will be over, either way you're free from the shit. Until then It sounds like you are willing to suffer in silence with her, which is always a choice.
I figure if a friend can't accept my honesty that I have some sort of a problem with something they do , I really dont Need them as a friend anyway.
Personally , I stopped going very far down one way roads long ago with anyone. I dont need or want people in my life who do not respect me, my wishes and my life as well as their own.
I could pretend to have the runs, and keep heading to the bathroom!
Run the other way:), but in the event that She happens to runs faster than yourself give Jenny a dose of Her own medicine. After a few applications, She will most likely be running the other way.
You two sound like you go together like peas and carrots so this is what i would do.
Be honest, give her a call and let her know you don't appreciate all the extra melodrama being brought into your life. It might just work.
Her number is: 867-5309 ...... 867-5309 .....
I wonder how many people had to change their phone numbers when that song came out?
Lol, probably a few.
I'll admit it, i dialed it once to see if anyone would answer ...... not a working number.
Now I have an earworm.
My best friend does this all the time. I usually let her go on for a bit with a couple of "uh Huhs" and "I know what you means" and then when she stops to sip her cocktail or take a puff on her cig I introduce a totally different subject & she goes onto that one forgetting the one she was on.
That might work - I'll have to try it next time! I told her once that I go to happy hour to escape from the workday, and she goes to relive it.
That is the way I feel when I get home and hubby asks about my day.... I really just want to forget all about work.