When you start forgetting things....You can still laugh
When you start forgetting things....You can still laugh
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ' Last nightwe went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Nah, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
’Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
'Because she can still drive!'
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
One more........
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
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Sent to me in an email by my brother, who is more than 4 years older than me. At our age we can laugh at these jokes because we KNOW what it's like. But fortunately neither of us has reached the point these jokes describe as yet (although I have a feeling some of you think I have).
Here are a few old folk jokes...
I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. Rita Rudner
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. Erma Bombeck
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Author Unknown
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. George Burns
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen
I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Andy Rooney
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra. Will Rogers
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
Sam and Ernie were discussing life at the retirement community. Sam say's to Ernie, ''Ernie I hear you been seeing that blond down the hall, getting a little on the side are you.'' Ernie looks at Sam and say's...''.I didn't know they moved it.''
The stairway one reminded me about the one about going up the stairs to get something and by the time you reached the top you forgot why you climbed the stairs.
Too funny !!!!
Buzz and Kavika: All good ones.
Please keep them coming.
E.
It's Only funny till its you.
LOL
.
Spoken from experience. lol
An old woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
A 94year old man puts on his best tux and heads downtown and after a while finds what he was looking for a house of ill-repute. He goes in and walks up to the madam and she says "What can we do for you, pops?"
He looks around at the girls and says "I want plenty of SEX, I'm 94 years old!"
One of the girls says "You're 94? why, you must have had PLENTY of sex." (giggle.)
The man looks confused, he looks at the girl for a moment, then looks at the madam for moment and says
"Well then, how much do I owe you?" as he reaches for his wallet.
I think that's how it goes, anyway. I can't exactly remember.
Neither could he.
Not the worst way to go, I guess.
I don't know why. but I can't open the picture you posted - sometimes my computer is unable to read even what is indicated to be a jpg picture because it's in a different format or is a bitmap image.
Here ya go Brother....
Thanks go to Uppy for posting it....
Thanks NWM...appreciate the help! Too good not to share!
Well done, everyone! Thanks for my Friday morning giggles
One day I forgot where I put my keys. I made one strategic football move towards my objective, so I thought, and then poured myself a coke ! Now what was I gonna do again ?
I have already learned that it is a mistake to do something intervening carrying out the original intent, because it wipes out all memory of the original intent.
Distractions when your older, aren't a good thing !
The ability to Multi-Task slows down to 2 or 3 tasks at most, the older you get. LOL !
LOL
The older I get, the less patience I seem to have.
And the more I seem to speak my mind. Unfiltered.
It's kinda nice....lol
One can sometimes get into trouble by "Speaking Their Mind" - I have.
O I certainly agree.
But sometimes being patent, tactful, avoiding and/or ignoring reality, being manipulated, deceived and taken advantage of deserves Speaking your mind straight up regardless of the cost.
Over the years I have finally learned to be assertive. I was passive aggressive.
passive aggressive behavior results in pain for all involved eventually. People can only takes so much then they are aggressive and everyone loses.
Assertive behaviour you actually say what you will accept right up front. In Other words you speak your mind.
I dont "Take too much" because I dont Take what I dont want too to begin with. I say what I am willing to accept.
Its called setting boundaries and sticking to them. It works for me.