This Zillow Listing Has A Very Tasteful Sex Den And Just WTF Is Happening Here?
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
You probably didn’t even know you were in the market for a private adult sexual oasis, but now you do. I mean, come on. You know you need a private adult sexual oasis. You just don’t know you need it. Just like everyone didn’t know they needed shiplap until Joanna Gaines lightly nudged them.
Allow this Zillow listing to lightly nudge you.
“50 shades of Maple Glen. One of a kind suburban home with a sexy twist.” That’s how the listing starts, and oh boy it doesn’t disappoint. This Maple Glen home has all the curb appeal you’d expect from a suburban Pennsylvania abode. Look at those shutters!
That looks like a fully functioning wine fridge built into the kitchen island!
Exposed brick for days!
Fireplace in the master bedroom! Built ins! Totally creepy, yet well-lighted sex dungeon!
Huh.
I’m not sure what this is. Does anyone know?
Apparently, this isn’t just a real estate agent with a sense of humor who went rogue. Some suburban couple has seen all the 50 Shades movies, and they likey. A lot. So much, that they installed a very well lit sex dungeon in their house, and rent it out for “events.”
Home currently is being offered as an Air B&B rental @maisonxs that gets $750 a night on weekdays and $2000 a night on the weekends for private parties or entertainment.
But the best part is that they just threw in the pictures of the dungeon in between some shots of a home gym and spacious dining room. “Around the corner is a nice eat in kitchen, and to the left is a room that will be burned on your brain for all of eternity.”
Award winning Upper Dublin school district.
Oh great, an award winning school district. Your kids are definitely going to want to move out ASAP, so a solid college trajectory would be good.
I don’t want to sound like a prude, but just what even is this?
House is being sold furnished.
Of course. It better be sold furnished. This bed that is going to haunt my dreams eternally better come with this fucking house. You think you’re a freak in the sheets, then you see this, and your whole world is turned upside down. I mean, does your head go in this?
I blame my third grade bestie for absolutely ruining sex dungeons for me for life. Stick with me. She climbed into a sleeping bag I head first rode down the stairs in and wouldn’t let me out. Boom! Claustrophobic for life. I’ll never experience joy by having all my limbs incapacitated in a guillotine-reminiscent canopy bed.
Regardless, less than a million dollars is a steal for 5,000 square feet and built in bookshelves. And sex dungeons.
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I see that the house comes equipt with a wine fridge and whips and chains.. but does it have great Danes and a quart of KY?
as long as room for plenty of no Hope for escaping Chests,
i'm inn
When more people make sex more interesting more people will have more interesting sex lives.
I love the neutral color scheme.
love the color commentary
touche AK
they look bearly, come
to think of it, used and abused, like that shower stall made of carpet
that'll never get to match those damn drapes
I agree. Something in a Berber weave would really pull the room together.
do I need curtains to hang em from the ceiling ?
WTF !
the basement has no floor...
and everyone lives inna barn without a door
, and sell, sell, sell
to single cell organisms, cellulose, all taped together like a tape of a recording of a recording of a tape,
neutered and definitely fertile
grounds for a bitchin bassturd,
well
at leasts thatz what was overheard while underspoken
hear aloud, here allowed, or, there, aloud, but bearly audible, even thowe, decibel deficiencies, usually unherdof , go Deafinitely into that alleged good knight ware I house shine of armour all n then sum, and no one yell fire please
I like it, if it also has big garage and place for model trains it will be perfect
Oh no. I knew.
Tacos....I'm shocked ???
so turn up the Damn Voltage and get this Haunted House a Rockin witt more of the Current
events I choose to swim against, cause I can't swim
fore to save skin in an enlufhrened
unless it's foreshadowed, in the parody presenting presence not felt, yet rapped too tight , like an all lit up X mass Christmas wRapped presence, for all the wrong wreasons marked absent, for being Tardy, doesn/t entitle one to being a tart too tart
cause I prefer sweet
n low, as tar tar can go
at least
whence it BBBB's this ass's phault, cuz, that's where I draw the imaginary phault line,
so asz, I can say it's anothers' fault
that it's
"nobodys' Fault but Mine"
that
I'm a canary
in a Mynna a Byrds egg
shell game of
salad, sandwhiched between the egg, and the mayo naze , yet Thrown, like a pie, directly at a chart
Um, "Fidaleo"?