9 tips for talking to people you disagree with
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
There’s value in having conversations with people with whom you don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye with . You might evolve your perspective on a topic. You might bolster your argument for why you disagree. You might learn something new about your conversation partner. And when we’re respecting one another and acting like grown-ups, such conversations can be really interesting.
But perhaps too often, respect falls to the wayside and we channel our inner five-year-old-selves, rather than the cool, calm, rational adults we all can be.
We often need to have difficult conversations about things we disagree on to reach solutions, particularly with family, partners, and close friends, says Holly Weeks , an adjunct lecturer in public policy at Harvard Kennedy School of Government (she teaches about communications issues) and author of " Failure to Communicate: How Conversations Go Wrong and What You Can Do to Right Them ".
Think about discussing things like when someone’s feelings have been hurt or different opinions about how two partners are spending their money. “The price tag of not having that conversation is high,” Weeks says.
And even when it’s not a disagreement that requires you solving it, there may still be costs to not having those conversations.
“Information is power,” says Susan Heitler , a Denver-based clinical psychologist and author of " The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong & Loving Marriage ".
Talking with a friend with whom you disagree about things like whether religion should be taught in schools or about whether a one-payer health care system is most judicious can lead to better understanding of the issue for both of you, she says. You may even happen upon some common ground on which you agree, she adds.
It strengthens your perspective to know more clearly why your views stand up to contradictory ones, she adds. (And if you’re someone who works in a field like politics, she says: “One of the basic rules is to know your enemy.”)
And it can deepen your personal relationships to have those conversations and come to a better understanding of the people you spend your time with.
“Often times topics like politics and religion get to the core of someone’s identity,” adds Matteo Trevisan , an executive coach and leadership trainer at Fearless Future Coaching. “One could argue that if we don’t talk about these things, then we don’t really know each other.”
Here's how to disagree with grace
Whether you’re disagreeing with your partner about when you want to have your first child or disagreeing with a friend of a friend you’ve just met at a dinner party about income tax , the skills required to make both of those conversations worthwhile ones are pretty much the same, Weeks says.
“It’s not that the skills are different,” she says. “But the emotional load that the conversations carry is different, and is what makes them feel so different.” (And therefore the costs of those conversations going poorly feels very different, too, she says.)
Here’s how she and others suggest doing it better.
1. Decide if you want to go there
Step one is deciding whether that conversation is even worth having, Weeks says. If it’s an argument with your spouse over whether one of you is going to accept a job offer that will require the family to move, you will need to have that talk. But if it’s a matter of asking a friend why she believes abortion should be banned (and you very much disagree), it’s worth asking yourself first why you want to have that conversation. Do you want to learn why your friend feels the way she does? Do you want to change her mind?
“I don’t have to have a conversation with someone I disagree with to know something about their perspective,” Weeks says. You can read about it or find out about it from someone else. If you’re trying to change that person’s mind, however, the goal of that conversation is not then learning and understanding, Weeks says. “That’s not really a conversation; that’s a lecture.”
Think, too, about how the conversation will be received. Some people love getting into complex discussions, Weeks says. But for some people, some topics just feel like you’re pushing their buttons — which doesn’t necessarily make for pleasant dinner party conversation or coffee klatch. It’s okay to not go there, or when someone else brings up the topic to tell them you don’t want to go there.
2. Ask if you can ask about it
Still not sure if a topic you want to broach is too sensitive of one? “Just ask,” says Georgie Nightingall , a conversation coach and founder of Trigger Conversations , a London-based organization dedicated to teaching people how to have better and more meaningful conversations. “You and your conversation partner can make that decision together.” Simply stating that you know a topic is a challenging one and asking if they prefer avoiding it shows up front that you’re making potentially volatile territory safe and that you care about their perspective.
Note if the other person hesitates or answers in a guarded way, Nightingall says. That may be a reason to move on.
And perk up your ears to emotional intensity, Heitler adds. The tone of someone’s voice and absolutes like “absolutely hate” or “idiot” or “moronic” can usually tip one off that the person you are talking with doesn’t likely want to hear an alternative perspective.
3. Keep it neutral
Keeping the conversation neutral starts from the beginning. If you’re asking questions about the other person’s perspective, ask in a way that shows you know the context of a situation, but that doesn’t come off as boastful, Weeks says. And don’t ask so tentatively, either, that you invite condescension, she adds. You want to start from neutral territory where no one’s poking a stick in the other person’s emotions (or inviting the other person to do so).
Try “I know conservatives have strong opinions about X issue, but I’m not as familiar with why they feel this way about Y issue” rather than “I feel silly that I don’t know why conservatives feel this way about Y issue.” (Hint: Your question shouldn’t include an apology, Weeks says.)
4. Start off the conversation with understanding
According to Weeks, the approach is: “Grant your counterpart her premise, and then argue from there.” Instead of telling your counterpart their way of thinking is wrong, you legitimately acknowledge their point of view (yes, I understand that you want to spend more money now and invest in a higher-quality couch we’ll have for a while) and then explain why you disagree (but if we do that, we’ll have to use some of the money we’ve set aside for travel this year).
It helps put edges around the problem — and focus on which problem you need to solve, Weeks says. “We’re not arguing before we start to argue,” she adds — and it can help keep things like “you just always want to spend more than what we can afford” and “we shouldn’t have moved into such an expensive apartment to begin with” out of the conversation.
5. Look for where you agree
The goal of productive conversations is to build understanding and learning (for all parties), not tear one another apart, Trevisan says. That means no winners and no losers. “The constructive approach is to be curious and seek to understand,” he says. You do this by finding areas of agreement rather than disagreement.
“Winning a conversation is like winning a foxtrot against your dance partner,” Weeks adds. “It’s not the point.”
Heitler calls it “listening with the good ear.” Listen for what makes sense about what the person just said rather than listening for how you can show what’s wrong with it, she explains.
6. Talk less. Give the other person space to respond
Remember that it’s dialogue. Dialogue means you are both responding to one another, point after point — which is different from diatribe (where one side of the conversation drones out all others) and from debate (an attempt to prove one side right and one side wrong).
Follow this basic formula, Heitler explains: Agree (with some part of what the other person said, which acknowledges their point of views) and then add something in response.
And take a breath after you say something rather than ploughing through point after point, Trevisan adds. You want to give your conversation partner space to respond and let emotions settle, he says. “It helps the other person feel like they are being heard.”
7. Avoid using the word ‘but’
The word “but” is a subtraction sign in conversation, Heitler says. It erases what was just said. Instead of using it, respond with “and at the same time” or ask a question starting with “how” or “what,” she says.
“If you hear yourself saying ‘yes, but’ — it’s a pretty good indication you are trying to score a point,” Trevisan says — rather than keep the dialogue constructive.
8. Tell stories
Specifics, rather than generalities, keep the conversation about different perspectives, not broader opposing opinions, Weeks says.
You’re having a conversation with a coworker about why you think a new employee should be freed up to help your team instead of theirs. Rather than saying things like “we never get the resources we need” and “your team has way fewer responsibilities to begin with,” give an example. “When we had to put together that presentation last month on a tight timeline, we could have used an extra person to do a certain portion of the research, which would have saved us a day” — for instance. You’re making the argument about the project, your team’s productivity, and the office’s overall goals, rather than the argument about you specifically or your colleague.
It’s not difficult to do, Weeks says. But it does require you to think about what you say and how you phrase it before letting the words tumble out of your mouth, she says.
9. Resist the current vogue to be provocative
The best argument isn’t necessarily the one you can hashtag and will go viral on the internet. Those are punches. And communicating that way is very expensive in terms of the emotional toll they take on us, Weeks says. (Do a few choice moments from the 2016 U.S. Presidential campaign come to mind?)
“Resist the vogue for being provocative,” Weeks says. And take the opportunity when you can to neutralize the emotional load of the conversation and disarm the moment, she adds. It often comes down to word choice and the tone of your voice.
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I thought this was a good read for a site like this. Do any of you see merit in this?
...huh...
Whatever could have inspired this seed...
i've never 'talked' to any on this site unseen are words N E might mis perceive as not mean, on average seems we are all B low in a dusty dirty discarded discourse of chlorophyll gathering apparatus gathering n 2 a pyle driven by wind unwound
in this torrid autumn
It's almost like , hold on, i'll now reed sead n C what it say, n ccc's f i disagreeze
It has great merit. It it the way we used to be. The fact that somebody found the need to write it tells you far our civilization has declined. That being said, my interest in NT is more about those who may be reading the discussions than those who participate.
I agree with your assessment Vic. Apparently, it is a universal problem.
That is very true. Every day we get over 1,500 non-members who read our discussions, so making a good argument is very important. Those are our undecided, trying to decide.
Who are these 1500 eavesdropping and reading my incoherent babble ?
i wish to meet these anonymous voyeur perverts that have been, unbeknownst to moi', secretly hating on me, as my ESP n felt like ESPN2, as my spidey sense tingled due to anachrophobia that i have a knack at phobiaing while stalking talking spiders on the web that get tangled in non conditioned pears of skinless hairy legs that for over a Brazilian auto wax applications, still wind up tangled in their webs of deceipt, without a receipt,
so as they could return to sender, till they blow the whistle blower
over and right off the site unseen due to anonymity obscene buy those not buying , what i'm not trying, to single cell via double speak from two sided arguments talking out both sides of their full mouths throwing up
hands
tied to one leg upping the other six pairs untied to shooing a weigh conversations that become poisoned whence laced with velcro that sticks to those roofied by peanut butter stuck to the based and meant to indenture, to be allergic, to nuts that make more sense than nonsense , and believed not deserved of censure , as that ship won't float, ore row a boat of non ferrous irony as it sinks into dark depths of befuddling puddles muddled by numerous cumulus clouds accumulating to amounts sum block by eclipsing suns shoan
how dark enlightenment can be
brighter than the clouded depths of those that view coarse grainy views of sand obstructing muddy waters floating to the top of
De Nile
like a scoop of Vanilla, rooted in a cold beer battered baking soda box car vessel that sinks and submarines
arguments that agree that torpedos are underwater missiles ,
yet, quite quieter ..... can you hear what i say here anonymously
and think i don't know... me neither
You don't know they were all hating on you. They could be reading with rapt admiration, but unable to give you an up vote, because they don't have accounts. You might even tempt them to form accounts, just so they can express their admiration for your way with words.
"You don't know they were all hating on you."
Are you attempting to dash all my hopes and dreams, cause that's just, like me, not right.
Sorry, iggy, didn't mean to offend
Good point!
Another possibility: perhaps most people can't understand what he is trying to communicate, due to his communication style.
Not that there's anything wrong with that-- but my guess is a lot more readers would understand what he is trying to say if he tried to communicate in a way that more conducive to communicating effectively in this particular media? (i.e. The Internet).
A style of communication that works effectively offline is often is ineffective online.
(P.S: I'm not saying he should try to communicate effectively-- perhaps he doesn't want to. I'm just presenting another possibility, Because that is a decision for him and him alone to make....)
I see iggy as Newstalker's very own e e cummings. One might have to work to decipher his meaning, but the work is its own reward.
I don't have as much trouble deciphering Iggy's comments as I do some other's double speak. His comments are pretty well easy to read.
perhaps i'll have my communication style trimmed to my thought stylists' interpretation of what reflects that which i'm obviously not conveying , but (note that word) i do recognize constructive criticism and appreciate well intensioned advise, but i've not really ever thought my misinterpretation of word configuration, was for all to consume or appreciate, but i'm not knocking your apparent well intentioned suggestion, i'm only hear to exercise thought
I agree re: some of the other doublespeak here.
However sometimes I find his comments easy to understand, but some times they are uncklear...to me.
(But that's just my experience..sometimes I am a bit slow on the uptake
.
Most people probably wouldn't-- but I would. The use of langauge (styles of communication) have always fascinated me, And-- I could say a lot about the ways of using (and misusing) "but"). But that's getting a bit off topic
BTW, just curious-- are you by any chance an ENTP?
That's from a system of personality typologies-- if you're interested in pop psych there's an excellent series of the subject posted here on NT. Here's the first in the series:
What Personality Type Are You? The MBTI ("Myers Briggs Type Indicator")
There are various differing theories of personality-- and personality types. One that I find both interesting and useful is The Myers Briggs Type Indicator. A short answer test is used to determine which of 16 types a person is. I was skeptical at first but after I learned more about it I was surprised to find that I did get some very useful insights into my personality.
There are several good sites on the subject, where you can take the test and then read the description of your type. (Read it All)
You are obviously an _ _T_ type (as am I).
Perrie, of course there is merit in this. Most of us know how to share civil dialogue. What I find most troublesome are the straight out of the gate attacks. You know...'Yawn', or 'Stupid topic', or 'Still beating this dead horse?' Guilty parties do it with unending gusto. My guilt comes from my inability to avoid jumping in the middle of a gang-troll. 'Please stop' usually earns a double-down, so I've been skipping the middle part and diving straight into my own double-down abyss. That hasn't worked, either. However, I made you a promise this morning, and I plan on sticking to it.
i'd wear that with a badge of honor, but i'm a dick that way, and a thousand other ways
Personally, the comments that are of "no value" are just meant to trigger people. Sometimes I think that discussions become way to personal and that is why that happens. I wish people would put that aside and get to the meat and potatoes of the issue. It would be better for all of us and the site.
No one should ever be called a Dick. Flag it.
Play nice, Iggy.
Maybe the reason many of them make those no value comments is that they have nothing else to say on the topic-- because they are poorly uninformed-- don't really know anything about it. So they just type a covertly hostileremark such as "Yawn"...
Suz ! I memba you.
Hey Suz,
I've never said those words, although I must admit, I have thought them on more than a few occasions.
There is one particular person who does that a lot.
sounds like a real male reproductive organ
What is a male reproductive organ?
something Trumps Monkey would grind , on grounds of coffee bean the least important reason to keep him up at night
Hi Suz.
Did you just log on?
Not in political life as exemplified by this forum. I don't come here to be agreeable to debate and discuss with people whose views I disagree with.
In real and personal life they all have merit.
So what do you come here for?
So you think that being nasty is the way to have a discussion? What merit does that have?
So where do you go to be agreeable to debate with people whose views you disagree with?
Lots of merit.
But how long has NT been around-- I'm surprised you never tried posting something like this before
Well, this is the first time I have seen it for the internet. But you're right I should have found something sooner.
Actually, its possible you did, but it was a while back so we've forgotten about it (?)
I'll read it and see if I agree. smile
You're a good egg!
Well, that's a lot more sensible approach than many people here have!
Many people decide whether they agree about something posted before they actually read it.
(And then there are those who decide to disagree without ever having read it at all).
I'll read it and see if I agree. smile
Well, that's a lot more sensible approach than many people here have!
Many people decide whether they agree about something posted before they actually read it.
(And then there are those who decide to disagree without ever having read it at all).
Well, that's the Internet for you-- more fun than a barrel of Monkees!
I rarely have conversations here because either nobody understands me or I don't understand them. It does save me from experiencing a lot of disagreements. Of course when it comes to NT, it could be a different story.
i never have a misunderstanding, that i don't not misunderstand, and i'll not stand by it,
as how could i, if i'm already stood
under ?
What about the merits of this article?
Well, I try NOT to get into arguments with others and the author does provide lots of ways to avoid them, BUT (oh oh, there I go) I can't imagine anyone being so perfect. However, I do tell stories.
Buzz-- just came acros s this , its a little off topic, but I'm posting it here as it brings back memories:
For many years I was a member and contributor to Newsvine, enjoyed posting photos, and opened and administered a group (this was pre-nation) called Classic Cinema. Made many internet friends on Newsvine, and because as an expat I live on the other side of the world from most users, it became for me a window to the rest of the world. Freewill has asked a question: “Any suggestions that might rival what we had on NV?” Sure. Just do what I did years ago and many are doing now, join Newstalkers.
Going through the comments on that memorial of NV did bring back memories for me too. It reminded me that when I first joined NV (must have been at least 10 years ago if not longer), you were my first friend, and you were my mentor on the site. I admit that when I wandered away from your advice I paid the price for it.
When I got to Dowser's comment there, thanking the site for all the friends she made there, it saddened me because I knew she made a lot of friends here who miss her.
Oh, I hope I haven't misled people. When I said I rarely have conversations here, I meant in China - I didn't mean on NT.
That actually makes me feel badly Buzz. I would like to know why you think that is (without specifics
It's because I rarely get together with people here in China with whom I can carry on a conversation. When I was teaching in a school, there were other foreigners who were English speakers, but I have not taught in a school now for some years. My wife is extremely limited in her use of the language, so if there is anything important to communicate about, we use the computer translation.
I look forward to my wife's daughter graduating with her Bachelor of Science next Spring so she can return home from Germany, because she is tri-lingual.
A horse of another colour, as it were?
"It often comes down to word choice and the tone of your voice."
I never choose my own words, they are just transcribed into text displayed on screens, after my feeble mind blurts out perceived interpretational reactionary thoughts, i think ?
besides,
no one has ever heard the tone of my own voice, but, i think it's like a broad spectrum defense of orange,
a copper, tone either Albino White, Tan, Red, or Flakey off White while Right Black at you too
enlighten a load of heavy burdensome, while, some not.
LOL!
Iggy, you speak a language all of your own.
yea but to me
it's Universal
How's that been working out for you so far?
If you find it works for you...I'm thinking maybe I'll try it! (Like most people on this site, I'm always open to learning new things...)
Well, FWIW, here's some feedback: my perception of you may be wrong, but I don't think your mind is as feeble as you think!
I don't know how others here see you, butto me you appear to be quite intelligent (and for some reason that I haven't figured out yet you have chosen to speak in a manner that is not easily understoo=d by some folks).
But feeble-minded? Nope!
Well, whatever your tone of voice is...you certainly do use some colourful language!
It has merit. But on an internet forum, where there is little emotional price to going personal and where brevity is prized over depth, I feel many will disregard the advice.
One can always hope. There is some very good advice in it.
Kind of the new "How to make friends and influence people".
I guess I'm just a pessimist at heart.
I do take heed of item #1 fairly frequently, although maybe not as frequently as I should. But I often avoid discussions where it's clear that each side is entrenched, with no intention of listening to the other. Those discussions are exercises in futility, and on occasion can ruin friendships, family relationships, etc. There's nothing to be gained, much to be lost, and so they're better left alone.
HI Perrie, IMO, we lost this civil discourse norm when there became no choice but to confront shameless bullies and the bullypulpit mentality across this nation that only really exacerbated with the invent of SM.That's not to say ugly and ignorant haven't always been prevalent.
Only way to take them down is with logic, facts and shame, by boppin' them directly in the nose metaphorically and rhetorically without having to physically-- when necessary. This is an out and out fight for our democracy. Its not funny but all too real. I am mad as hell, aren't you?! This coup of our elections by an insider traitorous theft will not stand, period.
I think Natalie Main wrote it best.
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell, and I don't have time
To go 'round and 'round and 'round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should
Why can't you just get over it?
It turned my whole world around
And I kinda like it
With no regrets, and I don't mind saying
It's a sad, sad story
When a mother will teach her daughter
That she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how …
[delete.]
[deleted]
So i guess your taking the Enoch route also....
F we were on a different seed, i might even be tempted to elaborate.
Look, they've let the moron drive the toy car long enough. He's proven he can't operate under rules of Law. He's putting himself ahead of US, and has sold out to the highest bidders.
Too inept to win on his own.
To again desecrate what has been sacrificed by so many, all, for his own gain/violation,
is just not going to continue to flush, no matter how many times he plunges, it always seems to go deeper than the last, as he produces so much shit, he turned orange, and
i doubt, he ever truly was Red White and Blue
[delete]
[delete]
[deleted]
FW, iggie, and robin, please cease this line of discussion. If it continues, I'll be forced to lock this discussion until Perrie's return. It's a nice article, and I'd rather not.
i'm out
did not wish to disrupt a positive productive seed, but,
i believe this could be a teaching moment,
as i did not initiate negative discussion tactics, but i just won't tolerate what i perceive as threatening rhetoric targeting ones that stay above that level.
I'll dance on any level, so lesson one, be respectful, and bow out when you know you are just doing what this seed wasaskng not be done as there are other ways to resolve differences, but to me, they're just not as much fun
I had heard about that book for years. It was a YUGE bestseller over many years. Finally I broke down and read it.
Based on your comments, I would say that description is inaccurate-- you're actually much more of a realist!
Well-- your strategy seems to be working-- it seems that 90% of what I read online is people angrily attacking each other...and rhetoric keeps getting nastier and nastier. Personal insults and attacks are common-- and dominating the interactions more and more!
Congratulations-- your efforts are suceeding!
Heated Discussions?
Ever wonder why so many "mentally-challenged" people are attracted to Social Media sites? (Sure, I've know some in "real life"-- but I've always wondered-- what is it about Social media that attracts so mentally of those sorts of people?
So many who are mentally challenged-- but they're also really nasty.
WHY?
Yes, I will. I left my honest opinion and why. Of course you see what followed to which I will point out the obvious of why playing nice is a pipe dream anymore. I'm not out to ruin Perrie's call to civility. There hasn't been a day in the life here where that ugly isn't posted daily ad nauseam, with very little discernment by mods, including their calls to civil war and use of violence. I didn't bait FW personally, he took it upon his own to show what he's incapable of. Hence, why I'm at with my position. Sounds nice to have modicum of mutual respect when we disagree, but let's get real as this is what were up against. Remember the good old days at NV, till the trolls showed up... ? It's hardly been respectful since.
Look at some of the comments towards Loretta, since she dropped in. She's always tried a decent dialogue. She's just one of many who have tried.
I think you may have inadvertently left two many windows open. (Don't feel bad, I've done it myself from time to time).
But what we are discussing here is not Trump-- nor is it Hillary.
Rather what we are discussing here is NT-- specifically this:
9 Tips For Talking To People You Disagree With
No-- its a river in Africa.
I got fired from a zookeeper job which I didn’t really think was fair
Well, frankly I'm surprised at you-- you should've known better than to take a job as a zookeeper in the first place!
It's called reciprocity and it's far from new here-- or by me. This nastiness is why I never stay here long. Every time I've taken a moment for just a flyover during my busy season where I mostly never say a thing, I find the the same old slap crap. Some are notoriously worse than others and seemingly seldom censored. Especially the rightwingers. Why is that?
I just call a spade a spade and I will never apologize for being a realist.
That may be, but I have been dealing with those dynamics for a very long time, and I have only lost it maybe a handful of times. For me, I think it has to do with being a teacher for 20+ years, and you have to learn how to manage even people who are difficult to deal with. I think many of the tips they give in the article, I learned to do in my administration courses, (I had contemplated becoming a principle).
That is correct. If you want to go for an all out brawl, take it to HD and keep it off the front page. That is for civil discussions.
Robin,
Why is it a pipe dream? Have you ever seen me uncivil to anyone here?
Yes, there are individuals who come here to add nothing to the discussion, but there are plenty who do.
As for moderation, there is no win. When we moderate more, people say we are being heavy handed. When we moderate less, then members say that the articles are going to hell. I am not sure if there is a perfect amount of moderation... Please, can someone explain this to me?
Robin,
I would hate for you to have a fly over but I am not sure there is any place on the internet that is perfect unless everyone is agreeing with each other.. and if that is going on, then why bother?
The point of a discussion site is to be challenged. That means sometimes even if everyone is civil, you might not like what they have to say. Am I wrong?
I think the point trying to be made is sometimes the white noise is too loud.
Imo people just need to learn to ignore things they don't like. Sometimes it is hard though.
Exactly. That made me very happy, Ender!
Sandy, your comment is insightful to me. Anyone can walk away from an internet site. It's not as easy to walk away or take back offensive comments or actions made to relatives or friends who we take for granted will be with us for life. They can just as easily be gone from our lives by our inability to realize there are some things more important than having our point of view accepted by them. People here have become, over the years, like family and friends. We feel their pain when they suffer and rejoice with them when they have reason to rejoice.
i also suspected,
i might of heard a whistle
As that trane of thought stops
when it is a Freight Trane of Aired and conditioned thought
The Enoch Route?
Or-- perhaps this Enoch route?
So many who are mentally challenged-- but they're also really nasty.
See #7 in the posted article, above.
(My use of "but" was deliberate)
I dunno.
But if I had to guess, I'd venture to say that you probably think that because you are a "leftwinger"?
Problem I see is a lot of people don't even want a conversation. A lot of seeds are not even meant for conversation.
I generally know who I can converse with and who I cannot. Some I just ignore completely and some seeds I just avoid.
I think most people wouldn't say half the things they say if it was in person. Anonymity frees the beast...so to speak.
What I see is a lot of tribalism.
Agreed. Some articles are meant to be conversational echo chambers, and some are meant to be bait.
i'll take that bait, digest it, and produce my own echo chamber spewed out by some A whole lot of gastric expulsion ignited by my heavier than most lighter pants on fire with faux desire to never under,
where
dowst due expire from transgressions held no higher on scorched earth ,
heavens to mergatroid, on fires from hell and back
in front of the panel
out of control , cause,
i don't even remotely N joy control
Nice seed.
Kudos to you, Perrie, for trying to promote some level of civil discourse. And, thank you for providing this platform.
Curiosity about all existence (everything and everyone in it) and endless questions about the experiences that shape other people's perspectives is what brought me to the internet forums. I live to learn - not to fight with anyone.
I try to avoid interacting with the people who appear to be vying for the Most Disagreeable, Unreasonable, Biased Person in the World award. I do read their comments often because I believe they may have valid concerns that should not be ignored.
With the changing of the season, and an end to extremely hot and humid weather in much of the nation, I am hoping that as temperatures fall, so do people's tempers.
I am the same, mocowgirl. I have a passion for learning, and not just from books. A good deal can be learned about life from the different experiences of others, their opinions, traditions, customs, and ways of looking at the world and all phases of life.
I do not come here to fight with anyone, but, I also do not come here to be denigrated, demeaned and humiliated by misogynists who think that are far superior to any woman and does their best to try and put them "in their place".
I can give as good as I get, but, that is not the kind of person I am, and I don't like myself when I go to that level. But, when attacked I will stand my ground. I have just as much right to state my own opinions and/or thoughts on any topic as anyone else here, and I respect the right to others to do the same. While I may not always agree with them, I prefer to find out why they think the way they do, as this is also a way to learn. No one is right 100% of the time, so learning from others can open the doors to areas we may not have considered before.
Life is an endless learning process, that is how we grow and progress. When we stop being willing to learn we are harming no one but ourselves, and the consequences of our lack of knowledge are our own to bear.
There is a lot of knowledge that can be shared by those here on NT, as the spectrum of Members here is very wide. Thus, the sharing their collective knowledge would be very beneficial if only we would all keep an open mind and be willing to learn from each other.
JMOO
What? Say it ain't so....That burst my bubble...
Haha
Mine too when I first heard that. But, I am willing to agree to just being right 99% of the time now.
99.999999
Love the dancing banana hahaha
That's about right.
I have always found you to be a wise and balanced woman in your approach to life. It has been a pleasure to have made your acquaintance.
I understand completely. I live in that world in real time off the internet.
I can nearly eviscerate a person with words. I don't go to that level because I find my life is happier (and safer) when I avoid people who are devoid of positive human emotions.
In order to better understand why some people are born to cooperate and some people aren't, I have bought some books by Robert Sapolsky about his studies on the evolution of human behavior. If I manage to reacquire my passion for reading, I plan to spend this winter hibernating with old and new books.
Believe me Raven, I can relate to that.
Same here mocawgirl. I have always learned a good deal from your very informative and insightful comments. You have a very effervescent persona and can easily communicate your thoughts and opinions with ease.
I often find that many people like that make a lot of their own unhappiness in the way they relate to others. I prefer not to engage them and simply ignore them.
I think there are many who can also relate to that, but, they too realize the need for them to take the high road as well. There is nothing of value to be gained by engaging in a battle of words that will lower their own credibility and self-respect.
There is nothing of value to be gained by engaging in a battle of words that will lower their own credibility and self-respect.
Hey Raven, i must respectfully disagree , id rather choose to not shun and disregard divisive attacks on my expressed opinion, or others simply non defiantly attempting to American Express their rightfully deserved opinion , as that is the purpose of this site.
i do not wish to lower my credibility and or self respect, and not calling out others, would be my equavilent.
Or maybe a new planet will be discovered..or there will be an earthquake in some remote part of Africa-- and that will change the level of discussion here.
It can't hurt to have a positive attitude!
It is essential to mental and physical well-being to have a positive attitude.
All of us are the product of people who survived the environments of the time periods that they were born in. Those environments were mostly considerably harsher that the ones most of us were born into in the last 60 years.
Our species has the ability to do great things together. I tend to believe that the youth will do great things together even though it might not be the way it was done in the "good old days".
Thanks Mocogirl!
Exactly!
Ditto.
I hope so, but I fear as we get closer to the election, we might get a bit more "passionate" shall we say.
After the "passionate" 2016 election, the world did not end.
I am extremely doubtful that the 2020 election will bring about the destruction of mankind.
If it does, I will deal with it when it happens.
In the meantime, I intend to squeeze every last drop of peace, contentment and joy that I can by living in the present and appreciating it.
First I think it is important to understand if what unfolds is a real discussion or not.
Just like in real life, some folks are quarrelsome and will do any thing to quarrel and often rely on beavis and butt head type logic to continue their quarels. Then there are those with an agenda. Pretty much the same sitiuation.
There is no good way out of those situations and the internet seems to have an over representation of such ones.
If, on the other hand are real and honest discussion evolves, then yes, such suggestions could be very helpful to take a topic from point A to point B, with or without coming to agreements. In some cases the common ground is a better understanding of each others perspective, even in the case of disagreement.
JMO.
Being able to find common ground in a discussion, even when disagreeing, adds value to the conversation. Being respectful of the other party, even though you may disagree with their way of thinking, can help both participants reach a better understanding of the others' thinking and/or opinions. It is not necessary to become defensive just because the other person does not agree with you. Becoming defensive only sets the negative tone of the discussion that is unnecessary and makes it difficult to have a mutually civil debate or discussion.
JMOO