Emma Watson says she's 'self-partnered'. Here's what that means — and why it's not a bad idea
Category: News & Politics
Via: perrie-halpern • 5 years ago • 122 commentsBy: Danielle Page
Maybe it's me and I am far too serious, but when I hear terms like "self-partnered" or "conscious uncoupling", it sounds to me like these people are trying to make the mundane into something more worthy of their high and mighty selves. Am I wrong? And what is worse, is it's now being sold to us by some pop psychology. Maybe everyone should just grow up and not have to put a tag on the mundane.
What do you think?
Approaching a milestone birthday inevitably forces us to evaluate what we've achieved and where we feel we've fallen short — both personally and professionally. In a recent interview with British Vogue , actress Emma Watson said one thing she's made peace with as she nears her 30th birthday is her current relationship status. "It took me a long time, but I'm very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered," she said.
What does that mean, exactly? Carla Marie Manly , a clinical psychologist based in California sees merit the idea. Manly describes the relationship status this way: "self-partnering focuses on the ideal of being happy and complete as a solo individual. A self-partnered person would feel whole and fulfilled within the self and does not feel compelled to seek fulfillment through having another person as a partner." That doesn't necessarily mean a self-partnered person doesn't date or never hopes to get married someday. It's that they're taking the time to know themselves first. "To be truly self-partnered, one must often invest a great deal of time and energy on personal development," says Manly.
Why re-framing relationship status is trending now
Watson isn't the first celebrity to shift what's normally viewed as a negative relationship status into a positive. In 2014, Gwyneth Paltrow used the term "conscious uncoupling" to describe her divorce from Coldplay singer Chris Martin. Why has reclaiming these terms become a trend now? "There’s a big shift in renaming the terms of relationships because there’s also a huge shift towards individuality in younger generations who are no longer wanting to be defined by the standards of traditional generations," explains Travis McNulty , a therapist practicing in Florida.
"People form opinions based off of labels traditionally used to define a person’s relationship status, but when Emma Watson and Gwyneth Paltrow come out and use phrases like 'self-partnered' and 'conscious uncoupling', it challenges the psychological implications and narratives behind the phrases being 'single' and ' getting a divorce '," McNulty continues. "These terms remove the stigma associated with someone who may identify as either of these and ultimately lets people know, 'I’m OK.'"
How to truly be 'self-partnered'
Greater focus on personal goals, more emotional energy for friends and family and being free of the social burden of "needing" to find a partner are just a few benefits Manly says come with being self-partnered. However, you'll only reap these if you do the work to get there. And that goes for folks in relationships, too. "The work involved in being self-partnered is helpful for every individual — whether they are in a relationship or not," says Manly. And as long as your partner is supportive in your pursuit, Manly says some of the best self-work can be done within a conscious, loving relationship.
- Strive to love your own company. "Although it’s normal and healthy to want to be with others, it’s important to also nurture feeling at ease without others — and loving your time alone ," says Manly. "Whether it’s eating out solo, going to a movie alone, reading books or volunteering on your own, your self-esteem grows when you consciously learn to love your own company."
- Start journaling. "You can learn so much about yourself — your strengths and weaknesses — by devoting quiet time each morning or evening to write a few, unfiltered paragraphs in a private journal," says Manly. "Different from motivational or to-do lists , this journaling is all about learning more about who you are without judgment."
- Evaluate the types of people you're drawn to. "If you find that your relationships have had a certain unhealthy theme (e.g., codependency, emotional abuse, etc.), take the time to engage in psychotherapy or bibliotherapy to determine why you are drawn into such patterns," says Manly. "By using the dynamics of former, failed relationships to learn more about yourself — your own part in unhealthy patterns — you will learn a great deal about yourself." For those who are in relationships, Manly says to explore the role vulnerability and interdependency play in your partnership. "These factors are often left somewhat unaddressed in self-partner work given that it does take two people — two partners — to experience the deep fears and resulting growth that can occur as vulnerability and interdependency are explored." If these conversations feel too difficult to navigate, Manly says working with a relationship therapist can help.
- Join a confidential group. "Particularly if you can’t afford personal psychotherapy , confidential groups can be an amazing source of support and an excellent forum for self-work," says Manly. In the group Manly runs, many women have noted that this kind of support has helped them achieve self-improvement by sharing with others in a safe space. "Such groups allow participants to learn from others and become more confident, self-aware and empowered. All of these elements are key to feeling (and being) self-partnered."
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Thanks for posting text as an alternative to video. I agree with your opinion.
Emma Watson is known to be somewhat of an odd-ball, a person who follows the road less travelled. One can change the language describing obvious situations probably for the purpose of disguising the reality of them, either to comfort themselves and/or to impress others. Manly uses the gobeldegook of her profession to confound others and make a living by doing so. Maybe Watson is happy in loneliness, but that changes when one gets more mature, because companionship is rewarding, eventually desired, and IMO leading down the more travelled road to necessity.
At 30 years old, declaring yourself anything is just a youthful endeavor. What bothers me more, is that it is given such credence. Maybe your right that this over the top language is used to hide her feelings, but why do we have to embrace this silliness?
I agree with you that companionship is rewarding. Sad that a 30 year old can't see that.
Buzz... Not everyone else's problem that you live in a country that doesn't allow videos. ALso, I see a LOT of video's coming out of China on Youtube..... How is that possible?
If you do not like the laws in China, perhaps you should move and stop blasting others for posting things you cannot watch because you live in an oppressive country. I agree with you 99% of the time, but it really isn't our problem you can't watch videos we post.
I do not "blast" people if I cannot see their video - I tell them I cannot comment on it, and if it is on a seed/article I post that I am required to moderate, I do ask that it be described or I will ask a moderator to do so. If it makes you happy, I simply won't comment on others' articles that have a video I cannot open and I will no longer ask them for the courtesy of describing it.
I am not the LEAST BIT oppressed here, nor is anyone in my wife's family, nor is anyone I have ever known here and I have known many and taught hundreds. Maybe if people are oppressed here they deserve it. I don't tell you what you SHOULD do, so don't tell me what I SHOULD do. You can add that to the 1% you don't agree with me on.
Rewording "I'm alone" is the most stupid thing I've heard today !
An hour from now, there will be another "Stupid Thing" too.
LOL, I think you are right.
Why do folks these days, go out of their way to say things like this.
It's like "Pansexual". WTF ?
Does that mean their name is "Peter", and they like little kids ?
they are not re-framing anything except their stupidity.
entertainers are not influential.
no one listens to the court jesters, we just laugh at them.
says a defender of the Presidential Joke, that is not funny.
I think he can be funny !
just look at his "Joke" on Democrats !
Tweet, Tweet, Tweet.....and Democrats fall for it every time.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-Democrat.
Guys,
No politics, please.
Awww, I had the perfect rebuttal joke too.
I wasn't talking Politics, i was referring to the Presidential Physical Fitness Award for those unfit to laugh at jokes i punch
a clock cause i rish i had an O' for ever X i spelled before Y i asked it to be spelled after a W, spelled UU more us, with a non presidential joke for ones i witness to suit my ice cubed gin. A tonic elixir to a magical fixer i broke out in
a sweater while taking a prison break,
as i can't take coffee
for what keeps one up during Knights jousting with those horsing around stripper polls taken to spin a fan of the ceiling fan into the ground wire i have no beef with you
or Wendy when ordered, a Frosty,
as i'm off to grab me one, and when you're infamous like me, they just let me pay for all the beer i get for free,
unless,
you're not buying. It for me
got tagged when i'm out, you fine posters have a Special Day now and then
again.
i'm off to discuss such off topic subjects where i go every Sunday, and separate Church from state and politics.
for when reprimanded at the watering hole for discussing Religion, i pray to g od and we discuss how Poly, sweet and Purebread, ticks me off she mite, but i never let them bug me till i'm sprayed with, and now, i'm
OFF didn't mean to B a pest, as i'm beside myself...
a pesticide my self is where i like to be adjacent away
That might be you, but there is proof over and over that they very much influence people's beliefs .
they only "influence" people who were already inclined to be that stupid in the first place.
result: non-event, nothing is re-framed.
proof ya say? if celebrities had any influence at all hillary would be president right now.
cheers )
Of all the things you've said "bother" you, this should be atop your list.
It is.
It's no skin off my nose so more power to her but I'll stick with the term single, after all this time I'm kinda used to it.
Fair enough.
"To be truly self-partnered, one must often invest a great deal of time and energy on personal development," says Manly
.
but what does that say for us who feel threatened by partners they just new would get old real quick due to the usage of fully and particularly pieced and placed peas, placed on pods often non parallel & partially in conjunction with an elimination function swimming incongruent seas all dreamy and wet when Trumpps are primarily produced via professionally portrayed pleasers of Johns pleasures and peculiar pet peeves pre-leaking waste fluids in solid accordance to properties of physically addictive pseudo psychological attributions amateurly coerced to Go Pro while impressionable put in input is put to the test
a cull Ling fish herd threw out the net
gained into bonds of stockings stoked with fire burning thoroughly through thrown out on their own throne cushioning throw pillows thrown in the mix to conjure and piss
off, pissed upon buy bought a bout priss's brought process's of self-partnered, prosthetically enhanced appendages providing pp , Russian to the denied climatic change, Trumpps' tranny can't move cause parked in the rear, yet, professionally by valets in mountainous regions off his/her community chest keeping all abreast of those chicken
super long brewed
foregone conclusions of collusions by low frequency sound when Dog Whistles blowing air through dogs knows, and their rabid rodent reluctance to accept cash for a while bouncing foamy surf off bored in an uncomfortable closest closet for coming out of the finest sign signalling , a course correction collaboration of a
Transmission Driving Trump right,
however wrong, " one might think "
then again, that was PRE Trumpp,
so now
one might not
.
But, don't you think...
no, really,
don't you ....?
Peeoples still defending Trumppy ?
Cause some of us, can't see many,
thinking
,
.
but, i don't want to think about the thought less
Ummm.. yes I think... except for the political comment. Please, no politics.
all apologies,
i sometimes lose focus on my meandering thoughtless than
i'm out n joy
ps, i appreciate you not erasing what i can never duplicate, so if i were ever to write a shipload of fertilizer, as how ridiculous would that be, please preserve, and through it in reserve where you book me for having reservations never made
Reminds me of an article I saw recently about a woman that married herself and then got caught cheating on herself.
Good one Dean! Thanks for sharing!
Is it bad that I don't know who Emma Watson is? Even the picture doesn't help.
i only recognized it to be an actress , but i could'nt wouldn't recognize her, or any film she's been in.
so i'd have to go with, yes, yes it is bad.
She played Hermione in the Harry Potter films.
Steve,
When was the last time you went to the movies?
When she was in the Potter movies, she had thick wavy long hair. When went short and stylish, many didn't recognize her at first as it was such a drastic change.
Yes. It's bad.
What is the point of this trend? After all, if you discuss your marital/relationship situation with a new acquaintance (business or social) and you reveal your partner is yourself, your new acquaintance might just start slowly backing away.
an d if you were happy,
they might think your'e gay,
in a Happy Way,
but a little stuck up, on and upon yourself, as if no one else was good enough, for one so stuck on you, i mean me, or oneself
righteous or wrongous right to write their own bill of rights about who is Mr. or Mrs. Right for they,
as for me, i choose to remain married to the fact i've been divorced from reality, for as long as i can't forget,
i can't remember, neither.
Well, you can be divorced from reality, but still, be married.
It might make your marriage more interesting.
that's the single thing i'm not "interesting" in.
It's weird to call it self partnered but I get the jist of what they are getting at. Single does have a negative stereotype as if there is nobody who wants you or can stand you. For some people it is the exact opposite. I'm currently single even though I don't have to be. It's just the buffet of options available to me are not palatable. Desirable girls expect way too much, non-desirable girls have baggage like children from another relationship or a boyfriend/husband they are not faithful too, or are just unattractive and desperate. As a male I have noted that desirable women place far too high of a value on themselves and expect to exercise complete control over their men. I see it all the time. They are with less desirable guys usually so they can boss them around like puppy dogs. I would prefer to be with a desirable woman who treats me with equal respect that I give her. Unfortunately society is shaping women with a mentality that men should do anything for them while they can do anything they want. Until I find a girl who hasn't been corrupted by liberal society, I will remain happily single.
Understood, but there really is no escaping the reality that a single person is single no matter what label. And making up a rather ridiculous label (self-partnered) does not change the reality nor disguise it. To me, it makes the person look silly.
There is also, as you note, nothing wrong with being single. It does not mean nobody wants you, it simply means that you are currently not in a relationship (for whatever reason).
It's based on the Millennial's need to stay in their closet of denial and learning how to react/work with the rest of society. Sadly, the Millennial's faults/failures at developing stronger self-esteem is really starting to scare me. These folks are going to be the leaders of tomorrow - a tomorrow I'm not sure I wanna look at.
I'm not sure about that 1st. I have twin Millennials and both have long term relationships, and one is getting married this June (fingers crossed). I think that some people who have the publics' ear are finding excuses for their lack of happiness and the press is legitimizing this.
To an extent, I concur.
But . . . . . our daughter is 21 and, when not in school or working, she's in her room texting, Netflixing, Amazoning or texting. The few friends of hers that we've met have absolutely no idea what they're gonna do when/if they graduate and they spend most of their time texting, Netflixing, Amazoning or texting.
I've "tried" to have conversations with them 'bout weather, golfing, working on the house, politics, religion, Native Americans, military and, more than likely, receive the "Deer in the headlights" look, or the ol' "deadpan" look and receive the very affirmative "Uhh - I don't know" - and these are kids in their mid to late 20's.
Leaders???? Nope - not even gonna attempt to rationalize that one.
I have to agree with you. I have found very few men want to hear about past experiences with other men. It can even be daunting and intimidating.
I think she might be judging men as women. Women like to know a man's past, but men and women have different emotional needs, (gee that's a shocker, LOL).
Generally speaking, I think Emma Watson is an intelligent, lovely young woman who has always exhibited poise beyond her years.
But I'd still say she's single. "Single" does not need to have a negative connotation.
Agreed. What value is there in recasting being single as a partner relationship with oneself? Do we have too much time on our hands?
depends on the digits,
and if your clock has the right to bare arms while wearing long sleeveless shirts
When single men get older they are called happy bachelors. When women do, we are called old maids. I like the simple title....single.
I have to agree with you, ladies. Single just does me fine.
And you know how, LOL?
I have to totally agree. Single can even be good, when trying to reevaluate one's life.
i think there is only a single meaning ,
but of course,
it is very ambiguous
I liken this to being "gender fluid".
It means nothing, really.
Well, we could go on about that topic for days...
true, as people can now "identify" as whatever they wish--no matter what they actually are!
I suppose it does no harm to allow people to live in their own little fantasy world if that is what it takes to get them through the day.
"Panbihomoheterosinglesexualindividual".
is that, dry humor ?
Honestly, the very term "self partnered" makes me think of inanimate objects ... the kind that make buzzing noises.
LOL.. now that is one idea!
Well you would come out satisfied and minty fresh.
How does one find a person to marry you to your inanimate object of choice?
I suppose they could just stand in front of a church and say "I do."...
How is your sight? I thought that could make you go blind. 😂
possibly a surgeon, to adjoin one and, "it's special friend" at the hip so to speak, but in a un hip manner to some
possibly, but not out dating one self, except you are, all of the time, so as the pleasure wood be "all mine", as inanimate objects are like an old hippie exclaiming "right on", in reference to something that would no longer turn you, right on, as you would always be off, or getting there, till the desire is diminished, cause i could no longer satisfy an inanimate object of my no desire, and donate it to a Nitrous Fueled Funny Car, oxidized, and then caught fire,
till it finished,
the one way race, that requires team work, and two me, that means too...
but who's counting...for Fish, possibly Count Chocula, or Al FrankenBerry saying Boo to Mayor Marion Berry washing, three sheets to the wind , blowing clothes right off the front line smoked like crack, out of his glass bowl,
that possibly stiffened that witch dwells above his upper lip,
Count Chocula's that is,
nose..?
He didn't see that question coming.
i know i often do, but i'm required to forge the pre nup signature i didn't write
Yeah my mom and dad told me that too. Sooooo, I stopped............but not before needing glasses.
I’m sorry to hear that. At least you quit in time to still have some sight left. 😉
Beats me, but Universal Life Church marries anyone and believes that "we are all children of the same universe". I guess that includes inanimate objects.
I have been single for a long time, and I don't really mind it. I would rather be in a relationship but I doubt I would remarry again. Maybe someone will make me change my mind but I doubt it. Kind of set in my ways now.
I would rather be single though than divorced 3 or 4 times like many do.
She just needs to own it till her next love comes along.
That may be why she's proclaiming it. Makes it sound like she needs no one and it makes it a challenge for the next "lover" to win her over and we all know the chase is the most exciting.......but then...............ya get the trophy. Take that any way you want.
HA! I don't believe she is in a good place or anyone else who needs to use a ridiculous term as "self-partnering" to say they are single.
She is just as messed up as the rest of us, but doesn't want to admit it.
After being married for 30 years, self-partnering doesn't sound like a bad idea. If anything happens to Mr Giggles, I think I will stay happily single for the rest of my days.
But...I think people really should give relationships a chance before deciding that they want to stay single.