Bloomberg Editorial Board Endorses Mike Bloomberg
Category: News & PoliticsVia: kdmichigan • 7 months ago • 20 comments
NEW YORK, NY—The Bloomberg News Editorial Board has endorsed Mike Bloomberg for president.
While other publications are endorsing multiple candidates or communists, Bloomberg Opinion says they've found the right man for the job: Mike Bloomberg.
"He's a really swell guy," wrote the editorial team. "We always have a good time when good ol' Mike is around. His ideas are great, dogs and children love him, and honestly, it's our completely unbiased opinion that he's just the man for the job. Vote Mike Bloomberg!"
The team listed some of his greatest accomplishments:
A record score of 18 on the golf course
Learning to drive before he was four years old
Graduating with several doctorate degrees by the time he turned 16
Advocating for minorities and civil rights
Bringing police officers and black people together
Eradicating soda drinking from the galaxy
Planting an entire 400-acre cornfield with his bare hands
Winning World War I
Winning World War II
Winning World War III (all but guaranteed to happen)
Taming a wild bull and teaching it to speak Farsi
"Oh yeah, and he's absolutely human and definitely not a robot."