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Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November | The New Yorker

  

Category:  News & Politics

Via:  jbb  •  4 years ago  •  51 comments

By:   Andy Borowitz (The New Yorker)

Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November | The New Yorker
The President said that eliminating November from the calendar was "long overdue," calling it "a rigged month."

What's next? January? 


S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



By Andy Borowitz

July 31, 2020 Photograph by Cooper Neill / Bloomberg / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump stirred controversy on Friday by signing an executive order that would ban the month of November.

While legal scholars protested that he did not have the right to reduce the number of months in a year from twelve to eleven, Trump argued that "the Constitution doesn't say anything about how many months you have to have."

"All of those smart guys like Jefferson and Madison, those beauties, this is something they didn't think of," he said. "I got them on the months."

Trump said that eliminating November from the calendar was "long overdue," calling it "a rigged month."

"November is a hoax," he said. "Some people say it may not even be a real month."

Responding to a reporter's question about the future of Thanksgiving, Trump said that "nobody will miss it."

"Just ask anyone in this country," he said. "Nobody has anything to be thankful for."


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JBB
Professor Principal
1  seeder  JBB    4 years ago

Who doesn't love Borowitz's straight take on things? 

 
 
 
Account Deleted
Freshman Silent
2  Account Deleted    4 years ago

Let's be serious - he can't ban November...

But he could - perhaps -  introduce a new calendar like Caesar did; and in so doing rename November.

Then if  November is changed to Trumpmember -  there is no election - ever. No violation of the Constitution.

Yep - that's the way to do it.

What will we call the remaining  months?

 
 
 
pat wilson
Professor Participates
2.1  pat wilson  replied to  Account Deleted @2    4 years ago
Then if  November is changed to Trumpmember -  there is no election

From what I hear there's not much of a trumpmember to begin with much less an erection, er, I mean election.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
2.1.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  pat wilson @2.1    4 years ago

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
Professor Guide
2.1.2  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom  replied to  pat wilson @2.1    4 years ago

Ha!!!!

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
Professor Expert
2.1.3  sandy-2021492  replied to  pat wilson @2.1    4 years ago

I am so glad I was between drinks of beer right then.  You could have ruined my keyboard!

 
 
 
Account Deleted
Freshman Silent
2.1.4  Account Deleted  replied to  pat wilson @2.1    4 years ago

The Mayans had a month called "Wayeb" with only 5 days - still too long for you?

 
 
 
Dismayed Patriot
Professor Quiet
2.3  Dismayed Patriot  replied to  Account Deleted @2    4 years ago
Then if  November is changed to Trumpmember

...then it would only be 3 days long.

Stormy Daniels confirmed how short Trumpmember is...

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
2.3.1  cjcold  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @2.3    4 years ago

Funny how tiny dicked dictators tend to overcompensate for their shortcomings.

 
 
 
bbl-1
Professor Quiet
3  bbl-1    4 years ago

November will be month of difficulty.  There is much on the line.  It may be more chaotic than Sept. 11, 2001.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
Professor Participates
4  Paula Bartholomew    4 years ago

As much as I am glad this thing is almost over, I will dread it when it is.  There is a whole lot of people out there that are going to flat out lose their collective minds and a lot of them are armed.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
5  Kavika     4 years ago

Oh boy, we could lose November. This is serious stuff, what if you were born in November, are you no longer a born person? 

This is really serious stuff. 

Gotta love Borowitz.

 
 
 
Freefaller
Professor Quiet
5.1  Freefaller  replied to  Kavika @5    4 years ago
are you no longer a born person?

Yes but on the positive side you cease aging because your birthday will no longer exist.

 
 
 
JaneDoe
Sophomore Silent
5.1.1  JaneDoe  replied to  Freefaller @5.1    4 years ago

I have a November birthday. I would be ok with ceasing to age. jrSmiley_9_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
5.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  Kavika @5    4 years ago

My wedding anniversary is in November...does that mean my children are illegitimate?

 
 

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