Eat the Press - Do Not Read It! The content is worthless.
Spewing SHAT is where it is at! - Jonathan Livingston Lipschitz ("Doctored")
CAUTION: This tome is not yet rated.
(Read first, Masturbate later!)
Our Journalistic CREED:
"The PUBLIC'S right to know EVERY damn thing, right this damn minute, SUPERCEDES our right to tell the damn truth.
So, we don't! We just make SHAT UP, like "Fox TV Fake News!"
It is quicker, CHEAPER, and a hell of a lot easier, folks.
Try it. Lick It. Isn't that exhilarating?
Here at "Eat the Press - Do Not Read It" (Don't Read Anything) we adhere to our strict code of ethics, which we expect you to follow as well, or you will go straight to HELL for reading this epistle.
Be advised, Wise Guy!
Do what we do, or no moonshine fur you! No, SHAT, too.
Things you need to know about us:
1. We DO NOT hire highfalutin j ournalists, with their noses in the air. We hire Urinalists .
They, like Donnie J. Trump, like to piss on the News.
Urinalists, you see, have their nose in places most journalists "fear to tread" - politicians' restrooms, where the real political shenanigans are formulated by miscreants. (Republicans)
2. Our Mission is S imple , as we are. We are called "simpleton" by our chief competitor, FOX TV's "FAKE NEWS for LUNATICS" .
Our MISSION is, in case, you didn't get it, to "Piss on the News!"
Fox TV Network News' purpose is to LIE, LIE, LIE.
We, here at, "Eat The Press - Don't Read It", rarely lie, but when we do, it is a "humdinger"!
("Rite" that down, Folk-Laurates! It will become handy in your defamation hearings) .
Folks, this, here, Eat the Press - Do Not Wipe Your Bun With it, is da font of Wis-Dumb , it must be preserved, written down, or, carved into stone, in order to be passed on for eons and eons to our intellectually limited, Trump supporting progenitors!
We are the " Damaged Goods Sold to America" by Dirty Diaper Donnie, soon to be your president, or my vison, a prisoner in an orange jump suit forced to bend over every day to "PICK UP THE SOAP"!
Write that down in your " Book of WIZ-DUMB", o n sale now, at all "Hustler Magazine" stores somewhere in Mur-Ree-KKK-Land!
You see, my beloved, NewsTalkers.commies, Donald John Trump (aka, "Dirty Diaper Donnie") wants to be a New York Mafia Don , like John Gotti.
I say, let him. Gotti died in PRISON!
T-Rump loves the limelight and can't keep his mouth shut. So, let's shut it for him.
"Dirty Diaper Donnie" is not Mafia Don material. He is "Ronald Mac Donald" material. Trump is a clown show.
Everybody knows that he is "insane", a rich, spoiled brats, a lying cork saker that aspires to be a real live MAFIA DON, instead of a dumb don.
DJT is his own worst enemy. He, and, of course, Jack Smith!
Our "sauces" (Stinky & Devine, former Street Walkers, now permanent members of Trump entourage) confused to our Research Team, the following:
"Donnie is so kinky and stinky, so sticky and hanky-panty", that he should be locked up, knocked up and the key is thrown away to protect the world from another, impending Orange-Glow disaster.
Our NYC "sauce" (Ghouliani) claims that DJT wants to destroy our NATION, install himself as "President for Life", and steal every freaking thing he can get his tiny, orange hands on, including grabbing women by their "Pudy" without asking permission.
Now, folks, that just ain't right in the head!
Ghouliani, also warned, that, "Trump doesn't pay anyone, even his lawyers!
Ghouliana, whines on national TV (Fox Fake News) that, he knows, because he ain't getting paid either.
It doesn't help that Ghouliani is known to take off his clothes, and pleasure, himself on a cheap hotel bed while being videotaped.
Trump, on the other hand, or, on the other hand, explained why he never pays for anything!
"You don't get RICH, Bitches, paying bills!"
Folks, everyone that is anyone, knows that "Dirty Diaper Donnie" is a Certified Nut, Career Criminal, Rapist, Compulsive Liar, Cheat, and Adulterer weighed down with a full diaper.
As any Nimrods know, we, here, at "Eat the Press-Do Not Read It", are the "weakest link" in our parent company, the Bird Droppings Institute - a Think Tank for Moron, No Idiots, please!
Therefore what we say, write, discuss, etc. may not be 100% accurate.
(Well, never is more accurate.)
We just make "SHAT UP", we like it like that.
And shooting UNARMED School Children, ain't that necessary to get their parent to vote the way, your simpleton Militia wants them to VOTE!
That does not make you an AMERICAN "PATRIOT", it makes you like "DIRTY DONNIES a looney bin, a looser, a follower, not a HERO.
You are a COWARD!
_________________________________
FOX FAKE NEWS does it, so why can't we?
Our staff is as empty-headed as theirs is. Perhaps, more empty headed than MAGA LOONS. (Is that possible?)
Well, Trump Athletic Cup Holders, when discussing T-Rump Head, Bone-Spur's Slurs, who is HADES, gives a flying "FUGAZY" about what "Dirty Diaper Donnie" does, or doesn't do, for a fringing, fracking CROOKED "Min-nu-toe"?
I sure as HELL don't!
Now, let us discuss more kitchen table items:
SPEAKING of CODES, is there a procedure, or method that I might use on Facebook to avoid those long, lovely FB Jail sentences?
Here, on the much more, White Bread platform, I only get flagged when I mention the word "FAGS", which is a Welsh word that everyone used referring to all kinds and types of people.
In Welch, my native tongue, "faggot" meant a bundle of sticks for firewood starters.
WORDS, WORDS, WORDS?
What is a CLEAN, what is a Dirty. (Who the FUGAZI decide?)
Is "Faire", or perhaps, the friendlier word "Ferry" a more pejorative word!
People are too sensitive nowadays.
Apparently, in this newly forming, "Christian NATIONALIDT Era", words are changing faster than a f$%@ing DJT gripping a woman by her "Puta".
I am tempted to tell you another inside SCOOP but I cannot afford another ticket.
Damn it, fart, Hell, I am a "TOOTH TELLER", which angers MAGA LOONS to a WAR FEVER pitch, and send me hurrying to the nearest restroom, because I am a "Born Again Coward", and proud of it!
Besides, as a Registered Chicken SHAT, I tend to too easily "Wet My Pants", in public about as Donnie SHAT's Diaper. No wonder they call him, "Dirty Diaper Donnie"!
I can soil my breeches as much as that Bitches, DIRTY DIAPER DONNIE" soils his DEPENDS.
It's a good thing I was born an upside down, backwoods boy, with a "Compulsive Flight Syndrome"!
I can instinctively sense D A N G E R from a mile away.
Especially whenever a drunken, angry MAGA-LUNATICS calls me "DEAR", instead of the colloquial, "QUEER"!
So, I shoot out of there like TRUMP on "Speed, Mixed With Cocaine and Sniffing Adderall tablets up his NOSE, that is when the "Orange Orangutan" grabs a LISBO by her "O? PRUDY", and gets coldcocked every time.
That is why DONNIE is a little off.
"Now, you know the rest of the story!" - Walter Concrete
Chapter II
Warning: "This is even sucker. Vomit bags may be required for the faint-hearted , especially if their girdle is too tight. (Apply to Men & Women)!
REMINDER, my Fellow, Dumb Butt- Wipers, Trump ain't paying you either.
The author of this "frequently condemned" post is considered innocent until proven guilty by a Court of disgruntled MAGA LUNATICS!
(What other kind is there?)
Presently, the author, Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo ("Doctored") Publisher of the "Less Than Prestigious, Eat The Press - Do Not Read is on trial for "Congenital Fallaciousness."
A common Republican malady, not known to Demon-Crates, who according to our RESEARCH Team (within a seven-second analysis) concluded that EMOCRATES is "Clean", and Republicans are "Dirty"!
Let that sink in, Girl Friend.
Who's "Squirely, Now, Baby?
Folk Laureats, raise your skirt, but, please be tolerant, respectful, and kind, or STFU!
We, his loyal band of Certified Prevaricators, look forward to a Not Guilty Verdict, as soon as our attorney kicks the shat out of that communist/socialist punk, the prosecuting attorney, Miss Lindsey Graham-Cracker (R, S.C).
She/He is known as the "turncoat Senator" from Dixie, who wears dresses nicely, but, suits dopily.
Please be courteous, to "Miss Lind-seed Oil Graham-Cracker".
She has taken leave of her senses and has had an unfortunate, bitter, angry, hostile, vindictive turn since we broke up.
I had no idea, a "She", was a "He", and "He" did not know that "He" was a "She".
Since that sad day, the "He" of the "She" coupling has publicly threatened to sue anyone that says "He" is a "Fruit Cake".
So, I am not saying he is a "fruitcake"!
WHICH IS SO OBVIOUS .
"He", formerly, "She" is, you know, in a full-on "Twisted Sisters" who are recognized immediately, as a "SHE/HE", known as, "Silly Willy"!
If that isn't enough evidence, I don't know what would be enough!
PISS BREAK:
Now, that we have settled that sensitive issue about "Miss Lindsey", allow me to introduce myself:
My pen deplume is Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, "Doctored".
If you don't think I am "Doctored", just take a gander at my Medicine Cabinet.
I take one, two, maybe three hundred pills a day. If I ain't "doctored" who the HELL is?
I entered life directly from an explosion, which accounts for some of my peculiarities.
Like Donald J. Trump, I am a "Part-Time Idiot and a Full-Time Moron" whose primary role is to "ed-you-mud-cate" folks.
I am not a QUACK, I am an "Unemployed Philosopher" who teaches folks profane things, FREE of charge, for ONLY $8.00 per month. (CASH)
(Same as Elon Musk's does on Twitter, with his fans.
NO DAMN checks or check marks.
That's just a damn silly shat!
Well, folks, if you haven't guessed it, I am a dang-gum-up "BIG SHOT"!
NOT BIG SNOT!
As CEO and FLOUNDER of Eat the Press - Do Not Read It, I advise our readers not to read it, either! But to eat it, or wipe one's Butt with it.
If you ever want a job as a Trump Wiper, it makes great training.
The value is in the pulp when one EATS IT!
So, Eat It, Michael, Don't Beat It! (That is so passe.)
What many of our illiterate readers may not know is that I am, if I may say so myself, a kind of Kingfish, without the black makeup.
I am da soul FLOUNDER of the less than prestigious , Bird Droppings Institute-a Think/Stink Tank for Morons, No Idiots, please, also.
We are located in the nearly all torn-down community of Mildew, Ohio, where there are NO JOBS, NOT EVEN BLOW JOBS!
Thanks to the Re-Puritans who invaded our town and forced us to close down our largest factory, CORK SACKNG, Inc.
You see, we have historic roots.
Big Ones!
Would you like me to show you mine?
Back to the American Revolution, everyone in our neck of the woods was a "Certified Cork-SACKER".
The candle stick maker, the undertaker, the mayor (Jonathan-Livingston Lipschitz, and everyone that was anyone, except, of course, Horse, Reverend Oral Fleece, Pasteur of the church of the How Big Is Your Wallet, How Small Is Your BRAIN?
The "Rev" is a distant relative of the current, Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas, and, like his uncle, has a few deals on the side, so he doesn't need to be a cork sacker.
Oral has amassed a fortune from his less-than-bright congregation of "Willing Rubes", just as Billionaire Preacher, Joel Oil Stain does conning his gullible followers.
So, folks if you want to become a gullible follower, come visit us sometime.
We are just a sharp RIGHT turn from anywhere in
MUR-EEE-KKK-LAND.
Since we got shut down by the Re-Puritans and lost our biggest employer we had to improvise, so we are now in the Tourist Biz.
If you are driving, instead of walking as most of us do, we are the second exit from the sign that reads, "Twilight Zone"!
Just make that super, SHARP, RIGHT turn and you will be right there!
To Be Continued (Maybe, if you send your hard-earned money to me, instead of to "Dirty Diaper Donnie", we would have as much as that "Orange A-Hole, Shat Shoveler" has!
More episodes are coming, of this compelling book are coming as soon as JACK GETS OFF.
Sorry, folks, my "Drug Dealer" has arrived. I need my medicines to get all riled up, again, so I man right.
**************************
I have a " Tale Two Tell of Two Cities Two You" (Only $8.00 per month). I ain't spreading my wisdom for nuttin' !
It's all about the MONEY, HONEY!
I, like my fellow neighbors, was born and bred in Mildew, Oh-High-Oh!
We are a modestly prosperous "holler" located next to the county's Waste Treatment Plant, and adjacent to the city Dump.
Nevertheless, we were a successful village with our factory, "The Cork Sacking Factory"!
Why, folks we even had our own "Spin-Off" factory, a Knee Pad factory. If one is a CORK SACKER, one needs lots of sturdy kneepads.
Everyone in town was a "Cork Sacker", including the mayor, the candlestick maker, and the undertaker!
People traveled from all over the Midwest to get their Cork Sacked. We were renowned as the "Best Cork Sacking Holler in all of 'Murica"!
Until those self-righteous, religious nut-jobs, Talkin'-In-Tongues, Right-Wing Maga-Lunatics invaded our lovely little paradise and shut everything down!
Their mouthpiece declared "Corn Sacking" illegal, and vile! (It ain't, it just smells that way. and sinful.)
The Re-Purr-I-KKKans took charge and ruined our town, then packed up, and moved on to another town to sack.
One might say, "They became CORKSAKERS , too"!
Needless to say, our brains are minuscule, and our hands are big!
Currently, we are located in that lovely, but, nearly all torn-down Village of Mildew, Ohio, where there are NO JOBS - NOT EVEN BLOW JOBS!
So, naturally, as mostly demon-crats we had to go on the "guv'mint tit" living like rats on guv'mint's cheese.
We dang near evaporated. If it weren't for "Doctored" Jonathan Livingston Lipschitz we would have all perished in that "Hill Billy Paradise in the Sky," where classical music was played all the time.
It was this lizard wizard who recommended that we get into the "Tourist Trade" that saved our palookas.
MORE LIES AND WHINING COMING TO A TOWN NEAR YOU SOON!
Send $8.00 per month for all the free speech you want, sent to you "free of charge".
To Be Continued, or not. "You decide, we write!"
MOMMAS:
"Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Trump Thumb Suckers.
Donnie Suck enough for all of us."
Donnie has a new SCAM. The most corrupt sinner in 'Mur-Ree-KKK-Ah is now peddling BIBLES!
Is there no bottom to low for Donald to Go?
A lot of peoples, don't know dis, but eighter do eye. So that is why I ain't gonna tell you nothing. Jesus is Donnie, Donnie is Jesus, God is their Father, and HE needs MONEY, TOO.
As many of you LEFT LEANING LIBERALS, too lazy to get a job, 'cause you spend all day day & night playing that damn Demon's Game, "CORN HOLING", when you ought to be out looking fer a JOB, that don't exist in the Biden Administration of "Do Nothing" policy.
-Mur-Ree-KKK-Ah is going to HELL in a handbag, what different does it make if it is a DESINGER'S handbag, it was probably made in CHINESE LAND by Communists, and sold on the Streets of New York Cities by "Illegals takin' good jobs from our recently released felons.
That ain't right.
What's Right is "Dirty Diaper Donnie's" had, fart...er...fought battle to get back in the White House, where the first thing he is gonna do is to paint the White House ORANGE!
Don-Don, "The Con" stinks ahead and intents to make brown eyes, blue.
In order to accomplish Donnie's Agenda, Don The Con, needs your MONEY, Honey.
So if you want to save 'MUR-REE-KKK-AH, then did dig. We cannot have BOOK MOBILES driving all over creation, shoving Scientology down the throats of tinny-tiny, innocent Christian child's throats filled with non-Jesus messages.
We, America's White Saviors, must be the guardrail, front tires, and back door to protecting our country from East Coast Liberals who attended upscale colleges with in-door plumbing.
How in Hades can one teach our killdren if'n we don't stag a-head of the game.
So, send MONEY, Honey, that is what it is all about...shake it out and turn you spouse, the louse around, and till he is so confused, he doesn't know he got pick-pocketed. That is how the money drops.
Remember, Jesus and Donnie are one in da same. Hallelujah, and pass the ammunition.
It's time to WAKE UP, MAGA LOONS, this time you won't be shooting at children in a CLASS ROOM.
A Well Armed Military is going to teach you a lesson you. Drop you Weapon, Pull Your Pants Up, make a decision:
Do I want to die for "Dirty Diaper Donnie" and the "CLUSTER FUGAZIS" that suck as his trough? Or, do I want to LIVE to see another day?
And you want to re-elected the BEAST? To do WHAT? Tear our democracy because this ORANGE MONSTER has a bur up his ARSE.
It's time to grow up. It ain't happening.
A VOTE FOR DUMP is proof positive that you are a MAGA LOONEY TUNE, pissed off because your life is a broken promise, divorce, stuck in a job you hate, and others, possibly, your former friends are succeeding, so you, an ARSE WHIP want to grab your weapons and start shooting unarmed Americans!
STAY THE F&^% HOME.
There will be an Army present and you will be shredded.
Pull your head out of "Dirty Diaper Donnie's" ARSE, and smell the roses, not his soiled DEPENDS.
And, this is who you want LEADING our country?
At 82.3.14 years, I can't keep tell you how to run your LIFE. AVOID "Dirty Diaper Donnie" at all cost!
At 82.3.14 years, I can't keep tell you how to run your LIFE. AVOID "Dirty Diaper Donnie" at all cost!
So few realize the time and energy it takes to produce an
EPISTLE as complicated as this, and as depressing...
Send MONEY, Honey!
Wasn't this enlightening? It was so enlightening that the curtains caught.
I thought for a moment that I was being RAPTURED.
Then I realized it was smoke, not clouds and I had to act quickly or the house might go up in flames.
And, I certainly want to explain that to my wife.
Do you know how much I had to pay for those two posters?
It is getting worse, CB. I am now 80.11 years, rapidly approaching my EXPIRATION DATE, and no one, not even you are sending me the "$8.00 per month, to read by
FREE Blog. (What the HELL is a "Blog.", anyway!
Where have I gone wrong?
Excuse me for the length, I had to get this poison out of my system. I feel cleanse. I bet you don't after reading a few sentences.
If I seem brief, I apologize, but I only had 25 minutes between my shock therapy sessions, so I had to race thorough as fast as me little fingers would allowed me to do so.
Otherwise, Nurse Rachet would cut them off.
Someday, someone will read this tome, and, say, "This is hilarious," or, not!
WTF is this piece about? I have no idea. Do you?
This is the Introductory page to Eat The Press - Do Not Read It! Do Not Read Anything, Ignorance is Bliss. Ask any Trump Supporter!
It seems that very few, here, on the NewsTalker.com appreciate the unsung songs of a Liberal tossed into a Sea of Conservative Chips. Lonely, literate and unabashed, I remain, respectfully yours, Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, aka, Wintrope Merridethe, the Turd, Reverend Oral Fleece, Little Johnnie Jump Up and Doctors Ding-Dong & Ding-A-Ling, conjoined Siamese Twins.
Send Money. I am drowing here, and can't get up.
The Noose around the Fake POTUS, real POS, is tightening. Two of Trump's cabinet picks, and Rudy Giuliani, are photographed partying with Jeffrey Epstein, the accused Child Sex Traifficer and BF of "Don, the Con".
Sometimes, like now, I wish I could SHUT UP, don't you?
I keep editing and re-editing this introductory article. I believe it is improving, do you?
No!
And, still it sucks.
Help Me, Help. I am still here. Someone, anyone toss me a rope!
The reality of our life that we see, like light, can be distorted through the prism of one's mind, beliefs, even, under an aluminum foil hat.
This is a "Work In Progress". I am using it as an opportunity to jump around through the ages of me life without restraint. One day I hope to sell it for a new used TV.
Be patient, my love. I did not go cracker all at once. It took time.
A Point of Inquiry:
Is there a method to save one's work, without posting/publishing it, in order, to edit it when the medications wear off?
I like to write as rapidly as possible exposing all the demons at once, then. go back later and disguise them with corrections.
But, how does one SAVE a work in progress, here, on The News Talker, when composing a "Block Buster Article", I ask?
Read it and Weep, Muther - Fuckars! The icing is in the cake, not on it.
CB: Here, I hope, is the link to one of me FB pages:
Not much action, Jackson! What is up with all these pro-Trump, neophytes?
Now, 77.5 years ripe, and "befuddled" as ever. How do I find the page where I might "illuminate" my Fellow News Talkers with my "twisted, Unemployed Philosopher's Wisdom"?
I cannot find the correct button to hit. So, I smack my favorite photo of Trump.
That was an excellent improvisation. Do it again. It will make you swoon!
Hey BadFish, "Peaking", are you? Right back at you. I throw it all up there, then, from time to time go back and edit.
A lot of the time, I wonder "What the Freakin' Frack is WRONG WITH ME?"
Have I heal, ye, Badfish?
No, offense, BAD FISH, but, I was under the impression that a BAD FISH, was not a good thing.
Is there a CODED MESSAGE in there somewhere. That is the rage now. People write in CODED MESSAGE.
I think I do, do you. (Get It? I don't)
HEY BADFISH! Now here's a real 'Joker!'
Close to 76 years are ye, Eat The Press? Or shall I appropriately state, "Ye are close to 76 years old?" Well buddy, it took me a while to locate you on Newstalkers! This story is priceless! A bit exotic and uncultured, but thou are a great comedian, aren't ye? I was having a discussion with my family physician, and guess what?! I was told to decompress, to crack up more often, to stop 'grinding rocks,' and *poof* your article lands in my lap! So hop out of there and up on the platform you go!
NewTalkers needs a staff comedian (and they don't even know it yet!) Don't forget: keep your paystubs! You're going to need. . . maybe not. It's the age of Trump after all! Old topic: New subject: Got "pampered" Manafort?!
Thanks, CB, that Joker Crack was a joke, right. 'Cause I am a "congenital cracker".
Now, 82.3.16 year, wow how times flies buy when one is having fun. You, CB, are a good person, friend and a lot of F U N!
CB: I've revised this some. Give me some feedback.
I don't see these things (over here); is this a blind spot? I came here on another mission (looking for an article where an insurrectionist ID himself!)
Is this place still active and under production? Or has it seen the light of day yet?
Hey you!
You have to publish you know, before we can know it, mi amigo!!!
Currently, as you forecasted, I am under seize by a cabal of Right Wing "Agitators" who swarm to my site like a beetle to dung, whipping themselves into a froth.
This place is riddled with arrogant right-wing zealots that abuse their combined role as "moderators" and Trump Apologist like Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Their objective for some time, now, is to get me suspended. Several of my articles have been "LOCKED" for spurious reasons, and some "Metalized", whatever the Hell that is.
I have perused the CofC and do not find my posts or articles in violation. I do, however, find the same angry Trump posters, a cluster fu*k of 4-5 five hardball "Trumpers" to be "screwball" pitchers.
Any advice?
Yes, CB. I love to but the Harpies are out in force with their ticket books. Takes the fun away when they shut down half of the respondents and me for expressing my view.
WTF is up with "Sweeping Generalizations?"
Big BLIND SPOT in me head.
I think my Mania is accelerating since I stopped taking my meds.
What say you!
I am now 80.6 years, and, you are the only friend I have, here, on thenewstalkers.communist.
What is wrong with you?
I resemble that accusation. I am NOT a "Joker", I am a "Stroker", a "Choker" and, on the week-ends, to earn extra money, a "Hooker". Is that wrong?
In today market, it is the wise owl that is multi-tasked.