Kathleen

Time for some laughs

  
By:  Kathleen  •  Vacations  •  2 months ago  •  84 comments

Time for some laughs

We all need a lift...

No politics and religion and be nice please....

Article is Locked


 

Tags

jrBlog - desc
smarty_function_ntUser_is_admin: user_id parameter required
[]
 
Kathleen
1  author  Kathleen    2 months ago

Just be glad you are not stuck in this small space....

 
 
 
Kathleen
2  author  Kathleen    2 months ago

Need any false teeth?

 
 
 
Nerm_L
3  Nerm_L    2 months ago

I received a postcard, in the mail, from the CDC listing precautions.  Ironically I had to wash my hands after reading it.

 
 
 
Nerm_L
3.1  Nerm_L  replied to  Nerm_L @3    2 months ago

Why are we greeting each other with elbow bumps when we are supposed to sneeze into our elbows? 

Maybe we should try ass bumps instead.

 
 
 
Nerm_L
3.1.1  Nerm_L  replied to  Nerm_L @3.1    2 months ago

We need to start a petition to make couch potato gymnastics an Olympic sport.

Pulling underwear out of a butt crack without standing up requires a lot of athletic ability.

 
 
 
Nerm_L
3.1.2  Nerm_L  replied to  Nerm_L @3.1.1    2 months ago

I remember when 'look but don't touch' meant something completely different.

 
 
 
Nerm_L
3.1.3  Nerm_L  replied to  Nerm_L @3.1.2    2 months ago

I remember when heroes wore masks.

256     256    

256    256

 
 
 
Kathleen
4  author  Kathleen    2 months ago

One of my favorites.

 
 
 
loki12
5  loki12    2 months ago

Day 15 of quarantine, This has got me thinking about Osama bin Laden, he was stuck in his house with 3 wives for 5 years, I'm beginning to think he called the seals himself

 
 
 
The People's Fish, Still "Hand Of The Queen"
5.1  The People's Fish, Still "Hand Of The Queen"  replied to  loki12 @5    2 months ago

Could you imagine the brain damage involved in being stuck with three wives and the kids?

 
 
 
loki12
5.1.1  loki12  replied to  The People's Fish, Still "Hand Of The Queen" @5.1    2 months ago

The secret is acreage,  and a private gun range,   and giant lake to fish on.   

 
 
 
charger 383
6  charger 383    2 months ago

A report from a homeschool 

Day 1   Organized classroom

Day 2    good progress

Day 3    one student late

Day 4    2 students suspended for fighting,  teacher reported to be drinking on the job

Day 5     field trips to basement and garage

Day 6     student calls in bomb threat

Day 7     75 degrees and sunny, classes canceled for snow

 
 
 
JaneDoe
6.1  JaneDoe  replied to  charger 383 @6    2 months ago

Homeschool student... I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year. hehehe

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
6.2  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  charger 383 @6    2 months ago

One great advantage - no school shootings.

 
 
 
JaneDoe
7  JaneDoe    2 months ago

320

 
 
 
Ender
7.1  Ender  replied to  JaneDoe @7    2 months ago

Quick, grab it before it rains !

Or the neighbors start looting it...

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
8  Just Jim NC TttH    2 months ago

Damned cat just asked me if I wanted  the radio left on while he goes out. Little prick.

 
 
 
loki12
9  loki12    2 months ago

256

 
 
 
loki12
10  loki12    2 months ago

Has anybody thought about throwing a virgin into a volcano yet?

 
 
 
JaneDoe
10.1  JaneDoe  replied to  loki12 @10    2 months ago

It didn’t work. 

 
 
 
loki12
10.1.1  loki12  replied to  JaneDoe @10.1    2 months ago

LOL, Thanks for trying!

 
 
 
Kathleen
10.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  loki12 @10    2 months ago

They might be lying...

 
 
 
Nerm_L
10.3  Nerm_L  replied to  loki12 @10    2 months ago
Has anybody thought about throwing a virgin into a volcano yet?

Maybe we should think about throwing a volcano into a virgin.

Six feet of separation might make that a challenge.

 
 
 
TTGA
10.4  TTGA  replied to  loki12 @10    2 months ago
Has anybody thought about throwing a virgin into a volcano yet?

You mean there are still virgins around?????  Who knew.

 
 
 
Krishna
11  Krishna    2 months ago

Monty Python - The Argument Clinic

 
 
 
Freewill
11.1  Freewill  replied to  Krishna @11    2 months ago

Sounds just like so many threads right here on NewsTalkers doesn't it?

 
 
 
Krishna
11.1.1  Krishna  replied to  Freewill @11.1    2 months ago
Sounds just like so many threads right here on NewsTalkers doesn't it?

yep.

(In fact that was was first thought.. jrSmiley_2_smiley_image.png )

 
 
 
Kathleen
11.1.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  Freewill @11.1    2 months ago

Yep, the back and forth.. 

 
 
 
Goodtime Charlie
12  Goodtime Charlie    2 months ago

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, that then I pee it cleans the toilet.

I'm giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for a month

 
 
 
Krishna
12.1  Krishna  replied to  Goodtime Charlie @12    2 months ago
I'm giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for a month

That reminds me of a book that was very popular a while back:

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation  Paperback   – Bargain Price, April 11, 2006

320

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
13  Just Jim NC TttH    2 months ago

320

 
 
 
Ender
15  Ender    2 months ago

MCrosky : Passengers certain to die!
Kramer  : Airline negligent.
Johnny  : There's a sale at Penny's!

 
 
 
lady in black
16  lady in black    2 months ago

256

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
17  Paula Bartholomew    2 months ago

IMO, the funniest bit EVER!....Tim Conway's elephant story.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
18  Buzz of the Orient    2 months ago

91046108_10216696280066116_7813959474787

90629733_10216696556673031_7771652552273

90776448_10220168599198577_9188959101021

91022261_3438951446131427_76814679757480

90699987_10216708081401142_6226079309195

 
 
 
Krishna
18.1  Krishna  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @18    2 months ago

512

 
 
 
Kathleen
18.1.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  Krishna @18.1    2 months ago

Reminds me of the Mel Brooks scene when he asked anyone if they wanted any soup.

”Are you all together or is this separate checks”.

 
 
 
Krishna
18.1.2  Krishna  replied to  Krishna @18.1    2 months ago

Here's the original (pre-Coronavirus version). Its by some minor European artist actually.... 

384

 
 
 
TTGA
18.1.3  TTGA  replied to  Krishna @18.1.2    2 months ago
Its by some minor European artist actually.... 

Yeah, I heard that he was painting a building and got sidetracked.

Hmmmm.  I wonder how you say, "Hey Leonardo, why are you painting graffiti on that building", in Italian.

 
 
 
Krishna
18.1.4  Krishna  replied to  TTGA @18.1.3    2 months ago

Well, I had never heard of him before either so I googled him.

It turns out he was some relatively unknown artist, (You are right BTW. ..his name was Leonardo).

And the name of this work was called "The Last Supper"-- it was some sort of dinner party. (In the original there are lot of people at dinner-- the humour in the one with a single person is that that's supposed to be the result of "social distancing"...in the times of the CoronaVirus.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
18.1.5  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  TTGA @18.1.3    one month ago

Hey Leonardo, why are you painting graffiti on that building?

Ehi Leonardo, perché dipingi dei graffiti su quell'edificio?

 
 
 
shona1
19  shona1    2 months ago

A/noon..Just had the Indian scammers on the phone..a charge of $57 has appeared on my Amazon account..Really..Don't have one, OK see how long I can keep them on the phone..Got the usual spiel...Just said...How is the weather over there in Mumbai?? I thought all you mob were in lock down with the virus?? How come you are at work?? You are spreading the virus..Have you washed your hands today?? You might catch it...How is the toilet paper situation over there and have you got any???..Silence...then "Ann" hung up..I thought they were genuine questions....

 
 
 
Kathleen
19.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  shona1 @19    2 months ago

Glad you did that! I get those calls a lot. I have a air horn.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
19.2  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  shona1 @19    one month ago

Scammers and robo calls is why I unplugged my lan line.  I only use my cell phone now.

 
 
 
Kathleen
19.2.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @19.2    one month ago

Same here... 

 
 
 
Freewill
20  Freewill    2 months ago

This one is finely coiffed.

original

 
 
 
Krishna
20.1  Krishna  replied to  Freewill @20    one month ago

Excellent!

BTW, that's The Red Queen.

Strangely enough there's another version of that Chess set. . .  that come with a Blue Queen!

320

 
 
 
Freewill
21  Freewill    2 months ago

512

The guy standing behind him might be well advised to move...

 
 
 
Krishna
21.1  Krishna  replied to  Freewill @21    one month ago

The guy standing behind him might be well advised to move...

Reminds me of this one:
Improv Everywhere - Star Wars Subway Car

 
 
 
Krishna
21.1.1  Krishna  replied to  Krishna @21.1    one month ago

More Improve Everywhere (From their "Movies in Real Life" series):

Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters!

 
 
 
Freewill
22  Freewill    2 months ago

Weird Science

My most embarrassing moment in high school occurred in the chemistry lab.  As in most institutional labs, the lab equipment was arranged in stations with 4 or 5 rather high stools arranged around each station.  The floor was hard concrete and the stools had four metal legs and a thin hardwood perch. It was as if one were sitting upon a tightly tuned snare drum, which oddly enough sets the tone for the rest of the story.

On my way to class that morning I stopped at Mickey D's for a sausage egg McMuffin which I devoured in less than two bites.  I washed it down with some OJ and a bit of coffee and arrived at my lab early as I was accustomed to doing.  There were a couple others in the room, but not those with whom I would typically associate, so I took a seat toward the back of the lab and settled in for some serious learning.  

As my classmates and friends filtered in I began to feel my breakfast digest.  By the time several of my friends had joined me around my station and the bell had rung signaling the start of class, I was feeling a bit queasy and uncomfortable. Little beads of sweat had formed on my forehead as the pressure built in my intestines. This was not the sort of chemistry I had in mind.  

The room fell silent as the teacher began to speak and just then one of my friends lets loose with a muffled yawn.  For some reason I still cannot fathom, I found that hilarious, but obviously did not want to laugh out loud.  In an attempt to stifle the laugh, I inadvertently set off a chemical chain reaction that has haunted me to this day. The initial release was colossal enough, but it was the long loud reverberation rattling out on that stool like a spirited rendition of The Little Drummer Boy that put the place in motion.  My friends began to scramble, as if for their very lives, as backpacks and stools skittered across the floor.  Nearby stations began to join in the exodus, and people were falling and stumbling away from me in a sort of semi-circular blast pattern not unlike that of a nuclear detonation in the Bikini Atoll.  Some were laughing hysterically, others looked genuinely frightened.  It was a good half hour before the room was finally ventilated and order was restored.  From that point forward I was Legend, but not in the way I had hoped I would be in high school.  I was later selected by my peers as "Most likely to solve the energy crisis".

 
 
 
Kathleen
22.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  Freewill @22    2 months ago

Made me laugh early this morning to start the day..  😆

 
 
 
It Is ME
23  It Is ME    2 months ago

512

512

 
 
 
Kathleen
23.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  It Is ME @23    2 months ago

Omg! If the internet went down... lol

 
 
 
It Is ME
23.1.1  It Is ME  replied to  Kathleen @23.1    2 months ago
If the internet went down...

….. Life as we know it would END quicker than CV19 could take us ! jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
pat wilson
24  pat wilson    2 months ago

256256

256256

 
 
 
Kathleen
24.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  pat wilson @24    2 months ago

They are all great!  The Shinning one ...jrSmiley_4_smiley_image.png

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
25  Jeremy Retired in NC    2 months ago

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
25.1  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Jeremy Retired in NC @25    one month ago

If that thing has not gone viral, it needs to.  

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
25.1.1  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @25.1    one month ago

It has in certain circles.  

 
 
 
loki12
26  loki12    2 months ago

Be honest, if anybody had told you 10 years ago that the government would pay you to spend 4/20 at home and you could only leave to buy weed and munchies...would you have believed them?

 
 
 
Krishna
26.1  Krishna  replied to  loki12 @26    2 months ago
.would you have believed them?

I generally don't believe anything the government says! (I assume they're lying...until any particular statement they make is proven right).

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
27  Buzz of the Orient    2 months ago

This is it.  The day your dogs have all been waiting for.  The day they realize their owners can't leave the house and they get you 24/7.  Dogs are rejoicing everywhere.  Cats are contemplating suicide. 

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
27.1  sandy-2021492  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @27    2 months ago

256

 
 
 
Kathleen
27.1.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  sandy-2021492 @27.1    2 months ago

He he.. that smile...

 
 
 
shona1
27.2  shona1  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @27    2 months ago

A/noon Buzz..Dogs here have never been walked so much in their lives...My cat knows no different..Bellows I want food, bellows I want to go out, bellows I want to come in..pounds me to death..It has now parked itself on my bed getting ready for a nap...256 Peace at last..But I will miss her dreadfully when I head to Melbourne for 3 weeks tomorrow..I had better go and wash her dishes and put more food in them...before I get bellowed at again...Happy Easter for yesterday everyone..

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
27.2.1  sandy-2021492  replied to  shona1 @27.2    2 months ago

I wish you safe travels and successful treatment, Shona.  And snuggles from that beautiful cat when you get home.

 
 
 
shona1
27.2.2  shona1  replied to  sandy-2021492 @27.2.1    2 months ago

Thanks Sandy..Lovely a/noon here...real Autumn day..better make the most of it as I have another 3 weeks of isolation coming up..Yes Mishka will be all over me like a rash when I get home...and that is something to look forward to...

 
 
 
Krishna
27.3  Krishna  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @27    one month ago
Cats are contemplating suicide. 

Don't be fooled-- rumours of their contemplating suicide is just a clever ruse!

Actually I think that now, finally, Cats long-standing plans to take over the world can now be put in play!

 
 
 
Krishna
27.3.1  Krishna  replied to  Krishna @27.3    one month ago

Actually I think that now, finally, Cats long-standing plans to take over the world can now be put in play!

They've been training for years for the take-over-- here's the video!

(The video is in some top secret DEEP STATE CAT-LANGUAGE, but there are English subtitles at the very bottom of the screen)

LES CHATS NINJA!

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
28  Buzz of the Orient    2 months ago

We thought we'd have flying cars by 2020.  But no, here we are teaching people how to wash their hands.

 
 
 
Kathleen
28.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @28    2 months ago

I know.. right..

You have to sing Happy Birthday twice.

 
 
 
The Magic Eight Ball
29  The Magic Eight Ball    2 months ago

 
 
 
Kathleen
29.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  The Magic Eight Ball @29    2 months ago

The cat taking off, the treadmill and the lion laughing...jrSmiley_86_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
1stwarrior
30  1stwarrior    one month ago

Brother went to a store yesterday, took a cart, and began shopping.

As he was going passed the "Paper" aisle, he noticed a fella with three shopping carts, just loaded to the hilt, in front of the Toilet Paper section.

Well, charming, cool, suave and debonair brother lashed into the guy - telling him 'bout all the people who are dying from the virus, those who can't get out of the house to come to the stores to get TP, all the stores not having any TP - who do you think you are being such a blatant hoarder??

Fella listens to the tirade, then asks brother - "ya through"?

Brother sez yeah - and places his hands on his hips in case there's gonna be a butt-kicking contest.

Fella sez, nicely, "then do you mind getting out of the way so I can finish stocking these shelves?"

Tail between his legs, head bent down, brother crawled out of the store.

 
 
 
Citizen Kane-473667
31  Citizen Kane-473667    one month ago

Here-are-some-COVID-19-memes-just-for-la

 
 
 
1stwarrior
31.1  1stwarrior  replied to  Citizen Kane-473667 @31    one month ago

Damn - another episode of NYC's electricity being cut off in the 70's.

 
 
 
Krishna
32  Krishna    one month ago

Peter Sellers: Return of The Pink Panther -Seeing Eye Monkey (Minky - Meenky)

 
 
 
Krishna
32.1  Krishna  replied to  Krishna @32    one month ago

More Peter Sellers:

Does Your Dog Bite?/ Do You have a "reum"?

 
 
 
Kathleen
32.1.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  Krishna @32.1    one month ago

Classic!!!

 
 
 
Kathleen
32.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  Krishna @32    one month ago

I love the pink panther movies...Great scene!

 
 
 
Krishna
33  Krishna    one month ago

A Night At The Opera: Crowded Cabin Scene (The Marx Brothers)

 
 
 
Kathleen
33.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  Krishna @33    one week ago

Just saw this, I love this.