Is That a Shotgun Or Are You Just Mad To See Me?
I'm writing this because of an incautious statement I made. Next time I'll keep my mouth shut.
It's just part of my nature to be attracted to women who are...crazy, nuts, wild, insane, basically not good for me, like chocolate or caffeine. Or maybe not good for me like cocaine and alcohol, hard to say.The difference being, I've given up cocaine and alcohol many years ago, chocolate and caffeine are still with me.
One of the madwomen I dated back in the 80's had a shotgun, she was divorced with 2 young girls and her dad had given her a shotgun for the house, some people give towels or kitchen appliances, some give shotguns. I think it's a regional thing. She kept it behind the door and she could shoot, very well.
Pauline (not her real name) and I had been dating for about 2 months, we'd known each other for years. She lived 2 roads over from my house. I was familiar with her temper but she was my kind of wild child and I put up with a lot for her. Truth to tell, she put up with a lot from me too.
It was very sunny day in July. I was working on a roofing crew at the time, one of several jobs I tried after I got out of the service. If you've never spent a July in North Carolina think temp and humidity both in the high 90's all the time. We worked for 12 hours straight one day so we wouldn't have to come back the next day. The boss said he'd pay us for eight and we could have a 3 day weekend if we stayed to finish the job that day. Needless to say by the end of the day I was beat. After we finished the job we'd still had an hour and half drive home. By the time I got home it was too late to get ready for a date and I was too tired anyway. I decided I'd better face the music with Pauline in person rather than on the phone, I don't really like talking on the phone.
I rode over to her house knowing it wasn't going to be pleasant but not knowing how bad it was going to be. I never made it past the front door. She met me at the door, she was really looking good too, new outfit, hairdo, she looked great!...and she looked mad. I tried to tell her that it was too late, I was sorry, I'd had to work late. She wasn't hearing it. She was yelling and crying, she'd got a baby sitter, a new hairdo, new dress and now she wasn't getting to go out!
Next thing I know I'm looking down the shotgun barrel, it's a mighty long shotgun and she's a small woman but she's holding it real steady. Up to now I was remorseful, now I was scared! I started talking and I started talking fast, "Baby, listen, I'll take you to the dinner club in Greensboro tomorrow, I'll get my little sister to babysit, I'll borrow my boss's Lincoln, I'll even dance if we drink enough!"
She hadn't shot me yet so I kept talking. When it's working, go with it. "You sure look great tonight baby. I can't believe you did all that for me. I'm lucky to be with someone like you." The shotgun is still up at this point but not pointed right at me. I'm feeling a little better, but still, shotguns spread. "Baby, could I come in? I don't want someone to ride by and get the wrong idea?" I'm hoping at this point, and I'm a man, I admit it, that I could talk my way into a segue to make up sex. Hey, she didn't shoot me, and I was kind of getting turned on by the notion of seducing a woman with a gun.
Crazy women are telepathic, it was like she could read my mind, she told me I could come in tomorrow, after she got to go dancing, and she laughed, so I'm counting that one as a win.
We did go out the next night, my baby sister sat for us, I had to wash my boss's car before he'd let me borrow it, I bought her a bracelet and flowers, I took her dancing after only 4 drinks, she drove home, she let me in that night.
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I posted this on the Vine a long time ago but I figure a lot of you here may have never seen it. This is a true story, only the names have been changed to protect...well...me mostly!
Great story. Certainly most suitable for Good Porch.
I hear you talkin'. It took me far too long to realize my attraction to the Vampire Girls was somehow detrimental to my overall health, body and mind. Still, they are mighty fun prior to the knives a flashin'.
She was a great girl. She was a real beauty in a tiny package. you know the kind of girl that is 5ft nothing but is all curves and luscious? That was her, and a really beautiful face too. Great skin, big blue eyes, long dark curly hair...oh my. I was young and fresh out of the service and I was wild as a stag in those days. She had her hands full with me.
Sounds like she found an effective way of dealing with you. Looks like a really fun trip....assuming you survive those little bumps in the road.
One of our Fire Control Technicians lived on our ship in Long Beach during the week while his wife (a nurse at the Navy Hospital) stayed at their apartment in San Diego. He would go home for the weekend. One week, he did a long, tedious job and finished on Wednesday evening. Our Division Officer told him to take the rest of the week off, so he headed for home, without calling his wife. He got there about 11 PM, unlocked the door, and found himself looking into the muzzles of a 12GA double. After that, he always called ahead if he was going to be home early or late.
Being a Serious Looker was part and parcel of the Vampire Girls charm. No doubt they have their own stories of what crazed assclowns we were. Life and Love are still entwined in bodacious mystery. At least for me.
found himself looking into the muzzles of a 12GA double.
Been there. Done that. Got the shit stained underwear!
Oh my God! You should have seen her! She was beautiful! She didn't overfill her gown but she sure as hell didn't waste an inch of it either. When we went in the supper club every man in the place was following her with his eyes while pretending not to look so he wouldn't get yelled at by the woman he was with.
She was, without a doubt, one of the 3 most beautiful women I've ever been with, and I've been lucky enough to have been with quite a few.
Same here and I can't for the life of me figure out why they let themselves choose me. Go figure. I tell you what though, they liked to kill me dead. Not a bad manner in which to depart upon a dirt nap though....
You guys crack me up!
That has got to be one of the funniest stories I have read in a long time.... also made more enjoyable knowing that it was real! I never would have taken you going for a girl like that. OMG just too funny! Now I know what I did wrong. I never owned a shotgun, or any gun for that matter. Dang, if I knew it was a turn on, I would have gotten me one in my yoot.
That has got to be one of the funniest stories I have read in a long time.... also made more enjoyable knowing that it was real!
Always makes me happy to know that my abject terror can entertain others.
Maybe you've forgotten this one?
Check all the pockets.
In case you've forgotten that stunning embarrassment can be entertaining too...if it happens to someone else.
I never would have taken you going for a girl like that.
It's not like I didn't give her plenty of provocation, and she was a real beauty. I was lucky to be with her. I think she thought she could 'straighten me out' and make husband material out of me. Didn't exactly work out.
OMG just too funny! Now I know what I did wrong. I never owned a shotgun, or any gun for that matter. Dang, if I knew it was a turn on, I would have gotten me one in my yoot.
You have to understand, I was not exactly a prize. I was racing motorcycles on the street, drinking, partying, chasing girls. I WAS that guy your mom warned you about!
Hee hee hee. I remember reading this on the vine a while back. Why do we do this to ourselves? Not just once, either.
Uhhhh....hello! She was Beautiful...and I was young, dumb and full of com-mitment issues.
Why did I date a 4 stripe Captain's daughter when I was an E-3 Machinist Mate striker?
Because she was BEAUTIFUL! and I was young, dumb, etc
Why did I date a Baptist minister's daughter when I was in high school, when I knew damn well he had a dozen guns and would shoot me if he saw where I'd been kissing? And she was so wild she would want to make out in church!
Because she was BEAUTIFUL! and I was...you know.
That's why we do it.
Perrie,
The turn on is the pretty face, the soft skin, the butt and the boobs. The shotgun (whether held by her or her daddy) is just an impediment that has to be gotten around to get at those things. The attraction to really hot women who are a bit wild is actually just a phase that guys go through. We usually grow out of it sometime in our mid 80's.
You might be giving us too much credit there Pard. I am beginning to believe we take it with us to the grave.
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Yeah , I know this lacks the personal drama of those other vampires ...
So I've still got a couple of decades then. Good to know.
They're all friends... till they reach for the shotgun.
That sort of depends on how good her daddy is with a shotgun.
Impediment? Yeah, that's as good a word as any.
Same here and I can't for the life of me figure out why they let themselves choose me. Go figure.
I know why. You damn musicians always pull the hotties. All I had going for me was good looks, a great body, my natural Irish charm and a willingness to spend money on them. OH, and a good car.
That sort of depends on how good her daddy is with a shotgun.
How did I not see that comment before? Sometimes I really miss being able to vote a comment up!
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She was a hell of a woman. Still is for that matter. She's married now, that was what she really wanted anyway.