A Bill Before Congress, "Blow Before You Vote" may PREVENT FUTURE WARS!
How To Change Congress in a JIFFY? Grease the Skids!
Simply put, folks, my proposal, "BLOW BEFORE YOU VOTE" bill, now, making the rounds of Republican's favorites stomping grounds, "Gay Bars" in Washington, D. C, where successful lobbyists meet up with unsuccessful politicians to get things done.
This report was not vetted by our top "sauce," Steve Bunions, the former, high-level Administrative official in the Trump organization of "sleaze bags. Mister Bunions is now, a homeless wino living in the basement of the Washington Monument.
Steve is frantically reporting that there are a rapid rise and renewed interest in this project due to his shamelessly paying member of Congress off.
Mr. Bunions noted, that the "blackmailed" pictures, aka, "Caught In Action, Jackson", were provided by the Michael Jackson Foundation, or, a Foundation with a similar name because they still have a "hard-on" about Congress shunning Michael's dream of serving in the Senate.
Steve added, that "at the local, grass-roots front his team of ex-winos is hurriedly smoking a lot of grass to keep their wits sharp."
"Simultaneously," Bunions declared, " that thuggish-looking volunteers from the NYC Mafia are calling on everyone in Congress, in a face to face feta, to get behind dis legislation or kiss your behind bye-bye."
"Blow Before You Vote, No Sucking, Please"! (Is the official, formal title, but, sponsors did not want to completely exposed lawmakers, too many are still in their wives closets.
"Unfortunately, because our volunteer (Steve) stole the bribe-money, it was not included with the memorandum to the individual Congressional members. It went to their wives, instead, with a solicitation to have sex with Steve.
Our Less Than Illustrious Research Team, the little-known, little-heard-of, Bird Droppings Institute, a Think Tanks For Morons, No Idiots, Please, is convinced that they have found a backdoor to all of the Republicans in Congress. "Tell them to bend over and grab their ankles".
Photographic materials, videos, films, audio tapes, and signed confessions from members of D.C.'s Top Dating Service, "Ho's To Go."
Per usual, we are asking all of our semi-sober readers to contact their Congressional Representatives and let them know that, "We Know What You Did Last Summer!"
Pass the "BLOW BEFORE YOU VOTE" legislation or your sexual predilections will appear weekly on Saturday Night Live until all 435 episodes are aired, sometime in 2030.
In the spirit of translucency, let me make it "crystal clear", we are talking about "blowing into a breathalyzer", not fooling around with an underage page.
Our message to our Congressional Representatives is "cave", or, your "peroxide, big-hair", Stepford Wife will know "What you did last Summer!
This is a Public Service Announcement (PSA) from the "good, God-Fearing folks" at EAT IT THE PRESS-DO NOT READ IT!
Send all complaints to that POS in the WH, if he wasn't there, we would not have to do this!