The Presidents of the U.S. in Order of Hotness
IN ORDER OF HOTNESS
Here he isthe hottest American president! Youre probably thinking Wow!Where has Franklin Pierce been all my life? The answer is that he died in 1869.
Without James K. Polk, we wouldnt have the state of Oregon. Thanks for nothing, James K. Polk!
Finally, someone youve heard of!
You might be familiar with Thomas Jefferson if youve ever seen a nickel and then fallen in love with the mysterious stranger whose profile is engraved on its surface, perhaps taking one out of your pocket every few minutes to give it gentle kisses.
Someone tried to assassinate Teddy Roosevelt by shooting him in the chest, but he survived because his CHEST WAS TOO HEAVILY MUSCLED FOR THE BULLET TO GET THROUGH. Then he went on to give a scheduled campaign speech. And nothing is sexier than a man giving a speech while covered in blood.
Ulysses S. Grant is not even pretending to care that someone is taking his photo right now. Hot!
I know some people will disagree with me here, so I am going to lay itallout for you.
Playing basketball = hot.
Smoking cigarettes = hot.
Caring about you so much that he reads your email = hot.
If you think youre in love now, wait until you see him in a fancy hat !
If you want a date that will live in infamy, then make a date with this man. Just keep your wits about youif he offers you a New Deal, he may just be trying to pack your Supreme Court, as the kids say.
Lets put politics aside for a moment and just admit that George W. Bush is a good-looking man and we all have huge crushes on him!!!
Woodrow Wilson is like that stern professor you had a crush on in college until he left his academic career to run for president, so you dropped out and kept showing up at his house in the middle of the night until the Secret Service arrested you.
Warren G. Harding looks like that eagle from the Muppets who does the news . AndIm just going to come out and say itI find that eagle very attractive.
Congratulations, President Jacksonyouve won the prize for Best Hair! Please accept this trophy shaped like your hair.
Ronald Reagan is at a disadvantage in this competition, because he wasnt elected until he was almost 70. And still, he was a pretty handsome 70-year-old man! Which is more than Andrew Jackson could say.
Here is a man whose appearance would be radically improved with the simple addition of a neck tattoo.
I deliberately cropped this photo so that we could all experience the feeling of being uncomfortably close to Bill Clintons face.
This is why they called it the Era of Good Feelings! *Respectful wolf whistle*
Im just going to come out and say it: I find James Buchanan really attractive. There. Now there are no secrets between you and I.
I look at Rutherford B. Hayes, and all I see is beard. So I just tried to rank him based on his beard. (His beard is great!)
Meh. This beard is nothing special.
Calvin Coolidge, or Silent Cal, was known for his trademark pick-up line in which he would stare at you without speaking until you agreed to go out with him.
George Washington was one the the best dancers in the 13 colonies. He was also one of the largest landholders. I suspect his reputation for being a ladies man had more to do with the latter.
You fly a fighter off aircraft carriers in WWII, you win the Cold War against the Sovietsand your thanks is that some snotty website ranks you the 23rd hottest U.S. president. Thats democracy for you.
Whats not to love about a corrupt bad boy who plays by his own rules? Hes like the James Dean of presidents!
Is this a photo of former U.S. president Herbert Hoover or celebrated filmmaker Orson Welles ? Trick question! They are the same person. Herbert Hoovers entire presidency was a War-of-the-Worlds-style hoax that, unfortunately, went over the heads of the gullible American people as well as several generations of historians.
James Madison wrote the Constitution, and then for 49 years he wouldnt shut up about it.
Does anyone else think its suspicious that Millard Fillmore and Alec Baldwin have never been seen in the same room together?
Before cabinet meetings, President Eisenhower used to insist that each and every member of his cabinet come and kiss his bald head for luck.
This is Andrew Johnsons resting bitch face.
Unlike most people, William McKinley had four eyebrows!
PUT ANOTHER PLATE IN THE DAGUERREOTYPE. THIS TIME, I WANT TO LOOK MORE EVIL.
More evil, Mr. President? Because you already look pretty evil here.
THAT IS NOTHING. I CAN LOOK QUITE EVIL IF I WANT TO!
Jimmy Carter looks a lot happier than all of these other presidents. (He looks exactly as happy as the average peanut farmer.)
Wake up, President Van Buren! Its time to pose for your portrait!
Huh? What? OK, go aheadIm ready.
Do you want me to give you a minute to, uh, comb your sideburns?
No.
If I were a big fat guy, I would grow a walrus mustache, too. Way to own it, Taft!
35.Zachary Taylor Zachary Taylor looks like hes been through a lot.
36.Gerald Ford WHY DIDNT WE ELECT GERALD FORD WHEN HE WAS A TEENAGER YOU GUYS?????? WE NEED TO START SURVEYING HIGH SCHOOLS FOR POTENTIAL PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES SO WE DONT MAKE THIS MISTAKE AGAIN.
37.Lyndon B. Johnson If you have a crush on Lyndon B. Johnson, then you are going to love this photo of his gall bladder scar !
Mary Todd Lincoln once said of her husband, his heart is as large as his arms are long. Yikes!
You know the rattling sound thats coming from your window late at night? Thats John Tyler, fresh from the swamp.
One of these nights, hes going to figure out how to work a window latch.
40.Grover Cleveland Grover Cleveland served two nonconsecutive terms, because America just needed a break.
41.William Henry Harrison The next time youre talking to a stranger at a cocktail party, try telling them about how William Henry Harrison was only president for only 32 days. If they start to look bored, tell them you murdered a drifter and made it look like an accident. The subtle art of conversation!
42.Chester A. Arthur You cant tell in this photo, but those muttonchops keep going for another two feet.
43.John Adams And here we are. Sorry, John Adams! If its any consolation, I bet youll do great on our next list, in which we rank the presidents alphabetically by last name.
http://hottestheadsofstate.com/us-presidents/
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Some of the explanations as you go down the list are quite funny.
Probably easier for R.B. Hayes than these women eating spaghetti
Funny! Thanks for the bit of humor!