Feds in Unmarked Van Looking for Suspicious Characters Pick Up Jared Kushner | The New Yorker

  

Category:  News & Politics

Via:  jbb  •  2 weeks ago  •  10 comments

By:   Andy Borowitz (The New Yorker)

Feds in Unmarked Van Looking for Suspicious Characters Pick Up Jared Kushner | The New Yorker
He checked all the boxes for suspicious," one of the agents said. "He definitely didn't look like someone who should be anywhere near the White House.

It's about time...


S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



By Andy Borowitz

July 21, 2020 Photograph by Olivier Douliery / AFP / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what the Department of Homeland Security is calling "an unfortunate incident," federal agents in an unmarked van who were looking for suspicious characters snatched Jared Kushner off the street.

According to the agents, the van was patrolling the vicinity of the White House when they spotted a "shifty-eyed male" who "didn't look right."

"He checked all the boxes for suspicious," one of the agents said. "He definitely didn't look like someone who should be anywhere near the White House."

Despite the protests of a screaming Kushner, the agents loaded him into the van and sped away to an undisclosed location.

According to White House sources, Kushner was missing for several hours before anyone in the West Wing realized he was gone.

His disappearance was finally noticed late in the afternoon, when members of the White House coronavirus task force observed that their daily meeting had gone "more smoothly than usual."

Speaking to reporters about the Kushner incident, the acting head of the Department of Homeland Security, Chad Wolf, said that the practice of picking up random people on the street and putting them in unmarked vans is a "terrific idea," but acknowledged that it might need to be "tweaked."

"Our agents need to be given much more explicit guidance about who qualifies as a suspicious character, or Stephen Miller could be next," he said.


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JBB
1  seeder  JBB    2 weeks ago

"LOCK HIM UP"...

 
 
 
Krishna
2  Krishna    2 weeks ago

Feds In Unmarked Van Looking For Suspicious Characters Pick Up Jared Kushner

LOLOLOLOL!!!

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
3  Trout Giggles    2 weeks ago

I love the Borowitz Report

 
 
 
Kavika
4  Kavika     2 weeks ago

LOL, perfect.

 
 
 
Dean Moriarty
5  Dean Moriarty    2 weeks ago

Now he knows what it felt like to be one of Bloombergs stop and frisk victims. 

 
 
 
Tessylo
5.1  Tessylo  replied to  Dean Moriarty @5    2 weeks ago

Do you understand that The Borowitz Report is satire?

I don't think you do. 

 
 
 
Dean Moriarty
5.1.1  Dean Moriarty  replied to  Tessylo @5.1    2 weeks ago

Do you understand my comment is satire? jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
6  Trout Giggles    2 weeks ago

"Stephen Miller might be next"...hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
7  Sean Treacy    2 weeks ago

Deport him back to his home, the Democratic Party.. 

 
 
 
Gsquared
7.1  Gsquared  replied to  Sean Treacy @7    2 weeks ago

An arrogant slumlord who has failed at every task assigned to him since his failure of a father-in-law unfortunately became President?  Nah.  He definitely belongs in the Republican Party.  They can keep the little shit.

 
 
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