Aliens Issue Statement Asserting That Sex with Them Does Not Spread the Coronavirus

  

Category:  News & Politics

Via:  jbb  •  one week ago  •  7 comments

By:   Andy Borowitz (The New Yorker)

Aliens Issue Statement Asserting That Sex with Them Does Not Spread the Coronavirus
In this, as in all matters," the aliens wrote, "it's important to follow the science.

Trump cannot keep blaming everything on aliens...


S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



By Andy Borowitz

July 29, 2020 Photograph by Martina Badini / Shutterstock

OUTER SPACE (The Borowitz Report)—In a rare public statement by beings from another planet, a group of prominent aliens declared on Wednesday that having sex with them does not spread the coronavirus.

In the statement, which the aliens published on Medium, the space creatures expressed concern that the dissemination of pseudoscience about sex with demons and alien DNA might cause some Earthlings to erroneously conclude that intimate relations with aliens were in some way a health risk.

"We can assure you, based on years of research, that it is perfectly safe for Earthlings to have sex with aliens," the aliens wrote. "In this, as in all matters, it's important to follow the science."

The extraterrestrials added that the coronavirus pandemic had caused them to rethink their planned invasion of the planet Earth, which had been pencilled in for later this year.

The aliens indicated that they would now limit their invasion to places like Canada and New Zealand, but would avoid the United States.


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JBB
1  seeder  JBB    one week ago

Y'all ever feel like you are living in The Twilight Zone?

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
1.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  JBB @1    one week ago

You mean I'm not?

 
 
 
JBB
1.1.1  seeder  JBB  replied to  Trout Giggles @1.1    one week ago

Maybe you do. Maybe we all do...

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
1.1.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  JBB @1.1.1    one week ago

It would explain a lot....

 
 
 
Ozzwald
1.2  Ozzwald  replied to  JBB @1    one week ago
Y'all ever feel like you are living in The Twilight Zone?

Any news yet from the demon sperm party?

 
 
 
Adam_Selene
2  Adam_Selene    one week ago

Thank goodness you've finally stopped seeding satire.

 
 
 
Ender
3  Ender    one week ago

They just want to be able to continue probing.

 
 
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