Aliens Issue Statement Asserting That Sex with Them Does Not Spread the Coronavirus
Category: News & PoliticsVia: jbb • one week ago • 7 comments
By: Andy Borowitz (The New Yorker)
Trump cannot keep blaming everything on aliens...
By Andy Borowitz
July 29, 2020 Photograph by Martina Badini / Shutterstock
OUTER SPACE (The Borowitz Report)—In a rare public statement by beings from another planet, a group of prominent aliens declared on Wednesday that having sex with them does not spread the coronavirus.
In the statement, which the aliens published on Medium, the space creatures expressed concern that the dissemination of pseudoscience about sex with demons and alien DNA might cause some Earthlings to erroneously conclude that intimate relations with aliens were in some way a health risk.
"We can assure you, based on years of research, that it is perfectly safe for Earthlings to have sex with aliens," the aliens wrote. "In this, as in all matters, it's important to follow the science."
The extraterrestrials added that the coronavirus pandemic had caused them to rethink their planned invasion of the planet Earth, which had been pencilled in for later this year.
The aliens indicated that they would now limit their invasion to places like Canada and New Zealand, but would avoid the United States.