Trump Warns That Biden Presidency Would Mean Regular Mail Service and Sports | The New Yorker
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
By Andy Borowitz
August 27, 2020 Photograph by Win McNamee / Getty
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an apocalyptic vision of life under his Democratic rival, Donald Trump will warn on Thursday night that a Biden Presidency would mean regular mail service and sports.
An advance copy of Trump's final R.N.C. speech reveals that Trump will paint an ominous picture of a nation living under the tyranny of uninterrupted postal delivery and athletic events.
"Joe Biden and his left-wing puppet masters will take whatever measures they deem necessary to insure that the mail is delivered in a timely fashion," he will warn. "Biden and his radical henchwomen, Nancy Pelosi and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, will stop at nothing to make that nightmare a reality."
Additionally, Trump will charge, "If Joe Biden is allowed to wipe out the pandemic and institute police reforms, professional sports will be played like never before."
"No city will be safe from sports," he will add.
Trump will end his relentlessly downbeat speech on a note of optimism, however. "Only one thing can protect America from the sinister threat of mail and sports," he will declare. "Me."
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Is this intended to be satire?
The USPS has remained uninterrupted, and some sports jocks have walked off the job
Considering it is written by a well known satirist, probably.
You seem a little dour today Greg. Worried about trump?
Uninterrupted perhaps but delivery times for some types of mail have been extended.
I doubt if the players walked off the job. They can probably afford drivers.
Well, crap!
I guess I'll have to pay my bills and lose Mr Giggles to the hockey season
Amazon, FedEx, and UPS thank Biden for his guarantee that their delivery timeliness will be protected at tax payer expense.
"WHOOSH"...
????
I almost always have to pay shipping for anything that comes to my door, that includes USPS, FedEx, and UPS. Not so much Amazon since I'm a prime member
Ha! Certainly not beyond the realm of possibility.
Democrats have chosen to play Trump's game, after all.