The Bird Dropping Institute - A Think/Stink Tank for Morons!
As many of my dear readers, and illiterate friends, know, as CEO & FLOUNDER of the Bird Droppings Institute, located in lovely, but nearly all torn down Mildew, Ohio, where there are no jobs, not even "Blow Jobs", since Re-Puritans flooded to town with their religious "intolerance" insisting that the colony must become a "National Christian Country", upon penalty of death.
Since most of us were congenital "Whoosh's," we gave in, and instantly fell to the position we knew best, "our knees", without so much as a whimper, or sneeze!
Re-Puritans, at that horrific time, was led by the "Hag", Margorie Taylor Green, (herself a "Hor") forced the leadership of our community, "Litter, Lipschitz, and Barking Dog" caved even before we did. They heard it on their string-telephone lines, that the "Maga-Looney-Tics" were coming to town, literally, "coming".
What nasty cluster-Fugazzi's of More-Roons, these religious extremists were then, and to this day: "Extreme and Fugly!", as Benjamin Franklin used to say quietly in taverns, he visited after a long day setting type by hand.
The first thing these Right-Wing, Conservative Evil-gent-ti-cal Ma-goons did, when they invaded Mildew in 2018, was shut down our "Cork Sacking" factory, thereby, putting everyone in the town out of a job.
What these "Block Headed Maroons" did not know, or care to learn, was back in the colonial days, everyone, in Mildew, was an expert "Cork Sacker"!
We were considered "professional" Cork Sackers. Why, Brothers & Sistas of the Libertarian persuasion, folks from all 13 colonies, and a few aliens from space, traveled to Mildew, Oh-High-Ho, "high as a kite", thanks to Benjamin's invention, giggling all the way to our lovely town adjacent to the country Waste Treatment plant.
Oh, those were the days, those smelly old days of yore! Before MAGA-Looney Tunes migrated to America from Europe due to Pope Toilet's Edict, "Get the Hell Out, Assholes," or, words not remotely close to those.
Mildew-vians have big roots, that they can trace back to George Washington's Pappy, "Snappy," who rode upside down, and backward to our mud huts on his horse, that he nicknamed, "Cork Sacker", in honor of our community of Cork Sackers, just to get his annual "Cork Sacked".
Why, Brothers and Sistas and Twisted Marys, of the Corn Hole Degeneration, "Sacking Corks" was our thing. We were born that way, our flounder, Jonathan Livingston Queen, the town's Crier screamed out nightly, in his see-through, black laced, night-gown, and stiffly starched, stocking cap.
We were, my far, and low, the best "Cork Sackers" in the colonies, except for those fancy pantaloons in Paris, France, who paraded around indiscreetly and waved their limp wrists at the cheering crowd.
You see, "Corn Hollers", our forefathers migrated to Mildew from France, attracted by the Mildew's "licentious and libertarian practice. Besides, France was known for it, "Libertarian Ways", as well.
Sacking Corks was the only thing we were good at, that and playing "Corn Hole". We loved Corn Holing.
Colonists and Indian came from all over to get their "Cork Sacked". It was big business, and we became prosperous. Just like Trump's Grandfather did when he came to America and got rich providing a similar service to Gold Miners.
Friends, Fellow NewsTalkers.com Fiends, it's like this: Mildew, Oh-Ho-Ho has sacking corks ties all the way back to our "Floundering Fathers" in1776.
When the Revolution with England ignited, the Continental Congress, or, some organization with a name similar to that, ordered our little Village of Idiots to help our fledging country defeat the Roman Empire. So, we did.
(Don't believe it?
Watch the "Curse of Oak Island", and "curse" at it! You'll learn about the Roman influence in the Americas.)
You see, my Fellow News Snackers.com fans, Mildew, back in the day, was a prosperous community where everyone worked at the Cork Sacking Factory, even the candlestick makers, the undertakers, and "bet takers". (Yes, we loved to gamble, back then, and even to this day. That is why we are broke, not "woke"... just b r o k e!
But, once upon a time, we were prosperous.
Why, fellow fiends, we even had our own "startup business", a "Knee Pad Factory" that made extra money for our citizens, so they could toss it away on rigged bets.
Every "Cork sacker", the world over, knows the pain of being on your knees can be brutal.
So, my great, great, great pappy, "Snappy", a leather man, came up with the idea of starting our own Knee Pad Mercantile business.
We even considered renaming our town, "Cork Sackers," but that was before those Right-Wing, Evil-Genital Re-Puritans can to town and preached every dang-gone day about how Evil it was and got it all tangled up with Sodom and Corundom Cheese, convincing everyone that we were all going to HELL, and, they were going to take us there, by "Hell or High Waters", so our congenital DNA "Whoosh" sequence kicked in and we bowed over to the hoarding, whoring lot of wicked, Maga Re-Puritans let by the "Great Ugly Hag, MTG."
TO BE CONTINUED:
(As soon as I get my tetanus shot).
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Sometime, in a flash it all comes to me. Does it do that to you, too? This new medicine is really working!
Some pills make you larger and some pills make you small.
Go ask Alice. She's ten feet tall...
Once had a back-stage thingy with Grace back when we were kids.
Saw her 30 years later playing with her new starship band and she blew me a kiss.
Starship toured a lot. I saw them three times in two years in the mid 1970s...
Used to be a musician and pot dealer to the stars.
Realized a long time ago that famous folk are no different than you and I.
I had tickets to see Starship as the closing act to an all day concert in Germany at the outdoor amphitheatre at Loreley, Germany in 1978. Grace was drunk and the band was a no-show. When the producers announced that the show was over, the crowd rioters and stole the Starship equipment, instruments, amps, speakers, mikes ect. that were on stage. I still have headphones with a mike from the mixing table. After the theft, the crowd burned the stage.
Sounds like a plan. Sell those on ebay, and you could have enough to join
"The Bird Droppings Institute - A Think Tank for Morons, No Idiots, please."
I was a failed comedian, and, a failed drug dealer. Failing has always been my forte.
Well, I take 300 kinds of pills per day. If I ain't "Doctored," no one is. That is why my friends, fans and worshiper refer to me as Professor Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, "Doctored", CEO & Flounder of the "Not Right in the Head", butt, "Left in the Head," momma always said, and, I, too, was doing Grace...Grace from "Grace & Allan" radio show.
When I was in Hollywood in 1968, I wrote a monologue for Richard Pryor. He still owes me $500.00! How much is that with interest?
I got Paul Mooney his first comedy gig in Vegas. The producers liked him so much, they gave him my spot and downgraded me to stage manager.
I had no idea what a "stage manager" did. So, I did nothing. The show, "Sock It to Me, 69", closed due to "poor stage-management," after only a week.
Stan Drebin was the producer, who, until his last day, had it in for me...and not in a nice way.
After my buddy, Jim Nuckels, and I performed at the Red Foxx Club to an audience of four people, who I later found out that they were the "Four Tops".
When we finished our set, the leader of the Top said, "I dig your stuff!"
"Really," I replied, "why didn't you guys laugh"?
"Black people don't laugh. It damages our 'tough guy' image. But we dug it. Didn't you see us bob our heads?"
"Yes, I did. Well, I took it to mean that you four will going to crush every bone in our white body, that is why we raced through the set in 'rapid, machine-gun fire' and ran off the stage as if our pants were on fire."
"Yeah, White Boy, it smelled like that, too." I had no idea what he meant by that, so we immediately raced to the Men's room. Redd Foxx said we were in there for six days.
Comedians exaggerate. It was only 3 days.
After my first sale, I heard a police siren, panic and swallow six quaaludes. I was stoned for 21 days...21 days of paradise. It ended both of my careers.
No, I did not call you! You are a Robo Caller trying to constantly sell people "Hogwash", at an extremely high price. I am on the "Do Not Call List". Please, stop calling Satan, I am busy.
I think you were trying to reach DeSantis. He is in Fla.
What to join "The Bird Dropping Institute-A Think/Stink for Morons, No Idiots, please"?
Simply send $8,000,000 in small bills to the Institute, and we will review your application to determine your eligibility to become a member in our "Less than Prestigious" Stink, er Think Tank.
No checks, please! (Cash Only)
Cash? Get in early! Invest in ShitCoin today...
I am financially questionable these days. Can I buy in with valuable confederate dollars?
How long has your family been holding on to this currency?
Sinking awfully low for a lameass dig...
Absolutely, Confederate dollars, Monopoly Money, firecrackers, anything of marginal value. The more marginal, the more valuable.
When Wall Street dips, we Dips rise from the ashes of a MAGA Train Wreck and soar...or get sore, if it goes the other way.
Join the Bird Dropping Institute, a Nonsense Non-Profit for Profits, % of Mildew, Oh-High-Hos. The world is coming to an END, why hang on to your dough. We take dough, flower, wheat bags and cardinal dogs.
When I was a child, I "spake" as a child. When I became an adult, I continued to "spake" as a child. Why change a good thing?
It is a yoke. Nothing said here, remains here. It goes immediately into the ether.
Don't suck, blow!
Got E-Coli? Yokes Do...
No, I prefer "COVID on the Rocks", but, when I drink, I just love tossing my cookies on suspected "Re-Puritans" MAGA-Loooons.
When the Devil bites you in the ARSE, don't bite back.
Some have accused me of prevaricating. Hell, I don't even know what that means. I suspect it refers to something sexual.