The Most Annoying Damn Posts on Social Media
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
I’ve been on social media for 20 years. I started posting on MySpace in 2006, as a local real estate agent trying to increase my circle of influence. At first, I felt posting inspirational quotes and memes was the way to go. That got pretty damn boring quickly.
I had an adorable baby girl, but you can only post so many pics of your child. Switching gears toward posting funny status updates and memes got me a large following. I had over 18,000 followers on Myspace and then close to 5000 on Facebook.
I’ve seen a LOT of posts over the years on social media. I still enjoy pics of puppies and kitties. I love funny memes. Cute kid pics of their first day of school, graduation, etc. I love hearing about people getting promotions, working toward goals, and supporting social justice.
However, there’s a flip side. There are things I’ve seen SO MANY TIMES, it’s become cringeworthy. I shudder every time I see posts about the following things and throw up a little in my mouth. Here are the types of social media posts that drive me fucking crazy.
Duck-Faced Selfies
This has to be one of the oldest ones out there. I can remember seeing duck-face poses way back on MySpace. There is nothing cute or sexy about these poses. This is so 2006; let it die a respectful, quiet death, already.
It’s pretty funny that young girls still use this one.
It’s been used so long that daughters could go back to their mother’s old social media posts and see that Mom was doing this before they were. I’d never want to repeat some trend my parents used back in the day. That would have made me feel like a dick-smack.
Real Estate Agents Talking About How “Blessed” They Are
Jesus Murphy. Takes one to know one, I guess. I was a licensed real estate agent for 20 years. Do you know how many times I’ve said I was “blessed” on social media? Zero. Nobody wants to hear that shit.
Especially in an over-inflated, overpriced real estate market where first-time buyers can’t afford to buy a home unless they go in with two or three friends on the same property. The entitlement of some agents is obvious and on full display.
This goes double if you’re posting about your new Range Rover, a cabin in a nearby resort town, or a fancy new speedboat. The Average Joe doesn’t give a shit how wonderful you have it when so many struggle just to make rent. Nobody likes a show-off. Especially in an industry that is more about looks and popularity than actual talent.
Be humble instead of publicly “blessed.”
Bashing Your Ex on Social Media Posts
If I had a dollar for all the baby mama/baby daddy bashing posts I’ve seen in 20 years, I could catch up ANYONE’S child support. Your children are sadly being affected by all this negativity and likely may see these posts someday when they’re teenagers or more grown-up.
Take ownership of the situation. Realize that you created this wonderful child with the person you are bashing. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and realize how hurtful it would be to read something horrific about the other parent they love. Especially if it’s posted by another parent they love.
That’s psychotic. And tragically, it happens all of the time.
Have some class and take the higher road. Even if the things you’re putting out there for the world to see are true, be the bigger person for your child that you love. And for Christ’s sake, if you can’t stop making these posts, at least SPELL the damn shit right.
Anyone Talking About How “All Lives Matter”
If you are bothered by the Black Lives Matter movement to the point where you’re considering posting that “All Lives Matter”, don’t. It’s disgusting to minimize a legitimate social justice movement that helps victims of police brutality, just to ease the guilt you may feel about past or present racism in your life.
The statement that all lives matter is absolutely true. But has nothing to do with the BLM movement. And the need for help regarding the unacceptable practices of police profiling African American people for crime, and the murder of innocent black citizens. Not to mention all of the evil fuckery that ICE is doing to minorities right now.
Keep that statement to yourself and be an ally for change, not an opponent to progress and social justice.
A Hunting Pic of Someone Holding Up a Dead Animal By the Head
This is yet another popular one in my home state of Idaho. Some insecure, camo-wearing, cheesy-looking, dumbass with a shit-eating grin on his face, holding up a dead animal that’s bleeding out of its nose, mouth, or head.
Hunting is NOT a sport. You are not a “real man” for shooting a poor defenseless animal living in THEIR habitat, enjoying its day, living its life, and then suddenly taking a bullet to the head, chest, lung, or heart. To enjoy that as a “sport” is disgusting.
Not gonna lie, I enjoy hearing about an animal taking out a hunter. That happened in South Africa a while back. And it made me smile.
If you’re killing these defenseless creatures to feed your family, fine. But don’t dishonor their deaths by posting your stupid face grinning while holding their dead carcass in front of a camera. Nobody besides other douchebags is impressed by pictures like this.
Pictures of Your Bloody, Horrible Injury
You slashed your thumb opening a soup can. You dropped a giant bottle of shampoo on your toe, and now it’s as purple as Barney’s ass. Your surgery scars are on par with Frankenstein’s head.
Spoiler alert: We don’t want to see it.
Tell us if you’re going through some shit. I have thoughts and prayers locked and loaded, ready to shoot your way. I just don’t need to see the nasty injuries up close and personal. Blood, bone, muscle, not for me.
Photos of Your Gun Collection
Nothing screams, “I am very fearful and insecure!” more than a pic of your entire arsenal of weapons. You buy a new one, and you’re excited about it? Cool. Posting more than one weapon in a single social media pic? Only makes me wonder if you’re thinking of joining QAnon and theorizing why Waco and Ruby Ridge went south.
Facemasks, body armor, swords that you bought at the flea market, I’m not impressed by any of them. None of these items are going to stop a tank, missiles, bombs, or an actual trained militia if the government (ours or foreign) decides they want to eradicate you.
Stop jerking off to your starter set arsenal, Rambo. This isn’t fucking Hollywood or Vietnam.
Pics of any Vegan, Gluten-Free Meal
Breakfast with herbs? No, it looks like you left your kitchen window open while your neighbor was mowing their lawn.
I love food pics on social media. Post your breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Cocktails. Glasses of wine. A pic of your drunk uncle shotgunning a beer. Just don’t post your healthy food. It’s boring and doesn’t taste good.
I don’t care if your shit is gluten-free. Your carob-chip cookies can go to hell. If I see a plate of cauliflower waffles come across my feed, it’s an instant block.
Life is short. Eat the sugary, fat-filled food, already. And post pics of it. And pics of you getting fatter, I can respect that. Live your best life, gorge like nobility. As Queen once said, “Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin’ world go round…”
So, Mr. or Miss Social Media Poster…
Ultimately, the choice is yours. Your page or account is yours to do with as you see fit. I just wanted to offer the perspective of one of your many followers as we’re watching this train wreck on par with the one on The Fugitive.
Them: “I didn’t kill my social media account!”
Me: “I don’t care!”
Perhaps I’ve done a few of these during my 20 years of posting on social media that drove other people nuts. I guess we have the right to post what we want and annoy whoever we feel like annoying. I’m sure you all have things you see in your online travels besides these that make you want to lose your shit.
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I have a friend who is a musician and he has about a dozen guitars. He has bought guitars that he doesnt need at all and his wife reminds him of that fact. But he doesnt line his guitars up on the couch next to him and take photos with them.