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Rand Paul Thanks Tom Cotton for Replacing Him as Most Hated Person in Senate

  
Via:  Trout Giggles  •  4 years ago  •  6 comments

By:   Andy Borowitz (The New Yorker)

Rand Paul Thanks Tom Cotton for Replacing Him as Most Hated Person in Senate
According to Senate insiders, Cotton beat out a daunting field of competitors.

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By Andy Borowitz

July 27, 2020 Borowitz-TomCotton.jpg Photograph by Bill Clark / CQ Roll Call / AP

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it the "passing of the baton," Senator Rand Paul on Monday thanked Senator Tom Cotton for replacing him as the most hated person in the United States Senate.

Paul expressed surprise and no small amount of admiration at Cotton's feat, telling reporters that being ousted from the most-detested perch was "something that, quite frankly, I didn't see coming."

"When I started attacking Dr. Fauci, I pretty much thought I had the title sewn up," Paul said. "What I didn't count on was that someone like Tom was going to come out of nowhere, saying slavery was necessary."

According to Senate insiders, Cotton beat out a daunting field of competitors for Senator Paul's crown, including Mitch McConnell, Susan Collins, and Ted Cruz.

While he praised Cotton's audacity in snatching the most-loathed mantle, Paul warned that keeping the title for the long haul is another challenge altogether.

"Becoming despised is easy—staying despised is what separates the men from the boys," Paul said. "Having said that, I firmly believe that Tom Cotton has what it takes."


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Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
1  seeder  Trout Giggles    4 years ago
 Paul expressed surprise and no small amount of admiration at Cotton's feat, telling reporters that being ousted from the most-detested perch was "something that, quite frankly, I didn't see coming." "When I started attacking Dr. Fauci, I pretty much thought I had the title sewn up," Paul said. "What I didn't count on was that someone like Tom was going to come out of nowhere, saying slavery was necessary."

And Cotton comes to the podium to thank his family and his supporters without whom none of this would be possible

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
1.1  devangelical  replied to  Trout Giggles @1    4 years ago

they're both sheet wearing morons...

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
2  Ender    4 years ago

Hard to win the title. I mean, there is quite a few in contention.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
3  Kavika     4 years ago

Bless his heart.

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
3.1  devangelical  replied to  Kavika @3    4 years ago

both of those clowns are assholes

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
4  devangelical    4 years ago

be nice if rand paul's other neighbors would kick his ass

 
 

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