Uncle Bruce

I'm a Submariner...Of course I'm an Asshole!

By:  Uncle Bruce  •  Current Events  •  4 months ago  •  23 comments

I'm a Submariner...Of course I'm an Asshole!

At the hospital having blood drawn. New records system didn't propagate my records, so they have to ask all the health questions again.
Nurse: Do you drink alcohol?
Me: I'm a Sub Sailor. Of course I do.
Nurse: How much do you drink? 2 or more a day?
Me: When ever I can.
Nurse: Do you have feelings of hurting yourself, or hurting others?
Me: Yeah, every snowflake liberal I meet I want to treat like a glow stick, snap them and shake them until the light comes on.
Nurse: Do you have trouble standing or walking?
Me: Only when I drink.
Nurse: Are you in any pain right now.
Me: Well, I haven't started drinking yet, so yeah...
Nurse: We're done with the questions.
Me: Good, let's get this blood drawn so I can have a beer.


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charger 383
1  charger 383    4 months ago

Uncle Bruce is setting them straight again

1.1  Ed-NavDoc  replied to  charger 383 @1    4 months ago

As a U.S. Navy Hospital Corpsman, I was offered the chance to attend the Navy's Nuclear Submarine Medicine School. I told my leading Chief Petty Officer that I had to decline it for two resons. One was that I was claustrophobic and two was that I just could not get used to the idea of being on a boat that sank on purpose. He looked at me and smiled and said, "The sinking is not the problem, it's the coming back up that is.".

1.1.1  Ed-NavDoc  replied to  Ed-NavDoc @1.1    4 months ago

I forgot to mention above that my leading Chief was also a submarine who a total jerk and had no respect for anyone that refused sub duty...

Freedom Warrior
1.2  Freedom Warrior  replied to  charger 383 @1    4 months ago

Asshole -  It's not just a body part.   It's a lifestyle I'm proud to say.

Hal A. Lujah
2  Hal A. Lujah    4 months ago

My stepson is a submariner.  Turns out he is a giant asshole, just like his brother who happens to be my other daughter’s baby daddy.  It’s true - society benefits when you all are hundreds of feet below the surface of the ocean.

Hal A. Lujah
2.1  Hal A. Lujah  replied to  Hal A. Lujah @2    4 months ago

Correction - son in law, not step son.

Sparty On
3  Sparty On    4 months ago

I don’t know.    

Have a nephew who’s an officer on the USS Colorado and is a great guy.

Maybe it’s an enlisted thing ...... 😉

4  cjcold    4 months ago

As a watchaholic have to ask what is the most popular watch among actual submariners?

Can't imagine most could afford the Rolex but the Luminox is fairly affordable.

4.1  XDm9mm  replied to  cjcold @4    4 months ago

Maybe the Omega Speedmaster.

But what difference does it really make?   Night is day and day is night when you're a few hundred feet under the surface.

5  JBB    4 months ago

I doubt healthcare providers find alcohol fueled elder rage profound or funny.

Nobody ever wanted to listen to angry olde men complain about the government at the VA hospital where I used to volunteer. My dog Daphne was a VA Certified Therapy Animal. That didn't stop some of the worst dementia cases from continually cussing and bitching and complaining about Obama and the Democrats and the government. Plus, lots of racist shit, of course. You would think they would realize the people spoon feeding them, bathing them and wiping their rank asses all worked for the government butt...no. At least they were not allowed to drink...

Sparty On
5.1  Sparty On  replied to  JBB @5    4 months ago

I’m sure they are equally unimpressed with tight-asses who have no sense of humor.

5.1.1  JBB  replied to  Sparty On @5.1    4 months ago

That's funny /s...

Sparty On
5.1.2  Sparty On  replied to  JBB @5.1.1    4 months ago

Yeah it would be if it wasn't so true ....

Uncle Bruce
5.2  author  Uncle Bruce  replied to  JBB @5    4 months ago

It's funny.  The nurses laughed.  Get over it.

5.2.1  XDm9mm  replied to  Uncle Bruce @5.2    4 months ago
It's funny. 

Some people simply can't laugh at anything in life.  

I already copied it and sent it on to friends and family for a good morning laugh!!


5.2.2  Texan1211  replied to  XDm9mm @5.2.1    4 months ago
Some people simply can't laugh at anything in life.

You have to remember that some of these humor-challenged folks actually take people like AOC seriously.

And I don't care who you are, that shit is freaking hilarious!

†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
5.2.3  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Uncle Bruce @5.2    4 months ago

But Russia 

I recently had my liver checked and the DR asked why I was so concerned and I told her I drink 107 proof bourbon. She said well you can always switch to weed.

Turns out my liver is healthy despite my propensity for small batch bourbons.

Don Overton
5.2.4  Don Overton  replied to  Uncle Bruce @5.2    4 months ago

Time you got over yourself can you still fit through a hatch

5.2.5  devangelical  replied to  Don Overton @5.2.4    4 months ago

cargo hatch

†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
5.2.6  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Don Overton @5.2.4    4 months ago

Everyone should take fitness advice from Don.


Sparty On
5.2.7  Sparty On  replied to  devangelical @5.2.5    4 months ago

Or in your case .... a Booby Hatch ....

Sparty On
5.2.8  Sparty On  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @5.2.6    4 months ago

I take my fitness advise from booze and bad choices ....

Perrie Halpern R.A.
6  Perrie Halpern R.A.    4 months ago

OK, back on track...

Bruce, there is no doubt your a Submariner, and of course an asshole. 

The bigger question is who would want your blood? I think there might be enough alcohol in it to make people drunk for about a week.