Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo,

The Unholy Marriage of Gay Bashing Evangelical, Born Again, Red Neck, Backwoods Religion & Their Intellectually Challenged Tea Re-Puritan Party

  
By:  Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo,  •   •  10 years ago  •  1 comments

The Unholy Marriage of Gay Bashing Evangelical, Born Again, Red Neck, Backwoods Religion & Their Intellectually Challenged Tea Re-Puritan Party

www.The Unholy Alliance The UnHoly Marriage of Gay Bashing Evangelical, Born Again, Backwoods Religion And The Intellectually Challenged Tea Re-Puritans!

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"W" America First Retarded President. "Is that whip cream or pigeon poo on my head"?

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If you have ever wondered, "Why is America fast becoming a sh*& hole ?", while you were answering nature's call, yourself.

Well, White folks, I can answer that fer you. Don't strain your prettybutt no more.

You see, Amerika, went to Hell, when "W", Americas first retarded president, actively solicited the support of Southern Baptists, Evangelical, Born-Again, Backwoods, Old Timey Religion churches to help his father, H.W. ("Read My Lips") Bush, run for a second term as president.

If you're not drunk, or, sill on pain killers, you may recall that "H. W." was getting his small white "balls" handed to him on a "Silver Platter" by the "silver tongue Southern Fox"; that silver haired wonder from Arkansas, who could charm a snake out of her skin with his C & W sounding drawl, warm smile, and, that sexytwinkle in his eye that seem to say: "I feel your pain and would like to feel it closer."

Well, Earl, women folks were hot for Bill Clinton. It didn't hurt that he was tall, good lurching material, too. Billliked women, all kinds, and, they knew it.It drew them to him and vice a verse.

In truth, no ones knows whatClinton "campaigned" on, but, everyone came away from Clinton's Presidential Rallies and Bar B Q's, "liken' that son of a bitch".

Clintonplayed the sax, too, and, was a former governor from somewhere in the South, Arkansas, maybe,and, hehad been elected six times, not for anything he accomplished, but, because he was a "good looking, charming, good old country boy with a slow drawl."

On the other hand, H. W. George Bush, "W" father, was so boring he had twoextra initials in his name; looked like an over worked accountant and talked "nasty".H. W.wanted peoples to, "Readmy lips". What kind of a real man does a thing like that? How disgusting is that to "ax" a nation of out of work white folks?

H. W.must of been some kind of freak, "Read My Lips"! How about, "Read My Ass on your way out of the Whitehouse," the nation responded.

Well, Earl, are you awake, or, jestdrunk again? Wake up, Earl Howard,this is the important part!

You see, folks,H. W.'s poll numbers where in the toilet, and, he was in there a lot, too, throwing up like a "sissy" because when he went to China to negotiate with the "Japs", those "chinks"screwed him so badly that America lost all of her factories and Georgie Porgie got sick from a tainted Chinese dish, passed out face first in his Lo Mein.

Now, Brothers and Sisters of the Corn Hole generation, that was humiliating enough, but, what was worst is that he was "ousted" with his long time mistress, Shesa Homely , who was not very attractive. She was a bone thinrazor ax. But, better looking than his wife, Barbara-Wall-Waa! Now I ax you who names their kid that, anymore, "Barbara"? Worsewho in this wild-world would "do" that woman, I ax you man to man?

Americans are a forgiving people, but, they draw the line at an unattractive mistress. "What the point of having another sack of potatoes if'n they all look the same", is whatthe boys used to say sittin' around the old Feed & Calcified Conservative Seed store, while we spit tobacco on the floor, back in the good old days, before the EPA outlawed it.

Anyway, "W", the retarded one in the family, had been a drunk for 45 years, then, one night saw a velvet painting of Jesus andin a flash sobered up.

Hysterians say that "W" had an epiphany, then, and there,in which herealized that he, "W", the failed business man; the former cheerleadercould earn his pappy, "Snappy's", admiration by helping"pappy" get "snappy" andget his white, pale ass re-elected.

"W" knew, cause he was one, that Evangelical Born-Again, Backwoods folks were just seething at all of the "sinning" going on in the countryand them not gettin' any, so, he figured that he could tap into their anger, and, after all, they are sheep, like "W",that follow their billionaire preacher man's every word, as if it were from the "lips of god to their ears", and do the preacher man's biddin' even sending him their rent money. So, hell, they would vote fer whoever the preacher man recommended. "God wants you to be a Conservative Republican. It's in the bible, somewhere", they railed.

So, "W" figured, because, he was lazy, that all he had to do was get a handful of televangelists to "testify in church" on his daddy's behalf,and that would be enough to get them "fired up" and send themroaring to the polls like true Christians knocking down any poorcreature that got in their way. If the spirit was with them, theycould end his "Pappy" back to the White House, and, possiblyGeorge into a paying job that he couldn't lose.

Well, it did not work out that way!

It seems thatH. W. George Bush, was a Harvard man, and, Earl,Harvard men don't stoop to scoop up the nation's most illiterate demographics, even if it meant winningthe presidential election.His dad said, "No, thank you, you dumbass drunk! I'll do find without your help.Stay out of it."

You guess it, the "sexy hound dog", from the South waltzed into the White House and found Monica Lewinsky's luscious lips and read them.

"W" learned his lesson, even though he was dyslexic, slow, and on the cusp of retarded. He knew his "pappy Snappy", made a fatal mistake and he vowed that he "won't do like wise", when his change came alone, and, he didn't.

"W"married the Evangelical,Born Again, Backwoods, Snake Handling, Holly-Rollers" in a big public wedding officiated over by Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Oral Roberts and BillyGraham's boy, the drunk one, that, like "W", come to Jesusone night after a fierce battle with the bottle, in which the bottle lost.

And, that is why America, today, our country, is run by so many religious dumbs fu&*s.

This is Wintrope Merridethe, The III, and I approved this message, although I have no idea what is it talkin' about.

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Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo,
Freshman Silent
link   author  Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo,    10 years ago

This article was removed from newsvine.com as offensive to Tea Re-Puritans. How is that possible that a group of low function gun totting, self-proclaimed, "patriots", could get offended by a nice, historical piece like the one above. It baffles me, then, again so does the whole Tea Party Government Shut Down approach to problem solving.