Speakerphone Etiquette: Must We All Hear That Call?
By: Lizzie Post (AARP)
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
The anonymous reader who asks the question below hits on my personal pet peeve: people using speakerphones in public. Whether they’re engaged in a phone conversation, watching an Instagram reel or listening to a podcast or music, when it’s being broadcast in an enclosed space, I want to throw the person’s phone in the garbage bin. To be clear: That would be rude. But I’m glad I’m not alone in my frustration.
I was taught that phone conversations were private matters, but now it seems common for people to broadcast theirs in public. When someone is talking on speakerphone near me in an enclosed space, such as a subway car or a waiting room, am I expected to tolerate it, or is there a courteous way to address the situation?
Let’s start off with the etiquette of the situation. No, you should not be using speakerphone in a public place. It’s rude to expose others to your entire phone conversation or whatever is entertaining you in that moment. A voice coming over a speaker has a grainier, more distracting quality than the voice of someone speaking near you in person, and can be especially grating to the ear. More likely than not, the person on the other end of the call hasn’t been asked whether or not they feel comfortable being on speakerphone in a public space.
Headphones are the easy solution here. Anytime you’re in an enclosed public space, wear your headphones if you want to listen to something or take a phone call. It’s considerate to the people around you.
As for whether you can ask someone to stop, you generally don’t want to go around policing others’ behavior, but if you're stuck on a long plane, train, or bus ride , for example, you shouldn’t be forced to suffer in silence. In those cases, if you can switch seats, do, but if you can’t, it’s fine to ask. How you ask will go a long way toward determining whether someone acquiesces to your request. Even when spoken to politely, some people do not respond well to strangers asking them to change their behavior.
A gentle and friendly “Pardon me, could you use headphones to watch/listen to that?” is probably your best bet. You’re not explaining at length why it should be done, and using the word “could” implies that you understand they might not have headphones to use.
If they reply that they don’t have headphones, you can still urge your request with something like, “Would you consider turning the volume off? The noise is quite distracting.” This is a harder ask. It’s a request to change the entertainment experience for others’ benefit, and it indicates that the current noise is problematic. But it’s still a reasonable request given the enclosed space.
If the material itself is offensive and a gentle, polite ask hasn’t gotten you anywhere, it’s OK to seek help from a conductor or a flight attendant. (Sorry, bus and subway riders, there usually isn’t an attendant who can help you.) But bear in mind, it might be quite noticeable that you went and got assistance with the issue. In most cases, people will quickly recognize they aren’t being considerate. But it’s worth noting that some might become defensive.
In certain instances, such as when someone is holding a speakerphone conversation in a grocery store checkout line, it’s best just to ignore this bad behavior, as tough as that is for me to say. While a glaring look or a quick “Come on!” might feel right, it’s rarely effective, and we have to remember that two “rudes” don’t make a “polite.”
One other phone-related etiquette question, from AARP reader Becky A.: “ Is it rude to speak to a stranger in a waiting room who is occupied with their phone (but not talking)?”
In general, yes. Just as you wouldn’t interrupt someone reading a book, newspaper or magazine, you probably shouldn’t start chatting with someone who is on their phone. You could offer polite niceties, like a smile and a nod, if they acknowledge your entrance into the space or make room as you sit down beside them. If they look up and you have a moment where you exchange looks about something that’s going on in the room, you have a tiny window of opportunity to say something, but it will usually pertain to what has happened and not become an opportunity for you to engage in conversation.
Lizzie Post is the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette legend Emily Post. She's the co-president of The Emily Post Institute, co-author of Emily Post's Etiquette: the Centennial Edition and Emily Post's Business Etiquette . She is co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast.
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If they're being rude and crude then why would they respond to politeness?