Democrats Condemn Stabbing Victims For Inflating Crime Numbers | Babylon Bee
By: The Babylon Bee
Vi gave her family tots and pears and then headed into the poor man bullshit............
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Crime · Sep 8, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
CHARLOTTE, NC — Democratic lawmakers responded to the fatal stabbing of a Ukrainian refugee aboard the Charlotte light rail by condemning all stabbing victims for inflating crime numbers.
Furthermore, Democrats are calling on stabbing victims to stop dying, arguing that their deaths make soft on crime policies look soft on crime.
"If you're going to be stabbed to death, at least make it look like an accident," Charlotte Mayor Vi Lyles urged her citizens. "Stabbing arrests unfairly affect minority communities, so we really need to take it easy on causing a fuss when we get stabbed."
"It's what Dr. King would have wanted."
According to sources, stabbing victims attract a lot of attention due to the violent nature of the crime, and that makes it really hard for Democrats to spin the story in their favor.
"At least if it's a gun, we can complain about gun control," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "What am I supposed to do with a stabbing victim? Wish them a swift recovery?"
Vice President JD Vance criticized Democrats for victim-blaming. "I should stab them all and see how they think it feels. Wait, don't print that," he said.
At publishing time, Democrats announced they stand in solidarity with all stabbers who have unfairly faced bigotry and hostility from the community.
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Isn't it true that satire is based upon fact?
Well, there you have it..........even though satirized. Truth.
“at least if it's a gun, we can complain about gun control,”
So true
The next step will be to classify the murder as an accident to keep the "stats" trending in the right direction.
And I just saw this..
If you ignore a problem, it apparently doesn't exist.
The five most dangerous words in the English language - "Maybe it will go away". Originally penned by The American Cancer Society in their quest to make everyone want to get checked out.