God Formally Notifies Mike Johnson That he is Going to Hell
By: Andy Borowitz
It's satire!
God wouldn't take the 5 minutes out of her day to say shit to Mikey
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Andy Borowitz Mar 12, 202659014587Share
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that many called long overdue, on Thursday God formally notified House Speaker Mike Johnson that he was going to Hell.
In a rare public statement, the Almighty said that Johnson's support of Donald Trump's war in Iran was the "last straw" that sealed the Speaker's eternal damnation.
"What do you do with someone who claims to be a Christian and supports killing civilians?" God asked. "You send his ass to Hell, that's what."
Confronted by reporters in a Capitol corridor, Johnson said he was "disappointed" by the Heavenly Father's decision, but added, "I serve a higher power: Donald Trump."
Trolling, taunting, spamming, and off topic comments may be removed at the discretion of group mods. NT members that are known plagiarists, repeat comments, or continue to disrupt/deflect the conversation risk having all of their comments deleted. Please remember to quote the person(s) to whom you are replying to preserve continuity of this seed. Any use of the phrase "Trump Derangement Syndrome" or the TDS acronym in a comment will be deleted. Any use of the term "Brandon", "Traitor Joe", or any variations thereof, when referring to President Biden, will be deleted. Right wing trolls can expect to have their irrelevant questions and comments deleted. Posting debunked lies will be subject to deletion. Use of the terms "leftist" or "lefty" will also be subject to deletion. ©
Tags
Who is online
116 visitors
Even God doesn't think Mikey is a Christian
What does God have against Hell, some of the best people are there?
Well, that's a good question. I plan on ruling there some day
Good! Do something nice for Charon, he hasn't had a day off in eons.
I'll bring him a tall glass of fresh iced tea
And a slice of peach pie ... he might sing the crossing.
The "Twisted Fruit Cake", Mike Johnson is finally getting his due process. Pretending to be a so-called "Christian" and protecting a CHILD RAPIST just does not compute.
Trout Giggles is slapping down the crumb bums, one by one. (Codolles)
Second only to trump, johnson is the worst christian ever.
He's not actually a #Christian, but he POOTV!
(POOTV is a "MLA" = " Plays One on TV ")