Hegseth Says His Naturally High Testosterone Has Helped Him Apply Makeup
By: Andy Borowitz
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Andy Borowitz Jul 22, 20265009572Share
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth on Wednesday credited his "super-high testosterone level" with his ability to apply "military-grade makeup."
"In order to be Secretary of War, I have to be Secretary of Warpaint," he told reporters. "And my warpaint is by Estee Lauder."
"Being blessed with off-the-charts testosterone has enabled me to perform with extreme lethality," he said. "Make no mistake: I am lethal with an eyebrow pencil."
In perhaps his boldest claim, Hegseth said that his makeup technique proved that he had the highest level of testosterone in the Trump administration, with the possible exception of Jeanine Pirro.
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I rarely wear make-up because I don't know how to apply it. I wonder if he could help me?
I bet you don't need it anyway.
Aww you're sweet!
try spray paint and stencils aka tammy faye bakker ...
ROFL!
I wonder how much time it took her to achieve that look
a fraction of the time to chisel it off ...
Master of mascara! A formidable foundation with beastly bronzer is what every fighter needs.
(You know, excess testosterone will shrink the testicles. Too much T will turn that bulge into a baggie.)
he's over compensating, like most of the maga he-men do ...
ie: lindsey was a big war hawk too ...