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Putin's Show of Farce

  
By:  al Jizzerror  •  last year  •  33 comments


Putin's Show of Farce
Putin's fancy ICBM fizzled, sputtered and failed.  As it turned out, Putin couldn't get it up.  Putin couldn't rattle his flaccid saber.

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President Biden made a gutsy trip to war torn Ukraine last Monday.  Biden praised President Zelensky and the Ukrainian people for their bravery and resolve in the ongoing war with Russia.  He also promised continued support from the US and NATO.

Putin decided to counter Biden's upcoming visit to Ukraine by launching his new powerful "Satan II" ICBM last Saturday.  While Putin was pounding on his chest, Putin's fancy ICBM fizzled, sputtered and failed.  As it turned out, Putin couldn't get it up.  Putin couldn't rattle his flaccid saber.

An unnamed military source in Russia said, "Putin wanted to show off his big bad ICBM.  I saw BM, butt it was on the back of Putin's shit stained pants.  Putin tried to flex his muscles butt his sphincter malfunctioned."

Kim Jong-un has offered to sell some ICBMs to Russia.

512

Here is CNN's coverage of Putin's impotence:


US believes Russia had failed intercontinental ballistic missile test around when Biden was in Ukraine


By Oren Liebermann and Natasha Bertrand, CNN

Updated 10:43 AM EST, February 22,2023






Russia carried out a test of an intercontinental ballistic missile that appears to have failed around the time President Joe Biden was in Ukraine , according to two US officials familiar with the matter.

Russia notified the United States in advance of the launch through deconfliction lines under its New START treaty obligations, one official said, adding that “such testing is routine.” Another official said that the test did not pose a risk to the United States and that the US did not view the test as an anomaly or an escalation.

The test of the heavy SARMAT missile – nicknamed the Satan II in the West and capable of delivering multiple nuclear warheads – appears to have failed, officials said. It has been successfully tested before and had this one worked, US officials believe Russian President Vladimir Putin would have highlighted the test in his State of the Nation address on Tuesday.

Instead, Putin made no mention of the launch in the speech that lasted an hour and 45 minutes. He did, however, formally declare that Russia will be suspending his country’s participation in the New START nuclear arms reduction treaty with the United States, imperiling the last remaining pact that regulates the world’s two largest nuclear arsenals.

CNN initially reported the apparent test occurred while Biden was in Ukraine based off information from sources. After this story first published, one of the officials said the test occurred just before Biden was in the country. The second source had told CNN that the test was on Monday without providing any more specific timing. In a subsequent update, the source said the test in fact occurred on Saturday.

The timing of the test suggests that the US and Russia were communicating through several different channels earlier this week for deconfliction purposes – US officials also notified the Russians on Sunday night, hours before Biden’s visit to Kyiv, that the president would be making the trip to the Ukrainian capital, national security adviser Jake Sullivan said on Monday.

The Kremlin on Wednesday declined to comment when asked about these reports in a conference call with reporters. Kremlin spokesperson Dmitry Peskov said the matter was “the prerogative of the Ministry of Defense.”

CNN has reached out to Russia’s embassy in Washington and the Russian Defense Ministry for comment.

Putin has announced successful ICBM tests in the past, including last April , just months after Russia invaded Ukraine. That test was also for the SARMAT missile which was first unveiled in 2016 and said by Russian state media to have a range exceeding 11,000 kilometers (6,835 miles). The missile can carry a warhead weighing 100 tons and was designed as a successor to the R-36M Voevoda ICBM.

Putin warned last year that the missile would “give thought to those who are trying to threaten Russia.”

At the time, Western experts portrayed the 2022 test as “nuclear saber-rattling” and it was perceived as an attempt to distract from Russia’s military failures at the time, such as the sinking of its Black Sea flagship the Moskva.

Then-Pentagon press secretary John Kirby called the 2022 test “routine, and it was not a surprise. It was not deemed to be a threat to the United States or its allies.”

The Russian military has faced multiple major defeats on the battlefield in Ukraine over the last year and has broadly “failed” in its strategic objectives there, multiple senior US officials have said.

“Russia is now a global pariah and the world remains inspired by Ukrainian bravery and resilience. In short, Russia has lost – they’ve lost strategically, operationally, and tactically,” Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Mark Milley said last week.

Yet Putin has shown no intention of rethinking his war, which he still insists is a “special military operation.”

Last week, Russian fighters and bombers flew near Alaska two times in as many days, forcing NORAD to scramble its fighter jets in response. The Russian aircraft remained outside US and Canadian sovereign airspace, which extends 12 miles from the coastline, but they flew in or near Alaska’s Air Defense Identification Zone, which is up to 200 miles from the coastline.

Two NORAD F-16s intercepted TU-95 bombers and SU-35 fighters that had already entered the ADIZ last Monday. One day later, NORAD F-35s intercepted TU-95 bombers, as well as SU-30 and SU-35 fighters.

“We remain ready to employ a number of response options in defense of North America and Arctic sovereignty,” NORAD said in a statement.

NORAD stressed that it did not view the Russian flights as provocative or as a threat, nor did it consider it related to the aerial objects seen around Alaska and Canada recently.

https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/21/politics/russia-intercontinental-ballistic-missile-test/index.html






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al Jizzerror
Masters Expert
1  author  al Jizzerror    last year

First Putin lost his most valuable asset (Donald Trump) and now Putin's losing his war in Ukraine.

Putin is so impotent that he can't even get his most powerful missile up.

If I had any Viagra, I would donate it to Putin. 

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
1.1  devangelical  replied to  al Jizzerror @1    last year

tucker carlson is the only guy putin can count on now...

 
 
 
Gsquared
Professor Principal
1.2  Gsquared  replied to  al Jizzerror @1    last year

Let's hope that Putin loses his grip on power and the Russian people can get rid of the lousy S.O.B. 

 
 
 
Greg Jones
Professor Participates
1.2.1  Greg Jones  replied to  Gsquared @1.2    last year

 
 
 
Gsquared
Professor Principal
1.2.2  Gsquared  replied to  Greg Jones @1.2.1    last year

He knows how to run a dictatorship.

 
 
 
Thrawn 31
Professor Guide
2  Thrawn 31    last year

A perfect example of why I am not super worried about Putin’s nuclear threats. Odds are they would blow themselves up as opposed to their intended targets.

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Masters Expert
2.1  author  al Jizzerror  replied to  Thrawn 31 @2    last year
Odds are they would blow themselves up as opposed to their intended targets.

Even if all of Russia's nukes detonated in Russia, the fallout would be a fucking disaster for the whole planet.

512

 
 
 
Thrawn 31
Professor Guide
2.1.1  Thrawn 31  replied to  al Jizzerror @2.1    last year

Oh I know, but the immediate results wouldn't be felt here. We would have time to form a fascist survival government. Fuckin Mad Max!

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
2.1.2  devangelical  replied to  Thrawn 31 @2.1.1    last year

save me a spot, I might be a little busy with all the russian collaborators in this country for a bit...

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
3  Ender    last year

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4  Kavika     last year

Putin: I lost my ICBM

Kim: I found it Puttie and I shot it off.

 
 
 
cobaltblue
Junior Quiet
4.1  cobaltblue  replied to  Kavika @4    last year
Putin: I lost my ICBM

I understand Putin's recent illnesses has rendered him impotent. He instructed his general field marshal to begin a support group. Unfortunately it was a flop and nobody came. 

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Junior Quiet
4.1.1  afrayedknot  replied to  cobaltblue @4.1    last year

“..,it was a flop…”

….even with all the fluffers…here, there and everywhere…

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
4.1.2  devangelical  replied to  cobaltblue @4.1    last year

seems the entire planet is in danger from a bunch of old fucks with ED...

 
 
 
cobaltblue
Junior Quiet
5  cobaltblue    last year

BREAKING NEWS: George Santos, claiming to be a direct descendant of J. Robert Oppenheimer, has confessed to deactivating Putin's ICBM by using the secret code he invented. He states he came up with the destabilizing code of OICU812 by using a word sequence to set the program in motion: Ice bank mice elf.

 
 
 
Thrawn 31
Professor Guide
5.1  Thrawn 31  replied to  cobaltblue @5    last year

Hmm, I'd have a hard time not  believing anyone who won a Nobel prize, is a distinguished MIT professor, and won the NBA championship by scoring 50 points in game 7 LIKE BIG DADDY G Santos, as he is known on the streets. Where he totally grew up trying to balance the health of his Jewish, Holocaust, surviving grandparents, and being a dope kingpin. 

But such is the life of a congressman. 

 
 
 
Thrawn 31
Professor Guide
6  Thrawn 31    last year

Where the fuck is Nerm to tell us this is fake news and Russia has the greatest ICBMS ever made? 

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Masters Expert
6.1  author  al Jizzerror  replied to  Thrawn 31 @6    last year
Where the fuck is Nerm

512

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Guide
7  Split Personality    last year

The Ukrainians found and "captured" one of Putin's new "faster than light"

Hypersonic air to air missiles that failed to find a target and also failed to explode upon impact.

It sucks when you have to blindly shoot at Ukranian aircraft over the horizon

from 100 miles inside Russia /s

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
7.1  devangelical  replied to  Split Personality @7    last year

the flight distance from kyiv to moscow is about 500 miles, which IMO is probably the primary reason that fighter aircraft isn't being given to the resourceful ukranians just yet.

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Guide
7.1.1  Split Personality  replied to  devangelical @7.1    last year

They have sent 30 year old, reverse engineered surveillance drones 300 miles into Russia several times.

Sometimes they drop their bombs and return to base as planned.

They shut off when they reach home and parachute down to home...

They could reach Moscow on a one way mission and the Russians know it.

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
7.1.2  devangelical  replied to  Split Personality @7.1.1    last year

they could cause all sorts of alarming mischief with several of those...

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
7.1.3  devangelical  replied to  devangelical @7.1.2    last year

heh, this just gave me an idea for having some fun with the russian supporters in the US...

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Masters Expert
7.1.4  author  al Jizzerror  replied to  devangelical @7.1.3    last year
having some fun with the russian supporters in the US...

That's not Nermal.

512

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
7.1.5  JBB  replied to  al Jizzerror @7.1.4    last year

You can call him Abby or you can call him Abigail, butt never call him Abby Nermal!

original

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
8  Kavika     last year

Since the war isn't going well for Russia and Putin he has hired the Witt sisters as advisers.

332572436_2210580755790815_3931385562497826153_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=5cd70e&_nc_ohc=H5ah1MFDnq4AX_uUqG0&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=00_AfAOy5Oml1REsXmUz7737qOSzCyns5ap_zDPAa9jvSvf4w&oe=63FCF44F

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
8.1  devangelical  replied to  Kavika @8    last year

the other hare club for maga men...

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
8.2  devangelical  replied to  Kavika @8    last year

yuck, and trumpsters wonder why the LGBTQ community has gotten more visible lately...

check out kim's shoes. I wonder if there's a brass pole installed in her and jr's home...

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
8.2.1  JBB  replied to  devangelical @8.2    last year

original

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
8.2.2  devangelical  replied to  JBB @8.2.1    last year

george and kim have a lot in common...

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
8.2.3  devangelical  replied to  devangelical @8.2.2    last year

they both have pictures of the same dicks on their phones....

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Masters Expert
9  author  al Jizzerror    last year

Putin has made it illegal to be meme to him.

512

 
 
 
al Jizzerror
Masters Expert
10  author  al Jizzerror    last year

The butt buddies ride again - Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, Elon Musk and Kayne West.

512

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