ACHTUNG BOOK-BANNERS
ACHTUNG BOOK-BANNERS
You do-gooder book banners are totally incompetent, which does indicate your total ignorance of classic literature. Why would you stop with Orwell’s Brave New World or Animal Farm , D.H.Lawrence’s Sons and Lovers or even Harry Potter ? If you yourselves had a decent education you would be capable of seeing the horrible influences on your children’s minds wielded by much more common fare. There is no way in the world that you would want your children to expand their minds through classic literature, so pay attention amateur censors and book-banners, because you have a lot to learn, and so much more to ban.
William Shakespeare: If the WITCHCRAFT in Harry Potter bothers you, then how can you ignore MacBeth ? Then of course we must be sensitive as to RACIAL PREJUDICE, so The Merchant of Venice would be a no-no. Think of Shylock as the stereotypical Jew. As well, do you want to expose your children to YOUTH SUICIDE? How about Romeo and Juliet ? Therefore you have no choice but to ban Shakespeare.
Charles Dickens: The SUPERNATURAL is forbidden, is it not, as it could derange the minds of your children. Then when Christmas comes, make sure nobody can read A Christmas Carol, because of the ghosts. But with Dickens once again ANTI-SEMITISM is exposed. You cannot consider Fagin in Oliver Twist as a nice person, can you? Therefore, you have no choice but to ban Dickens.
Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice was required reading in my high school days, but I was not aware at the time how my mind was dragged into the gutter by reading about Lydia, the youngest of the five daughters, who at the age of 15 had an illicit affair with Mr. Wickham. Imagine, pre-marital sex.- FORNICATION!!! OMG. Burn all her books before your innocents read such stories.
Jonathan Swift : You might think that A Modest Proposal is actually modest, you know, something even the modest Amish would be allowed to read. Think again, because it is a proposal that the starving Irish eat their babies to alleviate the effects of famine, with the advantage that it is food at hand, and then there would be less mouths to feed. CANNABALISM. You certainly don’t want your children to see that.
Emile Zola : It’s even more dangerous to go outside of Classics in English, because you yourself may not be competent in the language. Emile Zola made his mark in France with Nana , the story of a Parisian whore. PROSTITUTION. It’s a good thing that most American students don’t learn French.
Even your young children are exposed to the worst of influences. The Wizard of Oz , a story children love, must be taken off the shelves because it tells of witches, evil witches who cast spells. WITCHCRAFT. Harry Potter could be considered tame by comparing him with the Wicked Witch of the West.
How about your even younger children. You must be careful to not let them read, or for you to read to them Fairy Tales , or they will stay awake in fear all night as you read them the story of Little Red Riding Hood . “What big teeth you have, grandma”, she said. “The better to eat you with”, answered the wolf. Eat you? CUNNILINGUS. That is certainly a forbidden concept for very young children. What was in the apple that was given to Snow White to eat because of JEALOUSY? Some kind of poison? Look what has happened to Hallowe’en? Can you allow your children to eat candy apples any more? Then there is Goldilocks and the Three Bears . Your kids will learn that BREAKING AND ENTERING and THEFT of food are permissible will they not?
So what have you learned? I would think that for you to do a proper job, you might as well put a lock on all school libraries, because you will be complicit in emptying the shelves anyway. Think of the fact that you will have saved the expense of a school librarian. See, your good deeds do have benefits.
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I happened to be browsing through some of my very old documents saved from my old computer's document library and came up with this, which I have now illustrated and posted because it is so much more relevant to the times now than it was back then. Whoever the author was indicated that Pride and Prejudice was required reading in high school, and in fact it was for me too. I had to submit a book report in which I said I was of the opinion that both Lizzy and Darcy exhibited both pride and prejudice and the teacher gave me a really low mark. I still think I was right.
I thought this was an absolutely great article but obviously it was of no interest to NT members because it didn't talk about politics, wars, gun violence or religion.