Canadians wonder if they can win trade war against famously self-sacrificing and unified Americans
By: Ian MacIntyre - The Beaverton
SATIRE!
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
OTTAWA – With tensions continuing to ratchet in the face of President Trump ’s unilateral trade war, Canadians are openly wondering how they will fare against the notably harmonious, disciplined, and selfless American people.
As Prime Minister Carney prepares for another round of talks with Trump, the question on every Canadians’ mind is whether we can outlast the American people, known far and wide for their ability to reach across party lines towards common challenging goals.
“Sure, we just elected a responsible economist and are all ‘elbows up’,” mused Tamara Fawlks, of Nanaimo, BC, “but I’ll bet the American people are all in lockstep agreement about their politics, and will happily sacrifice their normal quality of life to work together peacefully.”
Raymond Chopra of Kingston, ON echoes the same worries. “My family and I have adjusted our travel plans and are buying Canadian at the grocery store. But surely Americans from California to Alabama are similarly ready to adjust their usual levels of conspicuous consumption and make hard choices together.”
“I didn’t get down there during COVID ,” Chopra continues, “but I can only assume that all Americans quickly got on the same page and agreed about lockdown mandates, vaccines , and the outcome of the 2020 election. Canada ’s got some stiff competition.”
Chopra concludes, “Sure, other lesser countries might melt down and turn on each other and riot in the streets the second they couldn’t buy cheap flatscreen TVs or their utility bills shot up 200%, but Americans – I don’t think so.”
With shipments of cheaply-manufactured Chinese goods reportedly soon coming to an end, Canadian economists have predicted that this will only strengthen the average American’s famously even-tempered judgement in the face of adversity.
Dr. Maria Bricks of Carleton University ’s Economics Department has studied Canadian-US trade dynamics. “Based on my modelling, Americans should face empty store shelves within weeks. To which I assume they will respond by saying ‘This is my opportunity to give back to my community and support President Trump’s well-researched and clearly-articulated economic goals.'”
Bricks continues, “The only things Canada has going for us are a stable government, vast natural resources, healthy international alliances, and a near-pathological resistance to the notion of becoming the 51st American state.”
At press time, President Donald Trump announced that he would be pitting Virginia and Kentucky against each other in a battle royale to determine which state would receive FEMA funding.
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In the meantime my stuff from temu has arrived, take a hike amazon.
I have no problem with buying Chinese products.
It will be interesting to see the oval office press conference today with Carney and Trump sitting a few feet from each other. The topic of "51st" state should be particularly enticing.
Other than a reporter or two I doubt either leader will bring it up.
Thats all it will take. I predict Trump will say "we're talking about it" and Carney will silently glare at him.
Carney should punch him in the nose if he brings it up
Carney had to say it again to that idiot: "Canada is not for sale."
The Beaverton always brings a smile to my face
I was disappointed in what appeared to be groveling about defeating fentayl and securing both borders...
Yeah, maybe invade Canada because of that 1% of the fentayl entering into the USA. Unfortunately Trump isn't quite intelligent enough to take Forrest Gump's advice: "Stupid is as stupid does:" It's the DEMAND, stupid.
When I saw the article title, especially the words "famously self-sacrificing and unified Americans" I almost spit my coffee across the den, but then I said this must be satire and i then I saw it was not labeled satire and I just shook my head.
Then I clicked on the link to look at the article and it seems it is SATIRE
The Beaverton is always satire.
I get that - but it seemed to me that Satire was usually noted on articles on NT - I am probably wrong about that
Nor worries
I believe it is supposed to be labeled as satire. There will be some who swear it is true .............or at least wish it were true..............
It's supposed to be. Hallux needs a gentle reminder to tag it as satire.
done
Satire is reality to the Gods, impish guys and gals one and all.
Thank-you.
“What is satire if not a marriage of civil disobedience to a laugh track, a potent brew of derision…that acts as a nettle sting on the thin skin of the humourless?” ~ Mona Eltahawy
Necessary now more than ever…
I tagged it also.
But I appreciate where you put it, probably more obvious than the tag.