Chris Christie Resigns, Vows to Attemd O.A.
In an apparently spontaneous moment of truth, Chris Christie broke down in tears during a press conference early today and declared he will resign as Governor of New Jersey and commit himself to Overeaters Anonymous meetings until such time as I am able to come to grips with my personal demons.
Christie arrived late for a meeting with reporters, which aides said was intended to discuss the Adelson mis-statement, and appeared agitated and distraught when he appeared at the interview. Governor Christie, perspiring profusely and (in the words of Fox News reporter Jack MeHoff) looking like a spray-tanned Pillsbury Doughboy, launched into a rambling monologue, becoming increasingly agitated and disjointed as he sought to express his internal conflicts. After about ten minutes of disorganized and seemingly random comments, Christie abruptly burst into wracking sobs and delivered an unexpected confessional.
I cant take this shit anymore, he gasped, Im sick of the bullshit and the lying, its gotta stop or Im going to die. Im a sick man, its time to admit it, Ive got to face the truth--- Im a selfish gluttonous bastard and my life is a wreck, a fucking joke and a total disgrace. People have been covering for me and trying to help me for years and its only getting worse, it isnt working and it isnt helping me and its got to stop. Ive got to come out of the closet and come clean before I kill myself.
I go home at night and I binge, I eat 6 or 7 Big Macs and 3 fucking boxes of Hostess Ho-Hoes and a gallon of Hagen Daez, its totally out of control, he added, I eat Ex-Lax like goddamn M & Ms and I shove my finger down my throat and puke my guts up, its completely insane and I cant keep this up. After years of denial, I have to face the truthI have an eating disorder, I am a compulsive eater, I am a helpless hog and the only way to save myself is to stop the goddamn lies. Im resigning as Governor of New Jersey, Im getting out of politics and Im going to attend OA meetings as often as necessary to regain my sanity and my self-respect.
I apologize to everyone Ive lied to and deceived, to everyone Ive bullied and intimidated, to everyone whos put faith and trust in me and who Ive manipulated and betrayed. Im not asking for forgiveness, Im not asking for sympathy, Im not asking even for understanding all I ask is acceptance, the same acceptance I have finally given to myself the acceptance to take the first crucial Step.
We admitted that we were powerless over foodthat our lives had become unmanageable
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It takes a big person to admit to morbid obesity.
Crisco definitely qualifies.
Love the avatar, you wascawwly wabbit... though a suspect you're just fishing for a compliment. Say Hi to Donnie for me