Drafting Guys Over 60.
Written by an Anonymous Old Soldier (or perhaps marine, sailor or airman)
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am . Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those terrorists.
The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.
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I got this in an email with no indication of the original author
I thought it was hilarious and hope you do as well.
ROTFL, classic Robert. We are even more dangerous before we have a pot of coffee. As my wife said, ''just send a group of women with PMS, and Al Qaida will be wiped out in a NY minute.
BF, we're old, we don't do fitness tests. PSA test yes, prostate tests yes, blood pressure tests yes. Fitness tests no frickin way. We don't need to prove how bad we are...
Kavika
Exactly
Nothing left to prove and we know how to get it done
B F
It seems you missed the humorous intention of the article
Our theme song.
Or this one works as well.
Larry
No song says it better
Thanks for sharing
Where can I get the T-SHIRT????
I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back;
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs.
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs.
I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes;
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
I'd probably start to sneeze.
That is funny, and very enjoyable! I can't wait to share it with my husband, (who is down for the count this time of the night...)
Take care and thanks for sharing this!
Mike in Ga
LOL
Thanks for bringing a smile to this old fella's face
There is humor but a whole lot of truth in your comment
swamijim
Sad but hilarious
Dowser
Always glad to share some smiles hereon NT
RiO
Actually, it's an exerpt from Phil Och's 'Draft Dodger Rag', but those particular lines seemed tofit in perfectly here...