Childhood in a House of Horrors, Part 1
I can remember back to when I was 4 years old, and the memories are NOT good. My stepsister was born and my life went to hell and stayed there pretty much till I was 55 years old. Something snapped in me that year, but you need to know the inbetween to understand why.
When I was growing up, I got my ass and body beaten just about every day of my life. The only exceptions was when she was in the hospital having another kid. (SHE is the woman that gave birth to me, I'll call her Louise) Louise absolutely despised me and told me so many times a day. As a kid, I couldn't understand that at all. She would beat me with tobacco sticks, belts, switches, tree limbs, rolling pins, frying pans. I went to school many a day with bloody legs, back and backside, plus bruises all over my body. Back then, nobody paid any attention to things like that, so she had pretty much a free hand in doing what she loved to do.
At 5 years old, I was standing at a tobacco slide handing tobacco like the grownups did, and if I slowed down, here came a slap up side the head or a kick. She had her favorite name for me back then, it was "little bitch", that also changed later. And everyday she'd tell me how she hated me and wished I had never been born. How is a child supposed to understand that shit? Funny thing is, she never did that around my Grandmother, so when Granny would visit, I got a bit of a break. Louise freaked out when she caught me in bed with her second husband, he told me to, and at 6-7 years old, I knew damn well if I didn't do what a grown up said, I was going to get hurt. When I started school, my best friend didn't go; I thought she was sick or something, Louise told me that she couldn't go to school with be cause she was Black. I threw a fit and wouldn't go to the bus stop, she would pick me up and throw me on the bus.
This went on for year after year after year. Her nickname for me changed from "little bitch" to "strumpet" and that went on till I left home. The beatings did too. When I was in 9th grade, I skipped school one day to go to the welfare office and asked them to take me out of that house. They went out to talk to her and when I got home that day, I caught one of the worst beatings she had EVER given me. That was the summer that she offered to sell me to a candy man that traveled around. (they would go out to the country and give people boxes of candy to sell for spare change or premiums) The candy made a nice change from the boiled taters one day and dry beans the next, BAM, another beating.
Anyhow, she asked the salesman if he wanted to buy me, and when she told himthat she wanted a thousand for me, he looked and me and told her I wasn't worth it! Another beating, all the time telling me how sorry I was that that nice man didn't even want me. It got to the point that she would grab me by the arm while she was beating me, and I would just stand there and stare at her while she was swinging whatever it was she had picked up that time. When she finished, I'd go to the woods, lay down and cry.
I had "female" problems when I started, and went through pure agony each month, and she would accuse me of having miscarriages, even though I was not even dating yet! I went to bed one night crying, she came in and asked what I was crying about. I asked her why she hated me so damn much. She got up one the bed and started KICKING me that time, so I kept my mouth shut from then on out.At 15, I had a D&C, another one at16, and at 17, had a partial hysterectomy. Turns out I had a double uterus, and they took one out then, and cut the tube on the other one, effectively rendering me unable to have kids. SHE SIGNED FOR THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME! As I found out years later, women born with this deformity have some really harsh pain during that time of the month.
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OH MY GOSH.
I don't know what to say, other than how horrible, and how on earth did you become the loving, life-affirming person you are today, AND I love you, dear friend.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through this!
Leotie, your a great person. Overcoming all that you did, speaks to your courage.
Dowser, I didn't want to be the kind of woman she was. I know all too well what it's like to be in mental and physical pain and don't ever want to do that to anyone else.
Even people I don't like don't get that kind of treatment from me.
I understand what you mean... VERY much!
Kavika, thank you very much. It took many, MANY years to do that, but I thank the Creator that I could. I have no idea where that courage came from, maybe my beloved Granny.
Dowser, yes, I think you do understand. Very much!
Damn Leotie - with my temper, she would've been dead by the time I was 6. You are more than strong and you have my deepest respect and honor.
1stwarrior, in spite of all that, I was too petrified of her to raise my hand to her, but I did think about it a LOT as I got older. The last time she did anything like that to me, I had helped her with her grocery shopping. I was in front of her in the aisle, and she walked up behind me and kicked the shit out of me, and thought it was funny.
I stayed well out of her reach for a long time.
Thanks for sharing your story with usLeotie . I'm sure it can not have been easy to open up this way ...
Petey, no, it wasn't. But if it can help someone else, so be it. The way I grew up is the same thing I saw in my friend, Nancy's eyes and face. We started talking, she told me about her life and I told her about mine. I have to say, she had it worst than I did. I am trying to help her and she helps me by listening.
No kid deserves anything like this. To tell the truth, I'm glad I never had kids. I think about it sometimes, that I might would have treated mine like Louise did me.
Thank you for the nice comment. I'm reading one of your seeds now also. The one about obamacare.
I thought my life was rough mine was a cake walk in comparison. So glad you lived thru it so many don't. Thanks for sharing I know its painful and we wonder why some children are so hateful. My saving grace was I had a very loving mother.
For many years, I didn't know if I was going to live through it, and after I got raped, I did try to commit suicide, fortunately I failed. That was a dark, DARK time of my life, and I never want to go back there. Thank God, I haven't been faced with that.
I sent you a friend request, had to do that in order to send you an email.
Dear Friend Leotie: You have my email. I am here for you in such ways as you wish. Always.
Peace and Abundant Blessings. Onward and upward.
Enoch.