Huge Crime Spree In Lampe Missouri - National Guard Called In
A crime spree has reached epidemic proportions in the up scale town of Lampe Missouri, authorities report.
It's gotten so bad that we are all arming ourselves and families, according to local resident. I.M. Pizzed.
Local authorities have asked the governor of Missouri to send in the Missouri National Guard. The governor has granted the request and Guardsmen and women have been given orders, ''shoot to scare the hell out of them''. Lethal force will be used if the culprits don't surrender, after having the hell scared out of them.
The most recent crime, was a barn invasion of R.U. Pudmilker barn, in which a prized goat was goatnapped. According to R.U., this goat was a prized Missouri goat that went by the name, ''Show Me''.
Other recent crimes included, cattle rustling, split wood robbery and the most serious was a ''Still'' run by the Hole-in-the-Wall gang of suburban Lampe Heights, where six gallons of Lampe Heights Moonshine was taken.
Authorities warn that the culprits may be ''falling down drunk'' and dangerous.
Do not approach them. Contact Sheriff I.M. Lost if you spot them.
Houston and Chicago police have been notified to be on the lookout for them. Local authorities in these cities, have extra officers on hand, because of the lack of goatnapping and cattle rustling in these cities. Moonshining is on the rise in said cities, but local law enforcement remains confident that it's under wraps.
This is a ''Public Service'' warning to the good citizens of Lampe, Missouri and the surrounding cities of Chicago and Houston.
A photo of the alleged gang below.
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It's those damn city dwellers again.
I could not resist BF.
I added a photo of alleged perps.
Pudmilker?
Grump, BF, I think that it's self explanatory.
''What are they, Quacks?''....Well, you could say that Brolly.
One of their relatives.
It's high grade moonshine Gunny. Served only in the best establishments in the county.
Nothing fun ever happens around where I live.
We are so backwater that our town hooker is a virgin!
Enoch, sitting on the front porch, watch the grass grow, and listen to my arteries harden for weekend fun and excitement.
Goat-napping ? Did they call in the FBI ?!
I drank moonshine once. Well, it was called corn squeezin's. Gads, it was awful nasty.
Come on Grump, it's quite good. It is a acquired taste though..
ROTFL, now that is backwater Enoch...LOLOLOLOL
Dammit Petey, of course we did. Do you think that we're backwater or something????
Photo of Fry Bread Inspectors that showed up in Lampe.
From the ''Eye in the Sky'', south end of a goat seeing headed northbound.
Yeah, I saw that. Poor goat.
Could those criminals be from Chicago?
Your obsession with rectums is getting reeeeeally weird .
Here in the Ozarks, we have a way of dealing with those big city punks.
It's good stuff if you can remember what you did the night before Gunny.
I have some in the frig. Take it out every now and then, pour a little on the counter and light it up. Still (pardon the pun) burns clean and clear.
Looks like one of those time lapse photos.
We have it covered here in Charlotte.
Example
Is that you, Six?
No Grump, but it sure looks peaceful and I'd like to be sitting on that porch. Notice the grass is green and it's not raining or snowing. And the sun is shining unlike the heavy here today.
It's 32 outside right now with a 10 mph wind. I miss sitting on the back porch with my dogs in the morning and drinking my coffee as the sun comes up. Now I am sitting in my library with a blanket around me drinking my coffee.
If it burns clean and clear, than it's really good stuff Six.
ROTFL, yup I'm sure that those signs do the trick Six.
I can see from the photo the town sure is being watched...
I'm sure that if the sign is violated, it will result in a misdamenor charge...misspelling by intent.
My neighborhood has many retired folks. This street alone has nearly all retired people living on it. We all watch each others houses. It's a very safe and comfortable place to live.