Stoner Christmas Carols
With the holiday season approaching, I started thinking back to the days of my mis-spent youth (quite apart from the days of my mis-spent adulthood). I remember with nostalgia (and euphoric recall) the times spent caroling around Mt. Adams & the Univ. of Cincinnati with other stoned-out space cadets, drinking cheap wine (Hippie Anti-Freeze) and freezing our asses off while too loaded to notice. We (of course) wanted some Christmas carols specifically for dopers, and wrote a few. These fond memories led to a Net share of the first carol I remembered, and then another when I managed to dredge another Xmas tune from the dusty storage my brain. Either a LOT of other people did the same things, or a lot of internet weirdoes are as twisted as I am, 'cause several people added contributions, and herewith we present the finished collection.
Thanks and a tip of the Swami's turban to Faust's Son, DaRro, D DeMilo, kenyon 1, Walt D (& others) for contributions & encouragement (well, egging me on to more egregious excess, actually)...
Lest these immortal pieces of stoner poetry vanish forever, I invite the current generation of load-o's to practice up and get out this year to spread the following:
We Wish You a Mari-juana
(to the tune of 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas')
We wish you a Mari-juana,
We wish you a Mari-juana;
We wish you a Mari-juana and a Hashish New Year.
Good copping we bring to those you hold dear;
Good copping for Reefer and a Hashish New Year.
Oh, bring us a big full baggie,
Oh, bring us a big full baggie;
Oh, bring us a big full baggie and a hit of Blue Cheer.
We won't go until we score some,
We won't go until we score some;
We won't go until we score some, so weigh it out here.
We wish you a Mari-juana,
We wish you a Mari-juana;
We wish you a Mari-juana and a... Hashish--New--Year.
Santa Clause Deals Uppers & Downs
(to the tune of 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town')
Oh, you better smoke pot,
You better get high;
You better snort coke,
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus deals uppers and downs.
He's makin' up lids,
He's givin' good price;
He's gonna flip out,
If you don't cop twice:
Santa Claus deals uppers and downs.
He sees you when you're freaking,
He knows when you're a fake;
He knows when you're just no damn good,
You're a stoner and a flake!
So--you better smoke pot,
You better get high;
You better snort coke,
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus deals uppers and downs.
Santa Claus deals uppers and downs!
Smoke Up, Ye Merry Gentlemen .
(To the tune of "God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen")
Smoke up ye merry gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay;
The Christmas season's starting up,
so let ye all display,
the pipes and bongs you cleaned so well ,
To get you blown away.
OHH Imbibing Southern Comfort and a smoking toy,
Southern Comfort and a toy.
Blo-ow shot-guns of that shit here my boy!!
From Boston town, to East LA
This killer weed was scored
And packed into a bong or bowl
From our most secret hoard
Now hit it, all you stoners
Hack till your lungs are sore
OHH Imbibng Southern Comfort and a smoking toy,
Southern Comfort and a toy.
Blo-ow shot-guns of that shit here my boy!!
Down from British Columbia.
A blasted stoner came;
And unto certain hippie freaks,
Brought baggies of the same.
Now if you just can hold your toke,
It will fuck up your brain;
OHH Imbibng Southern Comfort and a smoking toy,
Southern Comfort and a toy.
Blo-ow shot-guns of that shit here my boy!!
"Fear not then," said the stoner,
"Let pipes and doobies light.
This joint is rolled in dovetail style.
In cannabis paper bright;
So freely toke and pass it round,
Hit it with all your might."
OHH Imbibng Southern Comfort and a smoking toy,
Southern Comfort and a toy.
Blo-ow shot-guns of that shit here my boy!!
The freaks after all toking up,
Were smashed out of their minds;
And left in flocks for feeding,
Though they were stoned half blind.
Went to White Castle straightway,
Those burgers there to find;
OHH Imbibng Southern Comfort and a smoking toy,
Southern Comfort and a toy.
Blo-ow shot-guns of that shit here my boy!!
And when they came to White Castle,
They'd giggle, hack and cough;
While munching out on burgs and fries,
Like hogs feed at a trough.
The Manager came bitching down,
And told them to fuck off;
OHH Imbibng Southern Comfort and a smoking toy,
Southern Comfort and a toy.
Blo-ow shot-guns of that shit here my boy!!
Now to your bong sing praises,
All you who hit the tube;
And with true love and brotherhood,
Then roll another doob;
This holy toke of Christmas,
You can post on YouTube;
OHH Imbibng Southern Comfort and a smoking toy,
Southern Comfort and a toy.
Blo-ow shot-guns of that shit here my boy!!
Frosty the Snow-Gram .
(To the tune of...do I need to say it?)
Frosty the snow-gram is a jolly happy score;
Well they call it snow but the heads all know,
That you just want more and more.
Copping good snow, man, is a fairy tale they say;
Cause it's all stepped on and it's too soon gone,
But it came to town one day.
There must have been some magic in that old short straw they found;
For when they whiffed it in their heads,
They began to dance around.
Oh, Frosty the snow-gram made 'em high as they could be;
All the freaks had fun, made their noses run,
Just the same as you and me.
Snuffle-snort, Whiff-suck! Snuffle-snort, Whiff-suck!
Look at Frosty go;
.
Snuffle-snort, Whiff-suck! Snuffle-snort, Whiff-suck!
Oh shit, we're out of snow...
Frosty the snow-gram knew the heat was down that day;
So he said let's score, you best cop some more now before I'm blown away.
Down to the village with a C-note in his hand;
Running here and there all around the square,
Sayin' score some if you can.
They cruised right down into the town,
And through the sign of 'STOP';
And they really started freakin'
When somebody hollered "Cops!!"
Cop that good snow, man and then hurry on your way;
Cause you get real high then you crash and cry,
Till it's back--a-gain--some--day!!!
Snuffle-snort, Whiff-suck! Snuffle-snort, Whiff-suck!
Look at Frosty go;
.
Snuffle-snort, Whiff-suck! Snuffle-snort, Whiff-suck!
Oh shit, we're out of blow!!!
The Twelve Stones of Christmas .
(To the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")
For the first stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: a purple tab of LSD.
For the second stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: two dovetail joints-- and a purple tab of LSD.
For the third stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: three shot-guns-- two dovetail joints and a purple tab of LSD.
For the fourth stone of Christmas my dealer gave to me: four kinds of bud-- three shot-guns, two dovetail joints and a purple tab of LSD.
For the fifth stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: five bricked-up keys-- four kinds of bud, three shot-guns, two dovetail joints and a purple tab of LSD.
For the sixth stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: six whites a- buzzin'-- five bricked-up keys, four kinds of bud, three shot-guns, two dovetail joints and a purple tab of LSD.
For the seventh stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: seven grams of hashish-- six whites a- buzzin', five bricked-up keys, four kinds of bud, three Shot-guns, two dovetail joints and a purple tab of LSD.
For the eighth stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: eight magic mushrooms-- seven grams of hashish, six whites a- buzzin', five bricked-up keys, four kinds of bud, three Shot-guns, two dovetail joints and a purple tab of LSD.....
For the ninth stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: nines spoons a-snortin'-- eight magic mushrooms, seven grams of hashish, six whites a- buzzin', five bricked-up keys, four kinds of bud, three Shot-guns, two dovetail joints and a purple tab of LSD.
For the tenth stone of Christmas, my dealer gave: ten 'ludes a-droppin'-- nines spoons a-snortin', eight magic mushrooms, seven grams of hashish, six whites a- buzzin', five bricked-up keys, four kinds of bud, three Shot-guns, two dovetail joints and a purple tab of LSD.
For the eleventh stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: eleven bongers choking--ten 'ludes a-droppin', nines spoons a-snortin', eight magic mushrooms, seven grams of hashish, six whites a- buzzin', five bricked-up keys, four kinds of bud, three Shot-guns, two dovetail joints and a purple tab of LSD.
For the twelfth stone of Christmas, my dealer gave to me: twelve stoners rolling-- eleven bongers choking, ten 'ludes a-droppin', nine spoons a-snortin', eight magic mushrooms, seven grams of hashish, six whites a- buzzin', five bricked-up keys, four kinds of bud, three shot-guns, two dovetail joints and--
a purple tab of L--S--D!!
NOTE: The author, having long since eschewed the use of mood-altering chemicals (beyond the occasional shot of Old Forester), does not promote or encourage the use of illicit substances...the foregoing is presented solely for the entertainment & potential giggle of those who may currently indulge in a recreational toke or two...MERRY CHRISTMAS!! (choke hack wheeze)
PS: Reefer gingerbread is WAY better than brownies...
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Howdy Bf-- tnx for dropping in.
My kids are out & on their own, but I do get to party w/ them on holidays... it's great. I'm just patiently waiting for legalization to creep across country...
Saw an episode of Anthony Bourdain's Parts Uknown. He was in Tangier, these guys were making this wonderful looking confection that contained all kindsa nuts and berries and honey and keef....
I though it looked like a wonderful holiday treat!
;^)
Now that's my idea of a fruitcake!!
Oh, it was all fresh ingredients andreally did look delicious. The finished product appeared to be about the size, shape and weight of a softball...
...oy vey!
Beats hell out of Mom's gingerbread men, I'm sure...