Not cool
Everyone knows it is of critical importance to be cool at all times . We are constantly shown examples of coolness to emulate . But in order to really understand what coolness is you need to see contrasting examples of uncoolness .
As a public service I have decided to give those examples just because that's the kind of guy I am 
. And to make this more fun let's make this a reader's participation event . Just fill in the blanks to this :
You know you're not cool if ____ .
As usual I will go first .
Not cool if your extra virgin olive oil is actually extra slutty ...
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Oh man ... 2 for the price of one . ;~ P BTW I reeeeally wanted that Mercedes . It sounded so cool !
This was so hard for me.
My first joke was too political, and then my second one was too sexually-oriented [not sure if the Mods dictate being PC or not].
So, in trying to discover a neutral value, "You know you're not cool if" you order from the 'child's menu' and not only don't tip, but sneak back to the table to collect what everyone else left. [Have never seen that, but it seems like something an uncool person might do.]
You're not cool if you just bought a new Mercedes convertible and get stopped on suspicion of having stolen it because the cop says, "You just looked too dorky to be driving that."
Oh ! That is seriously uncool indeed . Here is the uncool chart which explains it :
Chloe ,
You need to loosen up ! Find your center ... then proceed with coolness ... or uncoolness . It doesn't matter which .
Good idea, Petey. So, I had a talk with myself, but we couldn't agree on which way to go.
It is uncool to not know the answer to that . Well played !
Chloe ,
That was actually cool . You are disqualified ... but that's cool anyway .
Oh, you're right. In fact, I see two more...the white portion and the lower black portion.
Stories about "a girl I once knew " are uncool . You've really got the concept down Mike !
You know you are not cool if you think youcooler than others.
The introduction of politics into a humor topic was EXTREMELY uncool . Well done !
It's OK . The idea of this topic is to make a complete ass of urslf . No harm , no foul ...
Don't you dare ! That was the best fit for this article ...
That was an amazingly uncool remark BF . For an explanation see Enoch's comment below .
That comment was actually cool , which means you are disqualified . Well done !
Nevertheless your contributions to this game have been exceptional !
BF ,
There is no need to criticize Enoch . He has been disqualified for being cool . You OTOH are still in the game .
I already know I'm not cool.
OK . Please prove it ... You can attract fans for that "ability" .
I am really going to have to think on this one.
You know you're not cool when people ask you to prove how not cool you are.
That may be a non-sequiter . But I'm too confused by it to know ! In any case it is funny . Thanks for playing ...
You know you're not cool when you are too confused to know if something is a non-sequiter or non sequitur.
Damn it. Now that was most cool cause I'm sounding like someone on NT who thinks I'm not cool at all. Now I kick dirt and say "shucks".
Oh, no you don't. The slutty extra virgin olive oil stuff was great AND not everyone has played yet.
Does this mean I have to offend every member of NT ?
You know you are not cool if you can't offend every member of NT.
Can't or won't ?!
You know you are not cool if you think the tasty the KY jelly is for your toast.
You know you are not cool if your name is Badfish and you appear to be offering free prostate exams.
Oh, Petey, I can't answer that one for you. You will have to consult a higher authority.
You know you are not cool if you're me.
Youz guyz is killin me !
I'm sorry but that is :
1] unlikely
2] going to require supporting evidence
I like Mr. Monk.
Yes . But you can make that a cool act if you use extra virgin olive oil to pick with ...
Well, let's see... if it's 'cold-pressed' then it's still raw [virgin], but if it's expeller expressed, then it's in heat and out doin' the town.
[sort of]
You know your not cool if you wear your hair down to your waist, and your a guy.
Oh wait, maybe that's just too cool.
There was an extra virgin in the olive oil? OMG.
That's right. That there Kentucky jelly is expensive.
LMAO, not true BF.
How come the not so cool people on NT didn't show up on this article?
You mean the TV detective Adrian Monk ? I like him too . What's not to like about a detective with OCD ?!
Here I am !!!!
If it was extra slutty olive oil I know how you could make "good" use of that drum ...
I appreciate your staying with the concept Mike ... I realize you can't help urslf but still .
Have you ever heard the expression "coals to Newcastle" ?
Thanks for putting in a showing Tzia . It's good to see someone so enthusiastic about their uncoolness .
Not cool if you driving and texting while picking your nose ,get into an accident and you have to go to ER to get finger removed from nostril.
That would take an unusual level of dexterity . This goes towards supporting the Clint Eastwood admonition :
"A man's gotta know his limitations ."
" Nobody puts catsup on a hot dog" ( except un -cool people )
[ Clint Eastwood]
He's right, you know.
Which movie was that from ?
tzia,
That just seems so wrong,and there are those who do it.
I can't remember ,because I'm not cool. lol
Is it something un-cool people do ?
( eyes looking downward with a guilty look on face)
Well ... since it is a very old expression I expect that familiarity implies a lot of years . Is being old uncool ?
That might be the epitome of uncool ... doing something you feel guilty about . I salute you !
ppssst . .( there are 4 faces )
I don't know ,I'm not old, is that uncool??
Answering a question with a question is inevitably cool . You're disqualified !
Is it cool to invite your parents on a double date with you?
Not if you're expecting a hot date ...
giggle-snorts are not cool . You score again ...
What if they cry and stomp their feet?
( moobs are not cool)
I'm guessing you also don't find them hot ...
a 70 year old Ojibwe, eat your heart out...LMAO
Wow ... who could turn that down !
Petey, no, because some moobs are bigger than mine.
You're not cool if you think OMG refers to Olive oil that is from a "Genetically Modified Organism".
(But you might be Lysdexic!)
Lysdexic is not cool either ... unless you come up with original rearrangements . Eg instead of LMAO you say LAMO .
Not mentioning any names though ...
I'll bet yours are perkier ...
tzia breaking out in a sweat . . .
ummm . .no comment lol
Don't be sexist -- broads hate that
EXCUSE ME GRUMPSTER . . BROADS ?????
Fortunately no one here has attempted that . The assignment was about uncoolness ... which is a lot easier to give examples of .
Although I have never put catsup on a hot dog I will defend the rights of the anyone who does ... also I will refuse to associate socially with them when they do . There are limits ...
If I'm not mistaken measuring coolness is subject to the Heisenberg uncertainty principle . And that's why :
Is that cooler than being 2 faced ?
Because there are uncool people lurking about?
Buahahha. It's true.
Never mind.
Gunny ; If you do you are going to be required to use the format described in the article :
You know you're not cool if ____ .
Yep, four faces... I don't know what's cooler, but at least they are 'open-faced'...that's why open-faced sandwiches are so cool!! You can see what's inside....or is that 'uncool' to look ? Ack! ..I don't know what I'm talking about. Do you?!!
Formerstew,
I confess, I was uncool once and tried ketchup on a hotdog...I didn't think it was that bad, either. It makes meat sweet, nothing wrong with that, especially when we're uncool [or like sweet meat---some people don't].
Just like Pineapple and Ham or Canadian Bacon...I like the sweet meat taste there, too, but the cool people don't.
BF , your talent for uncoolness has just reached a new peak ...
hangs head again . . .I like the combo of the sweet and salty
Me too... we're uncool... like honey-glazed peanuts, too.
lol, Yes..., yes it is.
whew . . . wiping brow