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Political Satire from the Onion: Congress Fiercely Divided Over Completely Blank Bill That Says And Does Nothing

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Category:  The Lighter Side/ Humor

Via:  the-irascible-harry-krishner  •  11 years ago  •  9 comments

Political Satire from the Onion: Congress Fiercely Divided Over Completely Blank Bill That Says And Does Nothing

700.jpg?9255 Congressional leaders in both parties have failed to find common ground on the completely text-free bill.

WASHINGTONA blank piece of legislation that says nothing, does nothing, and contains no text whatsoever has been the source of heated debate in Washington this week, and has sharply divided Congress along partisan lines, Beltway sources confirmed Thursday.

Known as S.0000, the bill, which doesnt have sponsors, co-sponsors, or an author, has reportedly drawn starkly contrasting opinions from legislators in both the Senate and House of Representatives, and has paved the way for a major legislative battle in coming months.

According to reports, 45 Democratic senators are in favor of the billwhich contains no text whatsoeverwhile 41 Republicans are staunchly opposed. At least three Republicans, including Sens. Richard Burr (R-NC), David Vitter (R-LA), and Susan Collins (R-ME), have said they would consider crossing the aisle and backing the bill, an announcement that drew fierce criticism from GOP leadership and primary threats from members within their own party.

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Krishna
Professor Expert
link   seeder  Krishna    11 years ago

Republican critics told reporters that the wordless document would kill jobs and force another round of big government policies upon the American people. Some Democrats said the blank legislation doesnt go far enough, while a majority of party members accused the GOP of willfully undermining the legislative process and being totally averse to any and all concessions.

250.jpg?9255 Bill S.0000, which has sharply divided lawmakers.

The truth is, Speaker Boehner doesnt have enough support in his own party, and will need Democratic help to pass anything, said Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD), adding that he firmly and categorically stands behind many of the nonexistent measures in the bill. But once again, the GOP has decided they would rather spread vicious lies about the effects of this legislation, and theyve successfully created a panic that is completely unfounded. Americans cant afford to wait around any longer. We need to get this done now.

While lawmakers have overwhelmingly fallen along party lines, several Democratic members of Congress who are up for reelection in 2014 have joined Republicans in blasting the legislation, fearing that showing any kind of support for President Obama and his agenda could lead to their ouster. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) has said the bill, which would enact no changes of any kind to either federal or statewide governments, is immoral, unconstitutional, and flies in the face of states rights.

President Obama, meanwhile, has heavily criticized Congress for its failure to vote on the proposal.

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
link   seeder  Krishna    11 years ago

This sort of thing is no laughing matter.

LOL!

 
 
 
TTGA
Professor Silent
link   TTGA    11 years ago

President Obama, meanwhile, has heavily criticized Congress for its failure to vote on the proposal.

But has not yet stated whether or not he will sign it.

Perhaps they could compromise; half of the bill could remain blank while the other half could contain an order for Chinese food from the House restaurant. If it was written in Chinese, no one would really know what it said anyway.

 
 
 
TTGA
Professor Silent
link   TTGA    11 years ago

Obviously a new House Page put it in the hopper, thinking that's where they stored the paper that the members doodle on. He may have been right.

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
link   seeder  Krishna    11 years ago

If it was written in Chinese, no one would really know what it said anyway.

Kinda like the current bills Grin.gif

(Although both halves of them are filled out, and of course they are written in English).

 
 
 
Petey Coober
Freshman Silent
link   Petey Coober    11 years ago

If it was written in Chinese, no one would really know what it said anyway.

!

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
link   seeder  Krishna    11 years ago

Obviously a new House Page put it in the hopper, thinking that's where they stored the paper that the members doodle on.

That Page's mind must've been blank. A "blank page", as it were.

Funny-- a blank Page throwing blank pages into the hopper.

(Or maybe that Page just blanked out completely for a few minutes).

 
 
 
Spikegary
Junior Quiet
link   Spikegary    11 years ago

I was going to say be careful some idiot won't understand that 'The Onion' = humor.

I was too late.

 
 
 
TTGA
Professor Silent
link   TTGA    11 years ago

(Although both halves of them are filled out, and of course they are written in English).

Only partly Krish. Lawyerese and English do have some equivalencies, but very few; and even those have different meanings (like the word "is").

 
 
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