You Can Blame the Government When Appliances Turn Traitor -- Humor
Have you ever noticed how appliances wait until you get just a little money aheadnot much, say $200and then they break to the tune of at least $250?
I think it is a conspiracy. Our appliances, especially in the kitchen, are older and wise to our ways. They eavesdrop on our conversations, and plot their evil deeds like mischievous children, intent on causing trouble to get attention. Reprobates, all of them.
Several months ago, my husband and I received a small, (very small), refund check from the IRS. I carried it in from the mailbox, waving the envelope at my husbandtotally oblivious to the annoying deep vibration emanating from the dishwasher"Look, honey, we got our refund!"
How could I be so stupid? The first indication of 'trouble' was that Pharaoh, our cat, made a beeline through the upstairs bedroom, coming to a sudden halt on the bed, "Mreow?", before launching himself up under the table skirt. Water was dripping off his whiskers and his paws had that shrunken wet look that cats get. His tail was a long, dripping string.
"Oh no, what now?" I said. "This looks ominous."
My husband, emerging from the shower, said, "There is no hot waterare you doing laundry?" Nope.
I carefully picked my way downstairs in trepidation, to see the flotsam and jetsam of our kitchen life floating in the front hall. Last year's disappearing mittens floated among school papers that had been sitting on the unused kitchen chair, and the empty dog dish gently bumped against the coat rack in the entrance hall. The coat that my son had carelessly flung over the stair post, instead of hanging it up, was a sodden mass, washed against the fern stand. In the kitchen, water poured out from under the door of the dishwasher, hot and steamy. "Come quick!", I called to my husband, "We are having a flood!" I could hear him grumbling
"No, come NOW! Please!", I shouted up the steps. "We're AWASH!"
My husband came running down the steps in his underwear, growling at the wifely hysterics, only to wade his way into the kitchen, abreast of the detritus, like an icebreaker in the arctic. "Turn the water off!"
"I don't know how!" And it is true. I've lived in this house for 15 years, and even though I know much of it intimately, having cleaned it, little things like shut-off valves have escaped my notice, since I'm so busy covering them up with important things like silver polish, extra sponges, and cling-wrap. My husband knelt down in the hot water, reached up under the sink, and began to dig his way through to the back wall. Finally, he found the shut-off valve and turned it.
The deluge stopped, and the dishwasher looked smug for having created such a stir, pleased after all these years of unappreciated service, to be center of attention. At this point, the refrigerator began tapping its foot on the tile, rocking gently back and forth. The floor was awash with boxes of aluminum foil, sponges, cleaning bottles, and other things that usually live under the kitchen sink. Water lapped at the living room carpet, and around the corner to the den. The windows had steamed up and the wallpaper looked damp. In the corner, the refrigerator continued to gently tap.
We cleaned for hours, the whole family, except for the animals, who seemed intent on stepping in the water and climbing up on things that had been previously dry. I began taking throw rugs and towels down to the basement laundry, only to discover that it had rained in the basement. Water dripped from the floor joists above, running down the sides of the washer and dryer, into the baskets of laundry waiting to be washed, and pooling on the utility shelving. Fortunately we have two Shop Vacs, so one was put to good use in the kitchen, and one in the basement. Both of us commented on the refrigerator's new tap dancing routine, but neither one of us gave it much thought in the general melee. Big Mistake.
Four days later, my husband took the dishwasher apart, strewing its innards all over the kitchen floor. The refrigerator had developed a 'list', as if the water had somehow washed the grout out from under the white tile flooring he had so carefully laid, (and I detest). The microwave, for no apparent reason other than excess humidity, started to hummmm loudly when in use, and the food was stone cold when removed. The disposal started to grind and lurch as if it had a nail in its stomach.
The water on the utility shelf in the basement had been absorbed by all of the powdered laundry detergent, powdered bleach, and the stack of clean rags I kept down there. Not to mention, (but several weeks later), one of the extra cans of pineapple I had temporarily stored on the utility shelf rusted through the bottom, and leaked sticky pineapple juice all over the bottom of everything else, dripping down on top of the other, fairly dry items on the shelf below.
The washer and dryer complained loudly as I stuffed clothes, rugs, and towels in and pulled them out, and, the next week, the dryer took to heating up to the max, and its timer quit working, so I had to go down and turn it off manually by egg timer.Our towels became giant balls of cotton fluff, and the excess lint blew in wisps around the basement floor andclogged around the motor.
Finally, one bright morning, I was frantically getting ready for work and my heated electric rollers just died. They had been completely unaffected by the flooding of the kitchen, but in a spirit of solidarity with the strike, they just wouldn't heat. Suddenly. I went to work that day, looking like Tina Turner in "Thunderdome", but of course, she is beautiful and I'm not.
Within two months, we replaced the dishwasher, the dryer, the disposal, repaired the refrigerator, (after losing everything in the freezer), replaced the microwave, and repaired the stove, which had decided, after 30 years of faithful service, to arc weld the burner to the drip pan.
The toaster blew, the electric can opener quit, and the coffee maker began to brew oil. My new electric rollers didn't heat as well as the old ones, and the tile flooring under the tap dancing refrigerator had cracked. Lastly, in this litany of woe, my old time electric mixer, decided one day to grab the bowl of cake mix and hurl it across the room, in a temper tantrum, onto the suddenly peeling wall paper.
Like a stack of dominoes, each and every appliance in the house became seriously ill, or just up and died. And all this-- from one little refund check from the IRS. Thank you, Uncle Sam.
Thanks for coming by to see me!
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As many of you know, I like to write stories... It breaks the monotony and is really a lot more fun than writing about groundwater all the time!
I hope you enjoy this tale of domestic woe-- and can appreciate the finer points of our somewhat complicated lives at home!
Thanks for coming by to see me!
I went to work that day, looking like Tina Turner in "Thunderdome", but of course, she is beautiful and I'm not.
How hot is that? OMGosh. A cold shower is in order, I think.
This is a fun story, thanks. Just the kind of thing a guy needs to read before he hits the sack. Should I sleep with the lights on?
If you had seen my hair that day, you might want to leave a light on...
My hair has a life of its own-- I roll it to tame it, sort of a "Take THAT" to make it lie down, sort of.
I'm very glad that you liked it-- I resurrected it and rewrote it here and there. I like to write these slice of life things, and am bored out of my skull with politics! Too much angst out there!
We may as well enjoy being together, right?
MUCH love to you, my dear friend!
OMG Dowser! I can't believe that you lost all those appliances in one go! And they went in such a big way! Sounded like an homeowners nightmare!
But you are right about appliances. They do conspire to get us... and so do the gods.
My brand new car, not yet two weeks old, got rear ended with my daughter at the wheel with her learners permit. Yes, $1600 later... we'll get the car back next week.
BTW.. love that Thunderdomedescription! I have an excellent visual in my head.
It looked like I had stuck my finger in an electric light socket!
I'm so sorry about your car-- I saw your article and commented on it. If you're ever down our way, my husband fixes cars for a living, and I know he would gladly help you get the parts you need, or whatever!
Your Subaru looked just like my Trevor, except that Trevor was white! I have Rosalie now, and she's red... Outback is the way to go!
Take care, dear Perry, and thanks so much for coming by to see me!
News of your appliances is apparently starting a more general rebellion . Y'day I plugged in my steam iron . When I was arranging the power cord to get it out of the way I got an unpleasant surprise ... a 120 V surprise to be exact .The wire had some bare spots on it ...
My Lord Rich. You actually IRON stuff? I haven't used an iron to do anything but put a patch on a pair of jeans in twenty years. Didn't anybody tell you about that new stuff they've got out now? It's called Permanent Press.
No ... I don't iron stuff to get it to look flat . I was drying some damp items . But thanks for making it seem I am unhip . I admit it . I am unhip . Also uncool . That is my form of rebellion ...
My truck is named Mabel. I don't even have a car.
I bet that Mabel is wonderful! After all, she takes you places!
EGADS! That's not good!
My grandpa's Capeheart was like that-- to turn it on, you had to use rubber handled pliers, otherwise, it made your hair stand on end...
The last time I used an iron, it was to melt crayons between sheets of waxed paper for one of Peep's projects. What fun!
Planned obscelescence, (spelling?)... Way back in the day, things used to last a loooong time, but no more of that!
I've always preferred to fix what I have, rather than buy new, if you can. But, sometimes, it's not worth it.
Thanks, Catka! Hope you are well!
That's just crappy. My aunt has her old 60 year old toaster and it still toasts just fine. She got it when they put electricity in the house.
The only good appliance I have is my Speed Queen washer and dryer and they are pushing 30 years old. My table saw is a maxed out Delta made in America (new ones are made in China) and it should last forever. Other than that, the rest of it is junk.
Our stuff is junk, too-- and it makes me very mad!!! That is just pouring good money down the drain, to me!
Don't know how to fix it, either... Long life in appliances is just a thing of the past.
Yeah, just ask Marine. He made a fortune repairing those pieces of junk, I imagine.
Thanks so much! 'tis a sad, but true, tale of woe!!!
So you're like me . You refuse to throw away an appliance if it still works even if it has become obsolete ...
That's why I use my grandma' s flat iron as a doorstop! And my grandparent' s first radio as a planter... etc., etc.
Well, good for Marine!
Grandpa made many a trip to the local junk yard to salvage appliances-- which he then fixed and we used. It was marvelous! He bought me an old, dented, rusted, pedal car for 50 cents back in 1959. My husband restored it, and it's now worth about $1000. My son drove it, and played in it-- and both of us had a wonderful time with that 50 cent investment!
OMGosh, I love trips to the junk yard or the local salvage yards. They are full of wonderful treasures. I had a pedal car when I was a kid, I got it for Christmas on year. I wore it out. I have no idea where it went off to. Maybe it is sitting in someone's den, repainted, polished and treasured by the new owner. I hope so.
I hope so, too!
Mine was pretty worn out when I got it, but Grandpa worked on its pedals, and sanded all the rust off, and painted it, and away I went, down the sidewalk... It was so much fun! Then my husband took it o the shop, banged the dents out, bondo-ed parts of it, sanded it, and put it in the paint booth-- The detailer at the shop put racing stripes on it, just like they were originally... I love it! He played and played in it!
I know they are possessed...
On the other hand, they were all about the same age, (aka "Early Marriage"), and likely just fialed according to schedule.
But, it felt as if it were a malevolent influence...
Thanks for coming by, dear friend!
Take your car keys to the mailbox every time, and when that check arrives, head straight for the bank. Don't let even a whiff of it get anywhere near the house.
Just hope Rosalie is not in cahoots with the hot water heater.
Neetu-- Bless your sweet heart! Far from it!
Susanaree--BOY! That's the truth!
Never again will I allow one hint of a "windfall", however small, to be advertised in the house...
LOVE you both!!!
my cars do this to me every time!!!
I would think you could sell both of those items as antiques on e-bay , but try to get the radio working first ...
Never. Grandma' s flatiron was the "toy" she had as a child, (1890s). The radio is the metal box only. Grandpa bought it in Louisville and brought it home to Grandma in Hawesville in the early 20s. He took all the innards out, turned it on its side and turned it into a planter box on its wrought iron legs in the 40s. I can't sell them, they're history...
Nice! Er, I mean too bad about your appliances. Nice story though... This belongs under "They'll do it every time"
Yes, they will... and yes, it does.... and yes, thanks for coming by!
My mother sent me a little $$ for spending so much at Christmas, and I said NOT ONE WORD about it. It will pay for a couple of horn lessons for my boy, and I don't want some igmo appliance getting their little hands on it.
I am so very very sorry! What you went through was an absolute nightmare!
My little problems were more of an annoyance... But we were broke for awhile-- replacing all that stuff wasn't cheap!
I'm so very sorry that you've gone through this! MUCH love to you!
just like a woman to blame the males for the mess,...isn't male mouse bashing against the coc here???...
Male dogs/cats are the exception, I think... As much as we love them, they can be ornery...
i remember reading about this when it first happened,...i felt badfor you and your family,..i even yelled oh no into my monitor,...but atlas i think you were too busy with the other comments you just couldn't hear me,.....
((((((((LoneRanger)))))))
Dowser,
You have so many articles up I just had to get dual Monitors just to keep up with you,....
Darling! Thanks so much!
I'm hoping that is a loving hug, as opposed to a death grip...