Retiree
It always seems that there are folks who think that when we retired we shut down our brains, too. With that in mind I submit for all of the dog lovers the following. My Brother in Law sent it to me so I can't give proper credit to whomever wrote it. I have changed the store name in order to localize it for me.That in case anyone is wondering is so I can find my way home!
A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX
Yesterday I was at my local Publix buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What the heckdid she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
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Good one, tsula. I enjoyed that one. Hmmmmm..........no body better ask me if I have a dog when I'm in line. I know what I am going to say. Thanks.
LOL Tusla... I'm gonna tell my dad that one. He's love to use it! Right up his ally!
Thanks to the both of you. Things like thistickle my fancy because I can just see the look on her face as he went through this story and she realizes that she has been had! Never mess with us old folks, don'tcha know!!
On the dog food diet, you need to add a little fiber to your diet. Prunes or figs are best.
These truly are fun for me and I'm glad that you all like them too! Grump it'll have to be prunes because I hate figs.
Prunes are good! 
OMGosh, I love figs. When I was in Spain, a friend brought over a basket full of fresh figs. I must have eaten a dozen of them. She told me I had better stop, but I just couldn't.
I'm glad you revealed all with that awesome punchline ... Nice one tsula !