I Was There When Ben Carson Witnessed Robbery At Popeye's
That holdup at Popeye’s
I’m pretty sure Ben Carson is telling the truth because I think I was there
October 15, 2015 12:00 AM
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It is unfortunate that some people are doubting presidential candidate Ben Carson’s story about the time he encountered a gun, citing the fact that there is no police report of the incident. I can attest that it happened. I remember that day well.
I had stopped in a Popeye’s organization in Baltimore for some fried chicken. The place was crowded; in line in front of me there were a bunch of kids, possibly driven autistic by vaccines that were given at too-short intervals. Who knows?
An African-American man got in line behind me. By way of starting a conversation, he said, “I’m actually a vegetarian. I only come here for the French fries.” I nodded politely, and turned back to read the menu board, trying to decide between the wing and thigh combo or the breast. I heard a little commotion behind me.
I turned to see a white guy had a handgun pointed at the ribs of the black man. The black guy looked very smart, like a doctor or something. The kind of guy who was used to giving serious advice and having it taken seriously. He said to the robber in an authoritative voice, “No, no, my good man, you want to hold up him.” He pointed out the fast food clerk. “I am but a poor brain surgeon — the real money is in the cash register.”
The gambit worked: the gunman turned toward the counter. The black man whispered to me, “I’m not going to just die here! Let’s rush him!” He pushed me toward the robber. Of course I was armed, as every good guy should be, but there were so many kids in my line of fire.
The black man said, “Don’t shoot! If you wound one of the kids, they will be subjected to Obamacare, which is the worst thing that has happened to America since slavery!” He quickly added, “But seeing one of those kids bleeding to death here on the floor of this Popeye’s organization would not be nearly as bad as having someone try to take away your gun!”
I felt sorry for the hold-up man, who was clearly the victim of a bad upbringing by a single welfare mom, but I couldn’t let those kids get hurt so I grabbed the assailant and knocked the gun from his hand. Since there is no proof that gravity exists, the gun fell upward and got stuck on the ceiling. The bad guy fled.
The black man and I chased the now-unarmed gunman into the street. There, the would-be criminal tried to blend in with a crowd of Jews who had shot their way out of Nazi Germany. The bad guy was so busy looking back over his shoulder he tripped over the bones of a recently deceased dinosaur. The poor creature must have died only 5,000 years ago or so and was still bleeding in the street.
I wanted to call the police, but my fellow good guy said he was afraid that if the gunman went to prison he’d probably be turned gay and the world already has too many gay people, who should not be allowed to get married or adopt kids.
This good guy sounded so smart and serious, I had to agree. I hope this explains why there is no police report.
Walter G. Meyer, a native of Bethel Park, is the author of the novel “Rounding Third” and lives in San Diego (walt@waltergmeyer.com).
http://www.post-gazette.com/opinion/2015/10/15/That-holdup-at-Popeye-s/stories/201510150011
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"I’m pretty sure Ben Carson is telling the truth because I think I was there "
Ha!
Well, with all this new detail Dr. Carson's story does make more sense now.
Or as Jon Lovitz would put it;
Yeah, that's the ticket!
But AK, he's a neurosurgeon who overcame poverty, so it's all good anyway ol way.
Lol!
Besides that, who the heck says Popeye's organization?