Let’s face it—as a geologist, I’ve driven on some bad roads… Some VERY bad roads. I’ve made it through Eastern KY on old logging roads, that aren’t really roads at all, but are more like pathways through the forest, clinging to the side of a mountain. Coal mining roads, where one must dodge loaded coal trucks and various mining implements to just get to the office, not even to the place where we’re drilling. The Long Island Expressway, in rush hour traffic, sandwiched behind a truck with a ladder out the back, who loved to put on his breaks unexpectedly, and a taxi in the back, who loved to blow his horn. Roads created by the drilling crews through corn fields and soy bean fields.
So let me say this, Highway 160 in Missouri is not that bad a road—it has good pavement, few breaks in the pavement, and few of those places where the bottom drops out of your car and then there’s a little sign that says, “Dip”. Are they calling me a dip? Surely they can't mean that that giant cavern I just fell into was just a little "dip". I give the state credit, for maintaining this road as well as they do, and I want to say thank you, State of Missouri. Now, just straighten it out a bit…
We left Marion, KY, and headed west, trying to get as far into Missouri as we could before dark. That was about 3:30 in the afternoon. Please remember that I’ve been recently diagnosed with a herniated disk, an impinged disk, and accelerated arthritis in my left hip—so I’m not in such great shape. I also have had a stroke in one eye, so I’m driving with one good eye, which was my bad eye, (poorest vision), and I have heart failure, so stamina is NOT my forte. The pain has been so bad in my back and down my legs that I’ve voluntarily taken shots in my back to ease it. Fortunately, they are working, so I’m able to lift my feet again, and not walk dragging my toes around the ground. Yes, I am grateful!
Thanks to my one good eye, I can still drive, though I’ve become a somewhat fearful driver—I have no depth perception any more, up close, although far away, I do all right. This means I can see that the semi is closer to me than the farm tractor, but I can’t grab a piece of paper from my son’s hand, with any accuracy. What is, is, and I figure I’d better be able to drive or I’ll be stuck, forever, at home. My son had this little window of opportunity to take a vacation, (although my poor husband is stuck working every day), so Matthew and I decided to take a road trip. We had never been to Branson, MO, and I’ve always wanted to meet Kavika and his family, so off we went. Since I was planning the trip, and my son was amenable, we decided to visit the local geologic and historical wonders—then head to Branson, then come back towards Louisville and see the Shut-ins, Elephant Rocks, and maybe even the Wickliffe Mounds State Park in far western KY.
My son has been my navigator—and may be dismissed from the position, permanently, if he takes another one of the “scenic routes” like we took… It is obvious to me that whoever designed and laid out Highway 160 in MO found a deer trail or two and followed them, like the little bread crumbs of Hansel and Gretel… First, we went through the far western part of KY, which is, in and of itself, a trip. From Marion, KY, we drove back to Kuttawa, where we started that morning, finally picked up I24, and then got off at Lone Oak, just west of Paducah to get on Highway 60. Highway 60 is an old friend… It goes through Owensboro, my home town, and we even live off of Highway 60 in Louisville—so I felt reassured that it was a decent road— if two-lane— and it would be fine, just fine.
It was… Until we got near Kevil. At this point, the road narrowed, and the farmers decided to come out and parade their implements. Farmers are a busy lot, and they are kings here in the state, so the whole world waits as they chuggity-chug their giant combines and other equipment down the highway and if you’re in a hurry, just tough luck. I would probably feel the same, but when you’ve managed to back up 30+ cars into a line behind you, it’s time to pull over and let everybody go past you. No dice. We slowly drove through Kevil, which is a large enough wide spot in the road to actually have numbered streets—up to 7 th Street. Yes, you should be impressed. This is a booming Metropolis, compared to a lot of places in the state. We passed Monkey’s Eyebrow and Devil’s Elbow on our way to Kevil, with nary a glitch, but at Kevil, we hit a snag. The snag was named Farmer Joe and suddenly, we were just creeping along, hoping that the oncoming traffic would not hit the implement and snarl traffic further. We made it through Barstow, another exciting little lit cemetery, and finally, FINALLY, to Wickliffe.
Wickliffe is at the edge of things. It feels as if it is the stepping off point to the end of the world, but it is really at the junction of three states, KY, MO, and IL. There is a state park there, Wickliffe Mounds State Park, that we hope to hit on our way home, and there is a giant bridge over the Ohio River. Fortunately, Highway 60 spits you directly onto the bridges, because there are two—one over a large creek and one over the Ohio River. We crossed that bridge and we were in Illinois, briefly, just long enough to turn left and take the GIANT bridge over the Mississippi. On the other side of the bridge, we were in Missouri, and I felt a surge of joy as we had reached at least one of our goals, we made it to Missouri! The road doubles back on itself, (after all, it had nothing better to do), and we got a view of the mouth of the Ohio River. I had never seen this before, and in brief glances from my good eye, I know it was there—but there were so many islands, I’m not really sure which body of water it was…
We stayed on Highway 60, which is a LOVELY road, 4 lane, somewhat limited access, and all, down to Poplar Bluff, and then, the navigator, my son, said, turn left here. “Get off here?” I asked in disbelief… Yep, go south on 67, to 160 W and that takes us straight to Branson. STRAIGHT? YOU”VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!
From this view, the Ohio River is the large river coming from the north and the Mississippi River is the one on the left. You can see the road doubling back, sort of, and you can get a view of where the two of them meet. All the islands are confusing, as to which river is where....
Highway 160 is nothing but twists and turns, scaling huge hills, and winding around tight corners… Speed limit 55. All I can say is HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? Try 45, top speed. Plus, whoever measured the mileage from place to place either guessed, or used several different methods of measurement—maybe a chalk wheel?—because everything moved. The sign read Alton 24 miles. We drove 5 miles, by my odometer, and the sign read Alton 22 miles… Was Alton running away? We would get to the top of a hill, have to pirouette like a ballet dancer on the left bumper to make a sharp right at the top of the hill. Next sign Alton 18 miles, and we had driven 10 miles… Were they measuring as the distance to Alton via St. Louis, or what? The scenery was beautiful—forests, quiet farms, loads of cows—lots and lots of cows—guineas, turkeys, a few chickens, and then BAM, at the foot of a hill, the road took a sharp left, almost heaving us up into someone’s driveway, and the sign reads: “Briar”. This is a town? There is one house here—but maybe it is really a dumping area… The very next sign read “Handy”—is Handy a suburb of Briar? Neither is on the map… Next sign, Alton 15 miles and we had driven another 10 miles, at least… At this point, I asked, “Just Where the Hell is Alton?” My son, who doesn’t drive yet, said, “It’s just up ahead, Mom…”
One could see the road, way ahead, going straight up a hill, and I would wonder, “How in the Hell do I get there?” It’s one of those questions that you don’t really want to know the answer… It’s around this pond, side-swiping this barn, skittering between the trees, around this hairpin curve, which is also on a hill, and then, suddenly, you’re there and trying to climb up the side of a mountain… Finally, at 9:30 pm, my hands frozen into claws from gripping the steering wheel, both legs numb, that we passed Alton—a flash in the pan, and came into West Plains, that actually had a nice hotel… Thankfully!
This was one of the few road hazard signs we missed on our trek... But I fully expected to see it, as we tried to find Alton....
We got to our room and both of us collapsed into bed… The next day, we made it into Branson, which was also a MIRACLE…
I feel fairly miraculous today, as we are still on our trip and still alive…
Thanks for coming by!
We are in Farmington, MO today, and it took most of the day to get the car fixed... More about that later. But I just got up from a 3 hour nap. I was DONE IN...
Branson was so lovely! More coming!!!
One thing I don't understand about MO is the road signs. You'll be driving along and suddenly there is a sign that reads R W. What the hell? Not that numbering them is any better, but what on earth does that mean? The first road we came to in MO was labeled EE. Are these map coordinates? We're not used to anything on the ground being synonymous with an actual spot on a map, and our numbering system leaves much to be desired-- after all, we became a state before the Township and Range stuff became the law of the land. But what is this? Does anyone know?
Day 1 driving maps:
It seemed as if we had driven forever when we got to West Plains-- but it was only 267 miles. I'm just not able to marathon drive, any more... MO is a very beautiful state-- or at least this part is. It feels a lot like KY, and the closer to Branson one gets, the more it feels like Gatlinburg, TN... Beautiful scenery-- lots of dead armadillos... I hope we see a live one so that Matthew can see what one alive looks like, rather than a smashed one. We don't have those in KY...
LMAO Dowser. You know that we make the roads extra windy just for tourists, don't you. Now as for the road signs and street names, it's really quite simple it's another trick on tourists. EE to us from the Show Me state all know that it the abbreviation of Echo St. You'll find this through out SW Missouri.
I live on RB Road...of course all us Show Me people know that is the abbreviation for ''rough bump'' Rd. See it's really simple. You'll know that it's Rough Bump Rd when you hit the first bump and you head smacks the roof of your car. Most of us drive farm equipment, don't have to worry about hitting your head on the roof, since there isn't one.
You have to be a bit careful of those one or two house towns...We've lost a lot of tourists that have stopped for directions. Seems that they are never seen again. Norman Bates thingy we think, but we don't investigate the disappearance since there only tourists.
Other than that your going to have a good time in Branson, where musicians go to die....
I had a professor who called them "Torsts". Yeah, I've felt like a "torst" of late-- the Where Am I syndrome...
As far as being "lost", so to speak, don't remind me, please, of Deliverance ... Or Psycho ... Every hotel I go into, I check behind the shower curtain!
We've had such fun, and the driving was certainly part of it! We're heading over to the Shut ins tomorrow, I hope. After getting the car fixed, I was just done in... Brake shock, no doubt. I remember when I drove Nellie, whose total cost was $500, that Goodwrench wanted to charge me $550 for brakes. No way was I gonna pay more for brakes than I did for the whole car... At any rate, I got them fixed for $25 worth of parts and total labor of $100. I mean Gee, was Goodwrench trying to rip me off or what?
Meineke was good to me, and for that, I was appreciative. So, when they said they needed $500 to turn off the BRAKE light, I wasn't surprised. Just about anything Rosalie needs costs $500. But I love her and she has been good and faithful. At least she warned me. Unlike other cars that just quit.
I wish I had remembered to ask about Amos. Matthew needs to see a whole armadillo, not a squished one. They are really neat animals, all in all, and I wish we had them in KY-- it must be the heat here in MO that attracts them...
DANG, it has been hot. Brain-fryingly hot. I just creep along on the asphalt parking lots, thinking I'm going to melt into a puddle before I can get into a store... We're buying ice for the cooler twice a day!
I told John that we couldn't come home yet-- I still had some clean clothes to wear. He was not impressed.
You didn't tell me that Matthew wanted to see an armadillo. Amos lives under our front deck.
BTW, good thing that you didn't run into one of these on the road..They are hell to pass.
OH MY GOSH, we've seen one of these-- all folded up. In fact, we got stuck behind one... I know that farming is the life blood of our country, and I surely don't want to diss on farmers, but Geemonetti, guys, pull over and let the traffic pass! The corn here is nearly 6' tall, so it looks like a bumper crop. And don't worry, out west, if you have no hay because of the drought. Everyone over here can sell LOTS of hay to you!
We've had a great time, all in all. Even Rosalie's little fit wasn't bad...
That last traffic sign seems reminiscent of a giant sea serpent such as the ones depicted here :
Exactly!!! I expected a sea serpent to rise up out of those creeks and "get" us!
That would be a creek serpent ... a completely different critter !
Oh my! We've seen some creeks, for sure.... VERY beautiful place, Southern MO!!!
Maybe EE is the sound you are supposed to make? Like EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, but only abbreviated?
Great adventure! Keep us informed.
I will keep this in mind! We're supposed to find the N highway today, on the way to the Shut-ins--- Maybe that is an abbreviation for Nooooooo!
What a hoot! And what a wonderful idea!
This IS an adventure... Take one little old lady with brillo pad hair, (the humidity is a killer to my hair), add a teenager who doesn't drive and really can't read a map, and send them off into the wilderness... Yup, the comic possibilities are endless!
Dowser, I thank you for your compliment about my photo essays, but your narratives are far superior and much funnier than mine.
You are MUCH too kind! I adore your pictures and narratives! Look forward to them, each and every time you publish them! Please publish more! I would love to see them!
Thank you, dear friend Buzz!
There will be a new one within a couple of days. I went to a magnificent Tao temple and a Movie museum. a cuuple of days ago.
Something for me to look forward to!!!
Lady Dowser - I read your post last night and had quite the chuckle. I'm really enjoying reading about you and your sons adventures. Keep on keeping on!!!! Safe travels and I'm looking forward to your next post!
Thank you, dear Pj! We've had quite the adventure! Next up: Our visit with Kavika... We're at the hotel, back in Kuttawa, in the same friendly room, and I'm done in. I only drove about 6 hours, but my hands are like claws, and my back is a mess... I must have sat on my cushions crookedly...
For a while, the CD player was playing music that went right along with where we were, like a sound track. It was NEAT! I make my own CDs, so I always have music to listen to, and it was funny-- I'll never hear those songs again without thinking of this trip!
MUCH love to you!
"I’ve driven on some bad roads… Some VERY bad roads."
Try to get by on those gravel country roads during a bad Canadian winter. I recall having to be towed out by a team of horses. The only way to get by is with a 4-wheeler with a winch mounted on the front bumper to hook up to the trees, or else give it up and use a horse-drawn sleigh (or a team of Huskies).
Oh my!
I can't say we didn't drill in bad weather, because we did... But if it got too cold, the rig froze up in spots, and that was dangerous, so when it got to be a chill factor of -45o, we quit. Up in Northern, IN, it got awfully cold at times... I parked at the farmer's house and rode in with the drillers... It was way too much for my car!
I remember one day the temperature got up to 0o, and it felt like a heat wave... I had on too many layers and had to peel a few off. But, my hands still froze, (figuratively speaking). The water was 54o, as were the samples I had to feel. Thank heavens for my wonderful drilling crew who would heat a towel over their propane heater and grab my hands. Tears would run down my cheeks and freeze, it hurt so badly.
I can't imagine going on such roads in the snow, for sure!
Okay Dowser, you win! LOL
Oh no!!! It's much worse up there in Canada!!! But, I nearly froze in Northern IN... It was awful! YOu know, it uses up a lot of energy to shiver... By the end of the day, I was whipped!
I've loved your stories since our newsvine days. Always a great read, you're a talented writer.
Bless your heart! Thank you, so much!
I've been working on the next one...