Plans Underway for Trump's Presidential Library and Adult Book Store
DISCLAIMER : Adult language and content throw around here! Beware: Or, in your underwear!
If you are offended by words, not deeds, you may want to skip these riveting pages and slither over to a "WRONG WING NUT JOB" DISCUSSION GROUP.
As Publisher & Flounder of the "Less Than Presidigous, Award Adverse", EAT THE PRESS - DO NOT READ It, Don't Read Anything! Ignorance is Bliss is exclusively a serious publication for Morons, no idiots, please.
As the CEO & FLOUNDER of America's First Fake News outlet, I am proud to announce that we are now starting a new project:
The Trump Presidential Library And Adult Book Store!
It has long been my lifetime ambition to honor America's Top Moron, Donald J. Trump before he is indicted, impeached, imprisoned, or, Electrified fried.
After weeks of searching, we have decided on a condemned piece of property, donated for that expressed purpose by my good buddy and fellow publisher, Larry Flynt, owner of Hustler magazine. The location shown below is an ideal site because, ironically, it once was a Taco Stand.
The plans, currently underway and underground, are concealed in a "hermetically sealed" Mason Jar, for security reasons due to the fact that they include a handwritten invitation to Porn Star, "Stormy Daniels", from "the love-struck Donald", asking Stormy (well, actually begging her) if she would host the opening ceremonies.
Stormy's speech is co-written by the other Porn Star in "the Donald's" life Melania, who performed under the name of Melanoma.
Sarah Sanders Huckabee and Kelly Ann Conway have signed contractual agreements to p.erform excerpts from their best-selling Internet Video, "Bedroom Romps in the Lincoln Room With You Know Who"!
Stormy has also announced through her attorney, currently indicted for various and sundry "Trumped" up charges, to donated her extensive collection of videos, pictures and audio tapes of AMERICA'S FIRST FAKE PRESIDENT, Donald J. Trump, and, Miss Daniel raw, lustful "Fake Organism".
We, also, are at liberty to announce that we have hired Doctor Been Crazy, former head of HUD, as our janitor, along with a well known set up man, Rudio Guiliana, to decorate the joint with Ornate, False Over-The-Top Excuses "Why Wrong Is Right and Right Is Wrong.
Hillary Rodham Clinton, former Secretary of State (now a dancer with the Bolshoi Ballet in Moscow) will give the Eulogy.
Unfortunately, Putin, Trump longtime pal, has declined to attend since his "quicky marriage" to Melania, but, did agree to allow her to attend, since she served so admirably as Putin's personal Red Sparrow providing valuable information to the KGB.
Other former Trump Administration officials expected to attend, if not indicted, including Vice President Mike Pence, who will officiate as "the official Azz Wiper", an honorary, unpaid position that requires decades of experience and use of one's own rolls of toilet tissue. Former Attorney General, William Barr, who "flipped" on the Donald to save his own fat azz, and, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who just wants to "piss on him".
The Library will feature Donald J. Trump's complete presidential papers, the personal drawings that he did during his national security briefings, when he should have been listening to the Director of the National Security Council, instead of "doodling".
The rest of the First Family, Ivanka, John, Jr., Eric, etc., if not in lockup, have all agreed to donate a number of family heirlooms and photographs. These will be displayed in what was formerly known as the "mechanic's bay.
Some of the better know photos are showcased here!
Baron, will not be attending. He is still tied to a bed in his room in Trump Towers and rarely leave the premise, even as it is being torn down for scrap iron by creditors.
As founder of the "Trump Presidential Library and Adult Store", I am personally extending an "open invitation" to all the members of TheNewsTalker.com community of "Misfits, Crack Pots and Left Leaning Liberal Too Lazy to Work", to send us your favorite Trump quotes, comments, and/or your own vile statements that you concocted to describe Trump to Eat The Press - Do Not Wipe Your Bun With It, (that's Pence's job) % of EatThePress-DoNotReadIt.thenewstalker.com, or, simply drop them off at any local prison. They will review, edit and forward them (free of charge) to our team of unpaid winos, here, at EAT PRESS, who will do same.
As always, remember the Center for Disease Control advises all Americans to, "Start your day with your morning TRUMP DUMP. Don't forget to WIPE YOUR PENCE! That thing is more toxic than your Trump Dump!"
Sin-cerely,
Winthrop Merideth, The III
Publisher & Flounder
Eat The Press-Do Not Let Your Cat Mess On It!
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If you have any old POS related to Trump and desire to exorcise it, but, don't have the money to hire an expert, why not donate it to the Trump Presidential Library and Adult Book Store?
I think he has an unopened copy of the book "Everyday Ethics" in a closet somewhere.
That artifact would be priceless. We will give you a "shiny new nickel" for it.
I have some Richie Rich comics that I can donate.
Hal: Yes, please do. That is his favorite role model which helped to form his early childhood.
I hear the arcade is nice...
Yes, it is JBB, we've installed pinball machines, a miniature golf course, one hole and a row of local prostitutes who tell of their adventures in the hay with "the Donald". There is also a row of various "paddles" on display.
I sense that some readers have missed the "solemnity" of this H U G E CIVIC UNDERTAKING and are not contributing, as is mandatory, in our new authoritarian run prison/government, where we are all inmates, in it together.
You do not want to get on "The Donald's Bad Side". He is very vindictive. So, remember CASH is nice.
Help, how do I copy this IMPORTANT PUBLIC NOTICE and/or correct the deliberate typos, missed spellings, error, here, in the "My Discussion" Page?
Frankly, I believe someone is trolling me and has hacked into my brain for this disruptive purpose. No one could be this stupid without falling down.
Thank you, Anonymous, for that CRANK CALL. I was able to use your recommendations to correct the mistakes deliberately planted in my pristine column by Russian Snackers.
I believe GOD directed this article. Read it with reverence. Don't forget your tithe!
Boris and Natasha will be acting as greeters.
Thank you for that wonderful addition to our collection.
Thanks, Kavika, as you know, we are a KNOW NOTHINGS fake organization, so, your contributions may not be tax deductible, but, they sure are fun!
I suggest adding Presidential Travel Pee Jars. They are for the times he is away somewhere and no Russian Hookers are available.
This just in, an original cartoon created by Jin Carrey, the world's most "Bizarre Comedian" turned cartoonist
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Again, thanks to Stormy Daniels, we NOW have Trump's underwear to display. We are contrasting and comparing them to President Taft's to see who is the FATTER.
They can't be his....no skid marks.
I have a Certificate of Authentication from "Stormy" that says they are real. However, you are perceptive. There are no "skip marks" because "Stormy" is a classy Porn Star. She generously washed them out, six times, to get rid of the "tell-tale" signs.
Now, isn't that Love, Paula?
Oh, thank you, thank you, Paula. I am such a laugh whore. I need it, I need it, can't get enough. Do it again, untill we are sore.
Other memorabilia pouring in from as far away as Russia includes these rarely seen photos from Putin.
Even Vice President Pence, the First Closet Queen has pitched in with his photo of he and Trump together for the last time.
Stormy Daniels, never one to be upstaged sent this rare photo of the Menage Trois!
It is more like a manage a twitter.
I am not certain I understand that phrase, "It's more like a managed twitter".
Is that one of those new phrases kids are slinging around these days like, "BTW", or, for "Silence, please, class", they say "STFU"?
Let me try again
Menage a twit(ter)
Oh, thank you. That is so "sexy", I was not aware that that was possible.
Jim Carrey's Masterpiece, "The Presidential Seal" was on loan to the New York Metropolitan Museum and had to be ripped from the wall of the Men's Room, carted off by our curator. Sorry for the confusion. But, what am I, if not confused?
I find most of this offensive, but, I can't stop myself from looking.
To be clear, let it be known far and near, that my goal, here, at Eat The Press - Do Not Wipe Your Bun With It, is not to illicit "giggles".
No siree bob, I wish to change the world, but, first, I must change my DEPENDS. Getting old sucks. I don't suck. Getting old sucks!
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Menage a twit(ter)