In Response To Growing Number Of Fistfights, London Mayor Bans Hands
LONDON—In response to a recent outbreak in fistfights, London mayor Sadiq Khan announced Monday a sweeping ban of hands in the city, effective immediately.
“No excuses: there is never a reason to have hands in a modern, civil society. Anyone who does will be caught, and they will feel the full force of the law,” Khan said at a press conference announcing the new policy during which he revealed that he has had his own hands surgically removed as a good-faith move to jump-start the new regulations.
Along with the new hand-control measures, Khan announced a new task force focused on purging the city of hands, as well as an expanded police presence focused on stopping and searching citizens who they think may have failed to have their hands removed from their person.
At publishing time, rumors were swirling that the mayor was planning on banning feet after two handless men got into a quarrel and began kicking each other.
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Since you can't have guns, now we have to take away knives......On their way to becoming a Spork City. Once again, the stupidity rears its ugly head-we all know that people with malicious intent will be turning in their knives.......
At what point do they address the Operator and not the instrument?
The Babylon Bee - too funny - the Evangelical version of "The Onion".
Good laugh - very much appreciated!
Yeah, I thought it was a funny story-though I had never heard of the Babylon bee before. I may have to look into it a bit more, as we could all use a few more laughs.
How will Princes William and Harry play polo?
Stick tied to? Hmmmm......might have to teach the horse to kick the ball....
I'm LOLing. Thank you.
Dear Friend Spikegary: Does this mean that the German immigrants in London in certain situations have to change their names?
Examples of this are Hans Hupp, Hans Town and Mitt Nick.
Enoch, Driving Back from Gloversville.
What worries me, is how will the Italian Immigrants be able to communicate at all?
Uh-Oh, More Braking News from London!
Eating a cheeseburger will be a challenge.