Limericks
A limerick must be funny and preferably politely bawdy. Limericks are “closed form” poems that adhere to a strict template. Follow these guidelines, although I don't think you have to be perfect:
The last word in lines 1, 2, and 5 must rhyme and contain 8-9 syllables each.
The last word in lines 3 and 4 must rhyme and contain 5-6 syllables each.
This one has been attributed to Ogden Nash:
“A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill can hold more than his beli-can.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week
But I’m damned if I see how the heli-can.”
Although usually ones that start with this first line are often censored, I like this one, that has been attributed to the Princeton Humour Magazine:
“There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.”
I gave it a try, although it's not bawdy:
In my sixties I retired from Law,
Then a chance for adventure I saw.
To China I moved
Which certainly proved
My decision was never a flaw.
Now let's see YOU try to write one.
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Where are the poets among us?
I'm in Limerick Ireland...Where are you?
" they fought like warrior poets .... they fought like Scotsmen..."
There was once a lady who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.
She said be nice.
Or pay the price and,
No more of your boo hoos.
Mary had a little lamb.
its fleece was black as soot.
And everywhere that Mary went
His sooty foot he put.
Enoch
Sorry, I had to do it.......
Celebrating Beltane?
There was an old con man named Trump
whose lies made the whole nation to grump
in time they arose
and punched him in the nose
saying "we're tired of being the chump"
mmmm, that went over about as well as a fart in church in the front pew.....
There once was a fart in a church pew
It hung around like it had virtue
The parishioners said
They wished they were dead
And ran from the church yelling peeyew
How sad for you. You must not even be able to sleep at night.
You people have no sense of humor. It's pathetic and makes you susceptible to being played.
Come on John, just ONCE can you forget to post your signature topic?
There was a fair maiden named Cass
whose nose was as big as her ass
she sneezed and then farted
the convulsing that started
then brought a great earthquake to pass
There was a young woman from St. Paul
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball
The dress caught on fire
And burned her entire
Sporting section and all
There was once a lady from madras,
who had the most MAGNIFICANT Ass
not pretty and pink , \as you all probly think
but was grey , and had long ears and ate grass.
Roll me over in the clover , roll me over lay me down and do it again.....
LOL
there was once an air force pilot named kildaire
who screwed a young lady on the stairs
the banister broke
on the 49th stroke
so he finished her off , in midair.
Okay, just to warn you, you could consider this bawdy one a little racist, but realizing that I'm white and married to a Chinese Buddhist, you would know that I'm not a racist.
There once was a young lad named Sharkey
Who spent a whole night with a darkey.
He paid for his sins,
With quadruplets, not twins,
One white, one black, and two khaki.
(Could that be genetically accurate?)
ill have a shot o Tennessee fire for that one ...
and no i haven t done this before . pinochio ______________i hate it when she sits on me and tells me to lie and then tell the truth repeatedly.....
There was a rich woman from Laloon
Whose bubbies popped out like balloons
But the butler stood by
With hauter in his eyes
And put them back in with a large wooden spoon
hey buzz , make it a contest, most votes up gets bragging rights , but in order to vote one must first submit a limerick, and you CANT vote your own up.
I thought about that, my brother did that (I got this idea from him), but right now it would be too much responsibility for me because I have some serious dental problems and will be spending a lot of time over the next while away from the computer not feeling up to spending time on it.
Dental problems are a real bitch
They affect both the poor and the rich
But if your tooth aches
Stay away from the cakes
Or you will do more than just twitch
It's time now to go off to work
Which none of us ever should shirk
For if we just sit
We'll fall in a pit
And never get one single perk
Do you happen to work in a Dunkin' Donuts shop?
If a donut lover worked at the shop
His donut eating never would stop
He'd get so big
They'd call him a pig
And his dance partner would be a mop!
I eat my peas with honey.
Done so all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny.
But keeps them on my knife.
While walking in the park one day
A dapper man came my way.
He tipped his hat
and drew his cane
and in this limerick,
I've said his name.
His name is Andrew
Your momma musta told you that one too, eh???
actually no. When i was a child, i found a book that had a whole bunch of jokes, funny poems, limericks and such in it - a variation of this poem was in that book, that's how i knew. I'm not sure why it's funny that i knew ?
Memory can play tricks on other folks - but not us
oh i'm sure at some point my mind (and memory) will start pranking me as well - happens to the best of us
I climbed to the top of a tree
Just to find out what I could see
When I reached the top
I felt a raindrop
That made me feel wonderful and free
There was an old man with one shoe
But of course his feet he had two
When his blisters got bad
It made him real mad
Until he bought one that was new
The ole ragged dress she did wear
Along with her flowing black hair
And off like the wind
Alone with a friend
She found her body was all bare
I always find some time to waste
And often I go back to retrace
It goes by so fast
And never does last
And sometimes I think it's misplaced
The leaves on a tree all turn brown
And then they fall to the ground
The branches are bare
There's cool in the air
Soon winter is coming around
Okay everyone, now try your skill at haiku.
There’s a forum online called NT
With topics as broad as can be
You can write limericks
Tell Trumpsters they’re dicks
Or endlessly bash Hillary
Good one Hal!
Seems to me that no matter how hard we might try to create an article that neither needs nor wants religion or politics, there are going to be those who can't live without spewing them. Didn't think I'd have to post red box rules for this article.
That was bipartisan though.
Personal attacks in limerick form are still personal attacks. Removed - PRF
A saving grace?
Removed for context - PRF
Continuation of the previous personal attack. Removed - PRF.
Watch out for the new CoC
Endorsed by our ruler Perrie
An army of mods
Who think they are gods
Will step on your freedom of speech
Freedom to be would have rhymed better.
9:30 pm here, and I'm going off line. Due to the type of comments now being posted I'm locking the article as I will not be available to moderate it.
7:30 a.m. here and this article is now unlocked.
Good morning Buzz, donut?
Glazed chocolate cake donut, please.
Going to try a haiku, Lenny?
I guess, don't really get how it's a poem though. You can say anything you want, it doesn't even have to rhyme. It's just words.
Haiku is a unique and traditional classical type of poetry, usually with specific rules which you paid little attention to:
I've read a lot of modern poetry that doesn't rhyme as well.
However, thanks for trying anyway.
Unlocked. Back in business. I was just thinking what a shame it is that there are members who force us to do these things.